Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

PLEASE REPLY!

Posted by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 3:18 AM
  • 47 Replies
Hello again... Well only one person answered my post last time and I'm still suffering from the same situation. I've been married for a few months now, been dating for over 5 years, and we have a son together. Well we always had a on and off again relationship, but after a very rocky road, we decided to get married. Well, let me just tell you how I feel. I feel alone, sad, angry, upset, frustrated, unloved, not appreciated, not respected. That's just a few to name! When it comes to my husband, he's all about himself. Whether it be going out every single night with friends, going to the casino all the time, or something' we never spend time together, we don't hold hands, we rarely kiss, we don't sleep in bed together, we don't go anywhere, it's awful! I've always had a bit of anxiety but it's so bad that when he is here I can't even stomach him anymore, my anxiety goes through the roof the second he gets home. I've tried over and over and over again to tell him how I feel and it's useless because he says he will change but never does. He says he wont go to counseling because they cant fix our issues. I almost didn't go through with the wedding but he promised me he would change. Which I'm yet to see! I'm so sick and tired of vein home by myself taking care of our child while he goes out every night. I'm a house wife/ stay at home mom, so I don't mind sometime when he goes out with friends, everyone deserves it, but when I say every night, it's literally every night. Or if he is here, he's sleeping! He's not cheating, I know that for a fact, but I don't understand why he never wants to be home and spend time as a family! It's so annoying. I'm so over it, I'm so over his nonsense. It's to the point where I miss my ex. He loves me still, he hasn't even had a girlfriend since we broke up because he's waiting for me! My bestfriend passed away 6 years ago, and I always ask her for guidance and advice and I've had dreams where she's been telling me to contact him, and make sure he's ok, and I'm yet to actually contact him. But I want to so bad! I want to be happy, I want to feel loved, I want to feel appreciated! I have no idea what to do!!!! I really love my husband, but I just can't take feeling like this anymore and him not even caring, well he says he does but I don't feel it! I've been waiting for a long time and he's not changing. I'm starting to resent him, and I'm bitter twords him. I'm so lost and confused! He hasn't spent time with us at all this week ! I have no idea what to think. Please, any advice would make me so happy! Thank you.
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 3:18 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
ljeanbeans
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 3:42 AM
2 moms liked this

Is an annullment too late?

I actually know what that feels like. Your husband doesn't have the skills. I bet his role models growing up were like he is now.

jojo_382
by Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 3:55 AM
1 mom liked this
Wow am not too sure what to tell u are u sure still love hrim ?maybe u shoud leave him for a couple of days don't call or txt him so he can open his eye an realize what he got an I know maybe this is a bad advice but call ur ex maybe he can help.u figure out thing he know how u r
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
MiddleAgeMess
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 3:58 AM
16 moms liked this
I'm not sure what advice you're seeking. You've been with a man for 5 years who acts like he always has. You had a child with him...no change. So you married him & there's still no change. So, now, since you are a sahm you want to get ahold of your ex of 6 years who you know still loves you & waiting for you even though you haven't talked to him.

Here it is Hun:
STEP 1) Get your head out of the clouds. You can't will a man to change, especially if there's no cause for him to. And your ex isn't your knight in shining armor either, or else he wouldn't be your ex.
STEP 2) Get a job. A real job, with security, that they take taxes out of your paycheck & you get paid holidays. No "cleaning houses for my aunts friend" Or bar tending on Tuesday nights.
STEP 3) Decide what it is that you want for your child's future. What kind of man do you want him to be? How are you going to make that happen?
STEP 4) NOW GO DO IT!!!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Swt7
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 5:24 AM
1 mom liked this
Jesus is the best answer to all your problems and worries,He knows how you long for a better tomorrow for you and your family,He died on the cross for your happiness and He's willing so ready to take your burden,advice won't make your dh change,nor will it make him love you more,and going back to your ex won't change the truth that your marriage is going down the drain,but I assure you
Jesus will lead you to an everlasting peaceful place,He will change all the impossible to become possible and easy!
I urgue you to join christian women who will help give you comfort in such a difficult situation.
Please do,God will see you through.
hugs dear.
lapcounter
by Gold Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 7:53 AM
4 moms liked this
I have nothing, you had your answers before marriage and still went through with it.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MomRocs1102
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 8:23 AM

Was he like this before marriage?  You cant make it work by yourself, it seems like he has given up on you all before even trying which means he doesn't care the way you do.  Stop focusing on it because if his heart isn't there its done.  When your tired of dealing with it you will do whats best for you and your child. 

Join Adorable Ladies group, where women can have free uncensored conversations and discussions minus the basing and drama

www.cafemom.com/group/118542
nicole2884
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 9:03 AM
Men dont change. Sometimes they become more aware but that's usually only the case if they had good quality's to begin with

In all honesty it sounds like you tried to make something out of nothing an in return your getting nothing out of him

Your waiting for something that isnt coming if he truly cared he would make the effort

Get a real job save up an move on
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Gmgej
by Michele on Feb. 17, 2013 at 9:19 AM
1 mom liked this

You married a man who you dated for 5 years, he is the same as always. You think an ex of over 5 years in pining away for you. 

It seems you are a dreamer, stop dreaming and live your life, tell your dh what you want, tell him either he bucks up or gets out, he will only treat you in the mannor you allow. Jumping into another relationship is stupid, learn to live with you first.

eoewan
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 9:48 AM
1 mom liked this

Reiterated in case you missed this the first time.

Quoting MiddleAgeMess:

I'm not sure what advice you're seeking. You've been with a man for 5 years who acts like he always has. You had a child with him...no change. So you married him & there's still no change. So, now, since you are a sahm you want to get ahold of your ex of 6 years who you know still loves you & waiting for you even though you haven't talked to him.

Here it is Hun:
STEP 1) Get your head out of the clouds. You can't will a man to change, especially if there's no cause for him to. And your ex isn't your knight in shining armor either, or else he wouldn't be your ex.
STEP 2) Get a job. A real job, with security, that they take taxes out of your paycheck & you get paid holidays. No "cleaning houses for my aunts friend" Or bar tending on Tuesday nights.
STEP 3) Decide what it is that you want for your child's future. What kind of man do you want him to be? How are you going to make that happen?
STEP 4) NOW GO DO IT!!!


furbabymum
by Gold Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 10:14 AM
4 moms liked this

I'm always against women in sucky relationships contacting men, former or not. IMO you have crappy relationship skills. If you didn't your relationship wouldn't be so crappy. Either you pick bad men or you are a doormat or something else. So don't jump from man to man because another man WILL NOT FIX YOUR LIFE OR MAKE YOU HAPPY.

If your DH won't change then you have to decide if this is ok for your life or not. If it isn't then leave. Just don't leave to another man. Women are so stupidly needy nowadays it almost makes me sick. If you can't be self supporting and happy on your own you will never be happy with a man because as I said, they don't make things better they just bring new challenges.

As for your anxiety, been there done that. 4 years of constant miserable anxiety. Then I got an amazing shrink and I can honestly say I've been pretty much anxiety free for 3 years. It's worth it!

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)