Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What are your suggestions for better communication and teamwork with your partner or spouse?

Posted by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 12:26 PM
  • 1 Replies

How We Put the 'Us' Back Into Our Marriage

Posted by Kristen Chase on February 12, 2013

Putting teamwork back into marriageFor years I thought that so many of my marital problems stemmed from a lack of communication. And while, yes, we definitely have communication issues, I still remember what our marriage counselor said that made me realize it wasn't necessarily all our faults.

Due to our own parents' issues, we took on a lot of responsibility as kids, much more than most kids, actually, and we just got used to doing everything on our own. 

It's not necessarily that we don't want to work together and be a co-parenting team, it's because we're just not used to it. But how do we change what's ingrained in us so that we can start working with each other, not against?

My husband and I can both point a finger at our parents, whose own challenges forced us to be super independent, more independent than kids our age should really have been. I still remember filling out my entire financial aid packet for college that was meant to be completed by my parents. But since my dad was ambivalent about me going to college and had a whole ton of weird issues, I had to do it myself, then beg him to sign it so I could get help paying for it.

But I learned very early that if I was going to go anywhere or do anything, I had to circumvent my parents and do it on my own.

Sure, it sounds healthy to be so independent and responsible, and it's really helped me in many areas of my life. But in others, particularly in relationships and more so when it comes to parenting, I'm actually too capable. I rarely ask for help and I want to be the one doing it. Considering another person's valid input is just really hard for me.

For my husband, it manifests in other ways, but it's difficult nonetheless.

And the effect is doubled because I parent alone quite often, so I need to be able to function and make quick decisions without a huge amount of discussion because my husband is away.

Unfortunately, I don't have a good answer for how to be different, other than just being aware of it and making an extra effort to ask for help and accept it. We realize that it's not helping our relationship, but at least having some sort of understanding about why we're doing what we're doing beyond the basic "communication issues" has helped.

What are your suggestions for better communication and teamwork with your partner or spouse?

by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 12:26 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-1):
bamababe1975
by Bronze Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 1:57 PM

 I don't think learning to circumvent your parents and do everything on your own as a kid necessarily means that when you marry, you'll circumvent your spouse and do everything on your own. I not only had to do everything myself growing up, but also had to help do everything for my siblings as a 3rd parent in the household, essentially. Does that mean I just do it all around here without my husband's involvement? No. It means I learned what NOT to do from my parents and communicate and work with my husband far better than they ever did with one another. He and I are a team in every sense.



Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)