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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Husband always wants praise for any little thing he does....

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My husband likes to be praised for things all of the time when I never get any. At all. Ever. How should I deal with this? I think he is so immature sometimes. I was thinking about making him one of those gold star charts like the ones for kids. Every day that he does something that he feels proud of, I should give him a gold star. What do you think?
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by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:37 PM
Replies (21-30):
lapcounter
by Gold Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 9:01 AM
2 moms liked this
Reading some of these replies I truly cannot figure out how some of you are still married, WOW.
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jlbelknap35
by Bronze Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 9:01 AM
He's a man, he likes ego boosts. My husband looks for them and I caught on and start looking for them too.
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LDavis33
by Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 9:02 AM
1 mom liked this

Get used to it.  Seriously, my DH used to act like he just won an olympic medal after he vacuumed the living room.  After 6 years together, he's gotten much better, especially since he realized that the most he'll ever get from me is a "thank you".


Newmom8912
by Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 9:03 AM
Lol hubby called me At work to tell me he did dishes lol
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mcginnisc
by Bronze Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 9:06 AM
2 moms liked this



Quoting MrS.GiFFord:

So she should just ignore the fact that she gets no credit? I think that's the real problem here.

Quoting mcginnisc:

His behavior is not childish at all. It is how he feels loved. 

A couple of other ladies have mentioned it, but I will go further and explain it more. The book " The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman explains how people feel loved. There are several love languages- Acts of Service, Gifts, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and Physical Touch. 

It sounds like your husband thrives on Words of Affirmation. He craves this and when he gets this, he is a better person..if he is denied his love language, he will become resentful and unhappy. 

Your response is not a loving response at all. In a marriage, you should strive to make your partner feel loved and happy. By demeaning how he feels, you are showing him disdain and that his feelings are not important to you. 

 In all honesty, your response makes me wonder how long you have been married and how old you are...

My love language is gifts and acts of service.. it thrills me if my husband takes out the trash or vaccums the area rug. That is how he can show me love... Dh's love languages are physical touch and quality time. He is happy to cuddle on the chair and watch a movie-- this is difficult for me as I'm not a cuddler at all. I have to go way out of my comfort zone to fill his need, but I do it because I know it is what he needs from me to feel loved. We've learned a lot about each other over the past 17 years of marriage and being together for 22 years. The book, while Christian based, is actually a great resource as it will explain a lot about how people love and feel loved. 

Don't make a chart as that is disrespectful of you and your husband. It shows a lack of respect and love for you to mock him in that manner. Instead, make a point to give him a thank you or good job and see how he responds. He might start by telling you thank you more often and giving you what you need. 


Did I say that?? No... I said, he might actually start giving her what SHE needs if she does not act like a child about his obvious need for a "good job"... 

Marriage is not a competition nor is it about keeping score. It is a partnership. He should give her what she needs as well. That is one reason I recommended the book to them. They both need to read it as it is painfully obvious that neither of them know how to show love to the other.


Claire


" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13 

ebbierowe
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 9:12 AM
This.....when they do something out of their routine they like to be acknowledged ....even if its something you do all the time...

Quoting masonmomma:

Lol

Sounds like you married a male...
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Beautiful31mom
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 9:13 AM


Quoting lapcounter:

Sounds like you need to read The 5 Love Languags to me.


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ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Feb. 14, 2013 at 9:39 AM

UGH! I feel your pain. It's annoying as hell. It has to be a low self esteem thing, my husband doesn't have any and needs his ego fed 24/7. It's like having a toddler jumping around you all of the time going "Mommy! MOMMY! LOOK AT ME!!!" 

hudson.maggie
by Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 9:41 AM
My dh is the same way. So no help here lol
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Awma
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 10:00 AM

Do you see a trend?  Males are just that way.  I've been married 34 yrs and no it does not get better.  It gets worse.  The older they get the more juvenile they become.  Constant approval seeking is irritating but we woman just have to put up with it.   As far as the gold star chart?  I love it but it will cause more trouble than it's worth.  I know from experience.  LOL  I've found just a smile and an"awesome" works.

Don't let it get to you.  And no you won't get the same from him because "HE" does EVERYTHING and YOU do NOTHING.  Men are large children.  This IS NOT man bashing!  It's fact.

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