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want your opinions

Posted by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 3:19 PM
  • 12 Replies

Me and DF need help. We have absolutely amaizing days, ok days, and absolutely horrible days. I know that it is unrealistic to never fight, and agree on everything. that is not what I am looking for. But I do feel as though our love has become habit. We dont love on eachother (non-sexually) like we use too. And it has caused a lot of fights, that shouldnt ever happen. We cant afford couples counseling, even though I really want to go (and I believe he would as well) so I have looked up a lot of things online about how to break the habit of love, and make it real love again, what needs done in relationships to keep them uplifting and not falling into habit mode, and how to argue, forgive, build trust, and make promises correctly. 

I have decided that it would be great for us each to come up with 5 realistic promises of changes we will make to better the relationship, and 5 things that we want changed in our relationship, whether it be something we want the other person to change, or something for us to change together (like one thing i want is us to excersize together once a week). My problem is, how do I get DF to understand exactly what I mean when he hasnt read everything I have? I know our minds work differently. Hes a guy. I am a girl. And though just saying "Write down 5 promises and 5 wants to better our relationship" seems like common sense to understand to me, I know, he may not get it completely, and think as deep as he needs too. 

I also know, that it is possible we wont be able to fix this on our own, but I want to try. And if it fails, we will just have to cut somewhere in our spending money so that we can afford the counseling. 


by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 3:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
furbabymum
by Gold Member on Feb. 15, 2013 at 3:46 PM

 If you asked me that question I would be writing about how I don't want him blowing his nose in the shower and leaving his socks on the floor. I take it you want it to go deeper than that?

So tell him like this, "what changes in our relationship would make you happier. Would you like to spend more time together or apart, exercise together or not, etc." Otherwise you're going to get a list like I would give.

Also all relationships go through these slumps. We've had dates where we just sat and stared at each other. So you have to get some things going for you to talk about. We read the paper and advice columns and have our work. We connect through them.

jesuschild06
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 3:59 PM

So basically give him some examples? I could do that. Thanks. :)


Quoting furbabymum:

 If you asked me that question I would be writing about how I don't want him blowing his nose in the shower and leaving his socks on the floor. I take it you want it to go deeper than that?

So tell him like this, "what changes in our relationship would make you happier. Would you like to spend more time together or apart, exercise together or not, etc." Otherwise you're going to get a list like I would give.

Also all relationships go through these slumps. We've had dates where we just sat and stared at each other. So you have to get some things going for you to talk about. We read the paper and advice columns and have our work. We connect through them.



DragonMother10
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 4:09 PM
My husband and I are currently going through a rough patch ourselves. He wants to go to counseling, but to find the time. He was gone for 4 nights and 3 days, I let him come back home because he was going from house to house and first night at a hotel. We decided to work things out and take it slow. To become friends again. He has been sleeping on the couch and we haven't been intimate not even a hug. We are talking and keeping a distance but it is giving us time to think about things. We are talking in a friendly manner and it's been a week since the last mishap. We needed a fresh new start and hope we both can bring some positive things into the relationship. No rush, just letting time do its job. Good luck!
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jesuschild06
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 4:15 PM
1 mom liked this

Thanks. Good luck to you too !


Quoting DragonMother10:

My husband and I are currently going through a rough patch ourselves. He wants to go to counseling, but to find the time. He was gone for 4 nights and 3 days, I let him come back home because he was going from house to house and first night at a hotel. We decided to work things out and take it slow. To become friends again. He has been sleeping on the couch and we haven't been intimate not even a hug. We are talking and keeping a distance but it is giving us time to think about things. We are talking in a friendly manner and it's been a week since the last mishap. We needed a fresh new start and hope we both can bring some positive things into the relationship. No rush, just letting time do its job. Good luck!



DragonMother10
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 7:11 PM
Thank you. :)


Quoting jesuschild06:

Thanks. Good luck to you too !



Quoting DragonMother10:

My husband and I are currently going through a rough patch ourselves. He wants to go to counseling, but to find the time. He was gone for 4 nights and 3 days, I let him come back home because he was going from house to house and first night at a hotel. We decided to work things out and take it slow. To become friends again. He has been sleeping on the couch and we haven't been intimate not even a hug. We are talking and keeping a distance but it is giving us time to think about things. We are talking in a friendly manner and it's been a week since the last mishap. We needed a fresh new start and hope we both can bring some positive things into the relationship. No rush, just letting time do its job. Good luck!





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MiddleAgeMess
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 7:14 PM
1 mom liked this
Talk with your (or a local) pastor/minister. They will probably help lead you in the right direction, FOR FREE.
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jesuschild06
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 7:22 PM
1 mom liked this

Hmmmm. I didnt think about that. We dont attend church, but we do believe. That is a good idea ! THANK YOU !


Quoting MiddleAgeMess:

Talk with your (or a local) pastor/minister. They will probably help lead you in the right direction, FOR FREE.



ttc1rainbow
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 9:02 PM
1 mom liked this

 You have some great advice here...I also was going to suggest the pastor/minister. You don't have to attend to get help :) Also, I just want to applaud you & your DF for working on things before getting married! When many do not...Good luck to you!!

MomToovey
by Marianne on Feb. 15, 2013 at 10:33 PM
1 mom liked this

 Most pastors will give marriage counseling for free.

Also, stop by the library and pick up The 5 Love Languages and The Love Dare and both of you work on those together.

Good luck!

jesuschild06
by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 5:20 AM

Thank you. 


Quoting ttc1rainbow:

 You have some great advice here...I also was going to suggest the pastor/minister. You don't have to attend to get help :) Also, I just want to applaud you & your DF for working on things before getting married! When many do not...Good luck to you!!



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