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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

those of you who have husbands/boyfriends that suffer with depression

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Over the past few months things slowly started to change. At first i just blew it all off. Then a couple weeks ago things got really bad. He refused to go back to work, he lost all intrest in the kids and I, he slept all day, and when he was awake all he did was play video games. this of coarse started alot of tension between us. until one day I was reading another moms post about her hubby being depressed. i relized my husband was suffering from all the same symptoms. So that night i just flat out asked him, after the kids went to bed. At first he reacted as i knew he would and freaked out saying no he wasnt and caused a huge fight. But by the end he admitted he was. So he made a doc appointment and is now on anti depresents. i know it takes time to kick in his system, but is their anything extra i can do to help him get better? I try my best not to fight with him when hes trying to purposely start a fight, I try making him get out and do things, make him help with the kids. the things he used to like before he got depressed.

 

Depression scares me. i have never myself suffered from it so I don't fully understand. But I have seen it to many times. My dad killed himself when i was young, my brother has tried many times, My grandma tried just last year, my best friend was commited to the hospital for over a year for it. i've seen the harm it does, but i don't know how to help, but i can't sit around and watch my husband suffer like this :( I don't want my children to grow up without a dad like i had to because it got to bad!

(so far he has not shown any signs of being suicidal, but i know its a matter of time if this medicine dosent help soon)

by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 5:32 PM
Replies (11-13):
my4loves4
by Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 8:06 PM

 

Theres not many around, and we havent found one thatll accept his insurance :/ and since hes not working the only money we are getting is his military pay and that barely covers the bills so we cant afford out of pocket.

Quoting catrig:

It's a really fine line. If you can manage it, I would recommend counseling. Both individually and together.


Quoting my4loves4:

 


thats another worry i have. I dont know what the line is.  :(


Quoting catrig:

It a fine line between being supportive, and enabling. I am not saying that you are enabling, just to watch out.

 


 



 

catrig
by Bronze Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 8:07 PM
Do you go to church?


Quoting my4loves4:

 


Theres not many around, and we havent found one thatll accept his insurance :/ and since hes not working the only money we are getting is his military pay and that barely covers the bills so we cant afford out of pocket.


Quoting catrig:

It's a really fine line. If you can manage it, I would recommend counseling. Both individually and together.



Quoting my4loves4:


 



thats another worry i have. I dont know what the line is.  :(



Quoting catrig:

It a fine line between being supportive, and enabling. I am not saying that you are enabling, just to watch out.


 



 





 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Feb. 18, 2013 at 11:47 AM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting my4loves4:

 

He got his from his regualr doc :( ive been trying to tell him to find a phyc but we havent been able to find one around here that accepts his insurance.... Is there anything I can do to help him? Does me making him do things he used to like to do help? Or is it a loss cause, or pressuring him more?

Quoting earthangel1967:

 Both my husband and myself suffer from bipolar (so extreme highs and lows including severe depression bouts) but we both are really well balanced living healthy happy high quality lives now as long as we both take our meds everyday and night which we do.

You are right it can take time for the meds to kick in but another thing that is important to know is if at all possible make sure a pyschiatrist is prescribing and monitoring this medication as opposed to a regular even good family dr. This is important bc the psychiatrist is able to more easily and quickly find the right meds and dosages and eliminate the ones that are not right. The thing is it is possible to get lucky and have the first med they try be the right one (let them know if he is having any bad lasting side effects so they know if they need to switch him to a different one or alter the dosage  - another thing psychiatrists are better at).  It is VERY common to have to try out more than one medication at varying dosages until you find the right med and right dosage for that person. The tricky thing is that even if 100 people have depression even in the same family it does not  mean they will all have effective treatement with the same med or dosage it is all very very individual! So if he does have to try more than one please dont get discouraged or lose hope and dont let him either. THERE IS a med out there that will work for him and he will feel so much better its almost like being reborn! No it wont get rid of the stress and problems life throws his way but its dramatically easier to deal with, I didnt think a med could help me as much as mine does, I woudl have thought I would need a brain transplant, it was that big of a difference once I got on the right kind and amount. The other important thing is that once he does find what works for him he must NOT stop taking it when he feels all better, bc it can come back with a vengeance, there is not a CURE for depression just treatment at this time. If he was diabetic or ashtmatic or such he wouldnt think twice of taking his daily meds to treat his illness that is how he will need to think of this illness too. It is not a weakness or anything either, its a chemical imbalance in the body he has no control over. The same chemicals that drop lower when we wake up feeling a little blue or under the weather in a depressed person have dropped wayyyyy lower than that to an extreme so the results are more extreme too.

 

 

 Maybe check and see if you have a community mental health in your area (you should at least fairly nearby) if they accept him they go on a sliding scale fee and when we went they were even free. (not the meds just the dr and therapy etc and they use patient centered care where HE gets to set his goals according to what his life and health would like ideally to HIM and they help him get there. They are awesome!

A lot of people tend to think of a regular person feeling a little blue if they havent suffered from depression so try to cheer the depressed person up or tell them they just need some sunshine and fresh air or exercise, that is sooooo frustrating to hear as a depressed person bc it tells you even more that you know they dont understand, when you are severely depressed you completely LOSE all interest in things you love doing and you even have to FORCE yourself to do normal things sometimes things as simple as grooming, and sometimes you feel like you literally cant even force yourself to do things like that. Everything feels overwhelming and hopeless and dark, frequently you just want to hide from the world even those you love and even if you arent suicidal you think it would be easier if you could just go to sleep and never wake up bc feelings ALL FEELINGS are overwhelming and stressful.

Probably the best thing you can do is when he is in one of his better balanced moments tell him that you care sooooo much and that you want to be helpful and ask him if when he does get like that is there anything you can do or say or NOT do or say to help him? Tell him there is no wrong answers and you wont take it personal even if he says he just needs some space. Tell him you are a team and in this together and you've got his back and that together you will win this fight against depression. Tell him you understand the depression is not really about WHO the REAL him is, his balanced healthy self is the REAL him, he is like the sunshine that continues to shine even behind the storm clouds(depression) that hide who is for a time but you know he is still shining deep behind them and when the depression/clouds pass he is still there and eventually you guys will find the right meds (wind) that will keep blowing those storm clouds away. HUGS to both of you. My heart goes out to you too bc I know how hard it is to be the loved one of someone suffering from a mental illness. Its stressful scary and sad and frustrating. hang in there and make sure you take good care of you too!


YVONNE

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