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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

my husband finally started to talk

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It just so happens, today my husband finally started to talk about with me on the phone. Talk about how he feels about our situations, talk about what happened. Honestly, I don't even want to think about it. He wants to blame me for calling the police, he rarely looks at it from my perspective and takes ownership of why I did. The last of 2 times that I did, he merely pushed me away from the stove that I repeatedly turned off. It was because he had been out all night and came home with a hickey while I was 5 months pregnant. I wanted answers and I didn't want him to make a pizza. Honestly, the main reason why I know at this time it won't work is because he still thinks this is all my fault or wants to blame me for his own consequences.
I do love my husband, why else would I have married him.
He was raised abusively and is alcoholic and has a habit of belittling and disrespecting me.
We own a home together in an nearby town and he wants to file bankruptcy and foreclose, I know, if we divorce.

by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 3:38 AM
Replies (41-50):
PerfectVirgo
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 4:33 PM
I see that. I disengaged. I have no time for people like her, and hope OP doesn't either.

Quoting disnchntdwife:

I couldn't agree with you more Virgo. She. ( readwrite ) has an agressive nature and often belittles the women here seeking help. Thank you for your response.



Quoting PerfectVirgo:

It's not always black and white. And it's never helpful to talk down to women going through it.





Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Man some of you women marry dirtbags. My husband isn't a saint, trust me on that, but I've never had to send him to jail. It baffles me why a lot of women don't want better for themselves? Is this a self-esteem thing? And I can't understand why people want to make excuses for their spouse's shitty behavior either. I was raised by an asshole closet alcoholic father and a co-dependant freak of a mother and I didn't let them turn me into a shit bag. 

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Feb. 17, 2013 at 4:37 PM
HA! Ha ha ha! HA! You're funny. That was a good one.

Everyone here has different approaches. If you don't like mine, so be it. Doesn't effect me at all. If you don't like me or my responses, block me. I'm going to keep being me, you keep being you.


Quoting disnchntdwife:

I'm happy to know that I didn't hurt your feelings. As that was not my intention. You are very rough around the edges and sometimes downright cruel to women here with your responses. I can't help but remember what my late Mother always said...."If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all". We come here to share and get advice or have a laugh, not to be judged and talked down to. After reading what you yourself posted about your own childhood..I believe I almost understand your reasons. The " I was raised by an asshole closet alcoholic father and a co-dependant freak of a Mother" is so telling. If you were a man, you would most likely be an abuser of women, since you have so little tolerance for your own Mothers plight and for "Stupid women". You seem super proud that you didn't turn out to be a "shitbag" . I might not agree. You seem to only answer posts where you can degrade or criticize. I sincerely hope if you place a post needing help or advice, that people are kinder to you and more considerate of your feelings than you are of others. Here's my " tough love" towards you. Get the hell off your high horse. You aren't the well adjusted person you like to preach that you are. Happy, well rounded people don't feel the need to dog people out the way I have seen you do. I'm going to pray that you find happiness and peace in your life, so you won't be so hateful to others. I'm praying for God to bless you and keep you well and happy.



Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I just call it like I see it. If you don't like it or me, block me and you won't see my replies. Doesnt' hurt my feelings at all. Honestly is always the best policy, the truth may hurt but people have to face it sometime or things will never change. 

Quoting disnchntdwife:

I couldn't agree with you more Virgo. She. ( readwrite ) has an agressive nature and often belittles the women here seeking help. Thank you for your response.





Quoting PerfectVirgo:

It's not always black and white. And it's never helpful to talk down to women going through it.







Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Man some of you women marry dirtbags. My husband isn't a saint, trust me on that, but I've never had to send him to jail. It baffles me why a lot of women don't want better for themselves? Is this a self-esteem thing? And I can't understand why people want to make excuses for their spouse's shitty behavior either. I was raised by an asshole closet alcoholic father and a co-dependant freak of a mother and I didn't let them turn me into a shit bag. 


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
disnchntdwife
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 4:49 PM
1 mom liked this
It affected you enough to respond in mere minutes. I see through you. Keep telling yourself that nothing matters. Great coping skill when you are 7, not so cute as an adult. Still praying for you anyway.

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

HA! Ha ha ha! HA! You're funny. That was a good one.



Everyone here has different approaches. If you don't like mine, so be it. Doesn't effect me at all. If you don't like me or my responses, block me. I'm going to keep being me, you keep being you.




Quoting disnchntdwife:

I'm happy to know that I didn't hurt your feelings. As that was not my intention. You are very rough around the edges and sometimes downright cruel to women here with your responses. I can't help but remember what my late Mother always said...."If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all". We come here to share and get advice or have a laugh, not to be judged and talked down to. After reading what you yourself posted about your own childhood..I believe I almost understand your reasons. The " I was raised by an asshole closet alcoholic father and a co-dependant freak of a Mother" is so telling. If you were a man, you would most likely be an abuser of women, since you have so little tolerance for your own Mothers plight and for "Stupid women". You seem super proud that you didn't turn out to be a "shitbag" . I might not agree. You seem to only answer posts where you can degrade or criticize. I sincerely hope if you place a post needing help or advice, that people are kinder to you and more considerate of your feelings than you are of others. Here's my " tough love" towards you. Get the hell off your high horse. You aren't the well adjusted person you like to preach that you are. Happy, well rounded people don't feel the need to dog people out the way I have seen you do. I'm going to pray that you find happiness and peace in your life, so you won't be so hateful to others. I'm praying for God to bless you and keep you well and happy.





Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I just call it like I see it. If you don't like it or me, block me and you won't see my replies. Doesnt' hurt my feelings at all. Honestly is always the best policy, the truth may hurt but people have to face it sometime or things will never change. 

Quoting disnchntdwife:

I couldn't agree with you more Virgo. She. ( readwrite ) has an agressive nature and often belittles the women here seeking help. Thank you for your response.







Quoting PerfectVirgo:

It's not always black and white. And it's never helpful to talk down to women going through it.









Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Man some of you women marry dirtbags. My husband isn't a saint, trust me on that, but I've never had to send him to jail. It baffles me why a lot of women don't want better for themselves? Is this a self-esteem thing? And I can't understand why people want to make excuses for their spouse's shitty behavior either. I was raised by an asshole closet alcoholic father and a co-dependant freak of a mother and I didn't let them turn me into a shit bag. 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Feb. 17, 2013 at 4:55 PM
1 mom liked this
I always respond promptly when quoted. It's one of my best traits.

I'm an atheist, but I suppose praying to an imaginary man in the sky is a nice sentiment that most people would thank you for.


Quoting disnchntdwife:

It affected you enough to respond in mere minutes. I see through you. Keep telling yourself that nothing matters. Great coping skill when you are 7, not so cute as an adult. Still praying for you anyway.



Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

HA! Ha ha ha! HA! You're funny. That was a good one.





Everyone here has different approaches. If you don't like mine, so be it. Doesn't effect me at all. If you don't like me or my responses, block me. I'm going to keep being me, you keep being you.






Quoting disnchntdwife:

I'm happy to know that I didn't hurt your feelings. As that was not my intention. You are very rough around the edges and sometimes downright cruel to women here with your responses. I can't help but remember what my late Mother always said...."If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all". We come here to share and get advice or have a laugh, not to be judged and talked down to. After reading what you yourself posted about your own childhood..I believe I almost understand your reasons. The " I was raised by an asshole closet alcoholic father and a co-dependant freak of a Mother" is so telling. If you were a man, you would most likely be an abuser of women, since you have so little tolerance for your own Mothers plight and for "Stupid women". You seem super proud that you didn't turn out to be a "shitbag" . I might not agree. You seem to only answer posts where you can degrade or criticize. I sincerely hope if you place a post needing help or advice, that people are kinder to you and more considerate of your feelings than you are of others. Here's my " tough love" towards you. Get the hell off your high horse. You aren't the well adjusted person you like to preach that you are. Happy, well rounded people don't feel the need to dog people out the way I have seen you do. I'm going to pray that you find happiness and peace in your life, so you won't be so hateful to others. I'm praying for God to bless you and keep you well and happy.







Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I just call it like I see it. If you don't like it or me, block me and you won't see my replies. Doesnt' hurt my feelings at all. Honestly is always the best policy, the truth may hurt but people have to face it sometime or things will never change. 

Quoting disnchntdwife:

I couldn't agree with you more Virgo. She. ( readwrite ) has an agressive nature and often belittles the women here seeking help. Thank you for your response.









Quoting PerfectVirgo:

It's not always black and white. And it's never helpful to talk down to women going through it.











Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Man some of you women marry dirtbags. My husband isn't a saint, trust me on that, but I've never had to send him to jail. It baffles me why a lot of women don't want better for themselves? Is this a self-esteem thing? And I can't understand why people want to make excuses for their spouse's shitty behavior either. I was raised by an asshole closet alcoholic father and a co-dependant freak of a mother and I didn't let them turn me into a shit bag. 


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
disnchntdwife
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 5:02 PM
1 mom liked this
Wow.....just wow. You are offensive on so many levels. The way you make fun of a GOD you don't believe in shows me even more about you than I cared to know. I simply feel pity for you now.

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I always respond promptly when quoted. It's one of my best traits.



I'm an atheist, but I suppose praying to an imaginary man in the sky is a nice sentiment that most people would thank you for.




Quoting disnchntdwife:

It affected you enough to respond in mere minutes. I see through you. Keep telling yourself that nothing matters. Great coping skill when you are 7, not so cute as an adult. Still praying for you anyway.





Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

HA! Ha ha ha! HA! You're funny. That was a good one.







Everyone here has different approaches. If you don't like mine, so be it. Doesn't effect me at all. If you don't like me or my responses, block me. I'm going to keep being me, you keep being you.








Quoting disnchntdwife:

I'm happy to know that I didn't hurt your feelings. As that was not my intention. You are very rough around the edges and sometimes downright cruel to women here with your responses. I can't help but remember what my late Mother always said...."If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all". We come here to share and get advice or have a laugh, not to be judged and talked down to. After reading what you yourself posted about your own childhood..I believe I almost understand your reasons. The " I was raised by an asshole closet alcoholic father and a co-dependant freak of a Mother" is so telling. If you were a man, you would most likely be an abuser of women, since you have so little tolerance for your own Mothers plight and for "Stupid women". You seem super proud that you didn't turn out to be a "shitbag" . I might not agree. You seem to only answer posts where you can degrade or criticize. I sincerely hope if you place a post needing help or advice, that people are kinder to you and more considerate of your feelings than you are of others. Here's my " tough love" towards you. Get the hell off your high horse. You aren't the well adjusted person you like to preach that you are. Happy, well rounded people don't feel the need to dog people out the way I have seen you do. I'm going to pray that you find happiness and peace in your life, so you won't be so hateful to others. I'm praying for God to bless you and keep you well and happy.









Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I just call it like I see it. If you don't like it or me, block me and you won't see my replies. Doesnt' hurt my feelings at all. Honestly is always the best policy, the truth may hurt but people have to face it sometime or things will never change. 

Quoting disnchntdwife:

I couldn't agree with you more Virgo. She. ( readwrite ) has an agressive nature and often belittles the women here seeking help. Thank you for your response.











Quoting PerfectVirgo:

It's not always black and white. And it's never helpful to talk down to women going through it.













Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Man some of you women marry dirtbags. My husband isn't a saint, trust me on that, but I've never had to send him to jail. It baffles me why a lot of women don't want better for themselves? Is this a self-esteem thing? And I can't understand why people want to make excuses for their spouse's shitty behavior either. I was raised by an asshole closet alcoholic father and a co-dependant freak of a mother and I didn't let them turn me into a shit bag. 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Feb. 17, 2013 at 5:08 PM
If I believed I wouldn't make fun of it, now would I?





Thanks for playing, have a nice day. Nothing to see here folks, move along now.....




Quoting disnchntdwife:

Wow.....just wow. You are offensive on so many levels. The way you make fun of a GOD you don't believe in shows me even more about you than I cared to know. I simply feel pity for you now.





Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I always respond promptly when quoted. It's one of my best traits.









I'm an atheist, but I suppose praying to an imaginary man in the sky is a nice sentiment that most people would thank you for.








Quoting disnchntdwife:

It affected you enough to respond in mere minutes. I see through you. Keep telling yourself that nothing matters. Great coping skill when you are 7, not so cute as an adult. Still praying for you anyway.









Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

HA! Ha ha ha! HA! You're funny. That was a good one.













Everyone here has different approaches. If you don't like mine, so be it. Doesn't effect me at all. If you don't like me or my responses, block me. I'm going to keep being me, you keep being you.












Quoting disnchntdwife:

I'm happy to know that I didn't hurt your feelings. As that was not my intention. You are very rough around the edges and sometimes downright cruel to women here with your responses. I can't help but remember what my late Mother always said...."If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all". We come here to share and get advice or have a laugh, not to be judged and talked down to. After reading what you yourself posted about your own childhood..I believe I almost understand your reasons. The " I was raised by an asshole closet alcoholic father and a co-dependant freak of a Mother" is so telling. If you were a man, you would most likely be an abuser of women, since you have so little tolerance for your own Mothers plight and for "Stupid women". You seem super proud that you didn't turn out to be a "shitbag" . I might not agree. You seem to only answer posts where you can degrade or criticize. I sincerely hope if you place a post needing help or advice, that people are kinder to you and more considerate of your feelings than you are of others. Here's my " tough love" towards you. Get the hell off your high horse. You aren't the well adjusted person you like to preach that you are. Happy, well rounded people don't feel the need to dog people out the way I have seen you do. I'm going to pray that you find happiness and peace in your life, so you won't be so hateful to others. I'm praying for God to bless you and keep you well and happy.













Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I just call it like I see it. If you don't like it or me, block me and you won't see my replies. Doesnt' hurt my feelings at all. Honestly is always the best policy, the truth may hurt but people have to face it sometime or things will never change. 

Quoting disnchntdwife:

I couldn't agree with you more Virgo. She. ( readwrite ) has an agressive nature and often belittles the women here seeking help. Thank you for your response.

















Quoting PerfectVirgo:

It's not always black and white. And it's never helpful to talk down to women going through it.



















Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Man some of you women marry dirtbags. My husband isn't a saint, trust me on that, but I've never had to send him to jail. It baffles me why a lot of women don't want better for themselves? Is this a self-esteem thing? And I can't understand why people want to make excuses for their spouse's shitty behavior either. I was raised by an asshole closet alcoholic father and a co-dependant freak of a mother and I didn't let them turn me into a shit bag. 


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
witch_e_woman
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 5:14 PM
1 mom liked this

 He sound like he will NEVER take responsiblity for his actions twords you.

TommyAbby
by Melissa on Feb. 17, 2013 at 6:09 PM


Since you seem to know so much about that situation..Since it's been going on for 3 YEARS and I have tried to build her up and help her out and do what I can to be a positive influence. 

HOWEVER.. Even I have a breaking point as to when I can only take soo much of listening to her OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER again. I am done with it. I can't do it any more. 

So please tell me again how bad a person I am for giving her 3 yrs with this relationship, 6 of her previous marriage that it took her that long to figure out HE was another monster.. and then all the relationships that she had before him that were abusive in one form or another. So really, it's been more like 15yrs of being a supportive friend. Don't butt in when you know NOTHING of what the full story is. 


Quoting bjane01:

I personally find it arrogant to talk to a person going through this situation that way. A person who has been abused doesn't need someone talking down to them. It is not helpful. There are many psychological reasons a woman stays in an abusive relationship. These men are manipulative and are good at getting their way. Yes, there is something missing in a woman who puts up with this. She can't get out until she addresses what that is. But to belittle her is only undermining her self esteem further. You are no better than the man who is hurting her. A better approach would be to build her self esteem so she can have the confidence to walk away.


Quoting TommyAbby:


Amen.. I am going through this with my girlfriend. She moved the guy who beat her several times over. She claims LOVE and he will get better and more BS. I told her flat out she is stupid and he has her right where he wants her. She no longer has friends. No one can stand being around him becuase of what he did to her. Some women NEVER get it. 


Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Man some of you women marry dirtbags. My husband isn't a saint, trust me on that, but I've never had to send him to jail. It baffles me why a lot of women don't want better for themselves? Is this a self-esteem thing? And I can't understand why people want to make excuses for their spouse's shitty behavior either. I was raised by an asshole closet alcoholic father and a co-dependant freak of a mother and I didn't let them turn me into a shit bag. 







gonecrazi
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 6:56 PM

 You need to leave and go far,far away.Abusers don't change overnight.

ljeanbeans
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 11:12 PM

Yes, that. Abusers don't change overnight. I did go about a thousand miles away, but I need emergency contacts for the little guy. That's why I came back. Stressful bunch of moving. Understatement.

At this point, I still hope to do a join petition for divorce. I couldn't complete a divorce while pregnant, and going through the stress of the process right away after baby came might've cracked me.

I'm going to have to see if he agrees that it just won't work for us to stay married and how it can still work if we're not. Otherwise...stress

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