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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

my husband finally started to talk

Posted by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 3:38 AM
  • 62 Replies
1 mom liked this

It just so happens, today my husband finally started to talk about with me on the phone. Talk about how he feels about our situations, talk about what happened. Honestly, I don't even want to think about it. He wants to blame me for calling the police, he rarely looks at it from my perspective and takes ownership of why I did. The last of 2 times that I did, he merely pushed me away from the stove that I repeatedly turned off. It was because he had been out all night and came home with a hickey while I was 5 months pregnant. I wanted answers and I didn't want him to make a pizza. Honestly, the main reason why I know at this time it won't work is because he still thinks this is all my fault or wants to blame me for his own consequences.
I do love my husband, why else would I have married him.
He was raised abusively and is alcoholic and has a habit of belittling and disrespecting me.
We own a home together in an nearby town and he wants to file bankruptcy and foreclose, I know, if we divorce.

by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 3:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Swt7
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 3:53 AM
1 mom liked this
This really is complicated and all I can do is pray that God may make your life better and ok.
hugs my dear......
MiddleAgeMess
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 4:04 AM
Nothing really for anyone to say is there?

What a shitty position to be going through. I wish you & your baby(ies?) a bright future despite this hurt.
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Lindalou907
by Bronze Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 4:54 AM
1 mom liked this

Unless he's willing to get sober you are better off without him, even if you do end up letting the bank foreclose on your house, I'm sorry, best of luck to you!

kagegirl
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 11:29 AM

Yeah, you don't need that mess. My ex is an alcoholic and he STILL blames me for the demise of our marraige. Oh, no, it wasn't his drinking, it was my refusal to keep putting up with the vomiting, the fights, all of it. 

Df quit drinking for us. FOr our family. THAT is a real man. And that is what you deserve. To know YOU are worth more than a bottle of beer. 

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Feb. 17, 2013 at 11:36 AM
1 mom liked this

Man some of you women marry dirtbags. My husband isn't a saint, trust me on that, but I've never had to send him to jail. It baffles me why a lot of women don't want better for themselves? Is this a self-esteem thing? And I can't understand why people want to make excuses for their spouse's shitty behavior either. I was raised by an asshole closet alcoholic father and a co-dependant freak of a mother and I didn't let them turn me into a shit bag. 

PerfectVirgo
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 11:39 AM
2 moms liked this
It's not always black and white. And it's never helpful to talk down to women going through it.

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Man some of you women marry dirtbags. My husband isn't a saint, trust me on that, but I've never had to send him to jail. It baffles me why a lot of women don't want better for themselves? Is this a self-esteem thing? And I can't understand why people want to make excuses for their spouse's shitty behavior either. I was raised by an asshole closet alcoholic father and a co-dependant freak of a mother and I didn't let them turn me into a shit bag. 

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ljeanbeans
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 11:39 AM

Thanks for all this.

It's heartbreaking. The heck of it is, he hasn't been rude to me in a couple months. I wish it would stay that way.
i've been to a women's shelter and was a client for a couple years.
Emotional abuse, classic dry-drunk behavior.

I'm just going to have to innocently tell him that he's mean to my feelings. If I'm working around the house he tends to act bored and and tired and go hang out with his addicted friends and get all hyped up and energetic about that. If I'm frustrated, anxious, offended, sad about something he did he says it's unfair to him.
He didn't take that free paint and the sander and do anything to fix the house up since I've been gone, as much as he says he can't work around the house because he doesn't have enough money.

He'll probaly just get defensive and angry, which is most common for him, regardless of how I coach my tone of voice tc. I'll just have to tell him that's his answer then. He doesn't really love me and this is how I know. He should be perpetually kissing my backside.


Apparently, he hasn't done much to make amends with me emotionally because he figures I'll just get tired and scared etc and come back to him.
He doesn't want a divorce. Technically I don't either. And, I don't want to be the one going through the pain and agony of filing all the paperwork and getting a babysitters. IDK.

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Feb. 17, 2013 at 11:41 AM

I'm not talking down to anyone, that was a general statement. And yes, it is black and white. You either choose to stay with an abusive loser, or you take control of your own life and walk away. Mind over emotions, it would do people a lot of good. Two choices, black and white, stay or go. People make things complicated when it's really a very simple choice. And I can, and do, say whatever the feck I want. 

Quoting PerfectVirgo:

It's not always black and white. And it's never helpful to talk down to women going through it.

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Man some of you women marry dirtbags. My husband isn't a saint, trust me on that, but I've never had to send him to jail. It baffles me why a lot of women don't want better for themselves? Is this a self-esteem thing? And I can't understand why people want to make excuses for their spouse's shitty behavior either. I was raised by an asshole closet alcoholic father and a co-dependant freak of a mother and I didn't let them turn me into a shit bag. 


PerfectVirgo
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 11:45 AM
2 moms liked this
You can say whatever you want, but until you've gone through it, you'll never understand. And your attitude towards women sucks, btw.

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I'm not talking down to anyone, that was a general statement. And yes, it is black and white. You either choose to stay with an abusive loser, or you take control of your own life and walk away. Mind over emotions, it would do people a lot of good. Two choices, black and white, stay or go. People make things complicated when it's really a very simple choice. And I can, and do, say whatever the feck I want. 

Quoting PerfectVirgo:

It's not always black and white. And it's never helpful to talk down to women going through it.



Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Man some of you women marry dirtbags. My husband isn't a saint, trust me on that, but I've never had to send him to jail. It baffles me why a lot of women don't want better for themselves? Is this a self-esteem thing? And I can't understand why people want to make excuses for their spouse's shitty behavior either. I was raised by an asshole closet alcoholic father and a co-dependant freak of a mother and I didn't let them turn me into a shit bag. 


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Cheribomb
by Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 11:46 AM
2 moms liked this

i grew with a drunk father... i would live in a box than put my kids through that.  no matter HOW much i loved him.  

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