Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Husband always wants praise for any little thing he does....

Posted by   + Show Post
My husband likes to be praised for things all of the time when I never get any. At all. Ever. How should I deal with this? I think he is so immature sometimes. I was thinking about making him one of those gold star charts like the ones for kids. Every day that he does something that he feels proud of, I should give him a gold star. What do you think?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:37 PM
Replies (11-20):
motha2daDuchess
by Bronze Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 4:50 AM

See, I am in total agreement with this. I don't see what the big deal is, maybe you don't praise him at all so he needs to ask for it? 

Quoting DieselsMom:

You sound kind of rude...give him the props he wants....make him feel appreciated! why is that so hard?


DieselsMom
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 4:53 AM
1 mom liked this

It might help to read "the 5 love languages" so you can understand why he wants praise...

HotMomma2622
by Bronze Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 5:09 AM
1 mom liked this
I would get a big poster board make him a chore chart and buy some big fat gold stars and the first chore would. Be " bonding with mommy " lol I would put in right where when you walk into the house that's the first thing u see is his chore chart. Lol
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
MommyLanie
by Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 5:24 AM

Sounds just like my huband.   Sad truly Sad

Heatherkelly
by Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 8:13 AM

I would make him a chart! Tell him that when he feels it up with 20 stars, you'll make him a batch of his favorite cookies or a cake! Tell him that you see that he does things around the house, and that your SO proud of him for doing so.

Then Make sure to make yourself an even Larger chart, and make sure that you get stars for everything that you do too! Every time you chande a diaper, you get a star. Every time you pick up after you and the kids, you get a star. Every time you give the kids or dog a bath, you get a star. Things like that. Then see who has the most stars at the end of the week! I am sure he will see that his behavior is silly.

mcginnisc
by Bronze Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 8:35 AM
1 mom liked this

His behavior is not childish at all. It is how he feels loved. 

A couple of other ladies have mentioned it, but I will go further and explain it more. The book " The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman explains how people feel loved. There are several love languages- Acts of Service, Gifts, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and Physical Touch. 

It sounds like your husband thrives on Words of Affirmation. He craves this and when he gets this, he is a better person..if he is denied his love language, he will become resentful and unhappy. 

Your response is not a loving response at all. In a marriage, you should strive to make your partner feel loved and happy. By demeaning how he feels, you are showing him disdain and that his feelings are not important to you. 

 In all honesty, your response makes me wonder how long you have been married and how old you are...

My love language is gifts and acts of service.. it thrills me if my husband takes out the trash or vaccums the area rug. That is how he can show me love... Dh's love languages are physical touch and quality time. He is happy to cuddle on the chair and watch a movie-- this is difficult for me as I'm not a cuddler at all. I have to go way out of my comfort zone to fill his need, but I do it because I know it is what he needs from me to feel loved. We've learned a lot about each other over the past 17 years of marriage and being together for 22 years. The book, while Christian based, is actually a great resource as it will explain a lot about how people love and feel loved. 

Don't make a chart as that is disrespectful of you and your husband. It shows a lack of respect and love for you to mock him in that manner. Instead, make a point to give him a thank you or good job and see how he responds. He might start by telling you thank you more often and giving you what you need. 

Claire


" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13 

MrS.GiFFord
by Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 8:48 AM
I love how the previous posters are all like...show him appreciation he deserves it but ignored the fact that you don't get any...at all...ever. it should be a two.way street. My husband and I always compliment eachother and tell each other how much we appreciate one another! It sounds like the problem is that your hubby expects praise but doesn't tell you how awesome you are. That would make me feel like shit.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MrS.GiFFord
by Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 8:49 AM
So she should just ignore the fact that she gets no credit? I think that's the real problem here.

Quoting mcginnisc:

His behavior is not childish at all. It is how he feels loved. 

A couple of other ladies have mentioned it, but I will go further and explain it more. The book " The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman explains how people feel loved. There are several love languages- Acts of Service, Gifts, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and Physical Touch. 

It sounds like your husband thrives on Words of Affirmation. He craves this and when he gets this, he is a better person..if he is denied his love language, he will become resentful and unhappy. 

Your response is not a loving response at all. In a marriage, you should strive to make your partner feel loved and happy. By demeaning how he feels, you are showing him disdain and that his feelings are not important to you. 

 In all honesty, your response makes me wonder how long you have been married and how old you are...

My love language is gifts and acts of service.. it thrills me if my husband takes out the trash or vaccums the area rug. That is how he can show me love... Dh's love languages are physical touch and quality time. He is happy to cuddle on the chair and watch a movie-- this is difficult for me as I'm not a cuddler at all. I have to go way out of my comfort zone to fill his need, but I do it because I know it is what he needs from me to feel loved. We've learned a lot about each other over the past 17 years of marriage and being together for 22 years. The book, while Christian based, is actually a great resource as it will explain a lot about how people love and feel loved. 

Don't make a chart as that is disrespectful of you and your husband. It shows a lack of respect and love for you to mock him in that manner. Instead, make a point to give him a thank you or good job and see how he responds. He might start by telling you thank you more often and giving you what you need. 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
NikiH0302
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 8:58 AM

LoL I know that feeling...well partially.  My hubby is always looking for praise but he also praises me.  In my hubbys case I think its bc of the way he grew up so I just kinda deal with it.  It doesn't bother me as much as it would pretty much anyone else lol.  But the chart is a good idea...but it probably would start a fight.

lapcounter
by Gold Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 8:58 AM
Sounds like you need to read The 5 Love Languags to me.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)