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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

How do you diffuse a fight?

Posted by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 2:14 PM
  • 22 Replies

5 Ways to Stop Fighting Before It Gets Ugly

Posted by Lindsay Mannering

signFighting is a part of every partnership (or at least it should be), and learning how to fight or disagree constructively is a big part of maintaining a healthy relationship. Sure, slamming the door and not coming out for hours sounds super fun, and yeah, sleeping at your sister's for a week will drive home some sort of point, but those two options aren't nearly as beneficial as having an effective conversation with your partner, even if you're seething

Here are 5 ways to stop the fighting, and start the talking, before things get ugly.

  1. Speak using "I" statements. It's classic advice, but it works. Saying "I" statements helps you avoid saying anything you'll regret, like, "You're so lazy and all you do is watch TV!" and turns it into "I feel neglected when you don't help around the house." Feel the difference?
  2. Avoid sarcasm. A lot us try and use humor to diffuse a situation, which is great, just ... don't be sarcastic. Tensions are running high, so what you think is a sarcastic joke about divorce can be misinterpreted in the worst way possible.
  3. No response is sometimes the best response. When we're pissed off, confused, hurt, or even tired, we can be quick to lash out. When you're having a disagreement with your partner and you feel like going for the jugular, remember that sometimes it's just best not to say anything. There's always tomorrow to say how you really feel in a constructive, thoughtful way. Which brings me to ...
  4. There's always tomorrow. Sometimes when we're fighting, we think we have to say everything that's wrong, or unleash every frustration we've ever had in the history of the relationship because we think this fight is the only chance we'll get. Not true. I know we've been trained to seize the day, but in some cases, you need to seize the tomorrow. Or the next week. Or the month. Take time to think about what you want to say and what's really bothering you, then bring it up (yes, you can do that!) when you've both had time to step away from the trees and take a look at the forest.
  5. Breathe. Age old tip, but counting to 10 and taking deep breaths really, truly helps. 

How do you diffuse a fight?

by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 2:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
furbabymum
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 2:40 PM

I tell him we can waait for marriage counseling and see what she says. :P I need to stop doing that though she always tells me I'm wrong. LOL

Dimples303
by Silver Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 2:41 PM

I try my best to hold my tongue until I calm down a little. I have a tendency to just say whatever and sometimes blow things out of proportion, so taking the time to breathe and think about the situation before I react really helps. Most of the time I realize its not really a big deal and doesn't need to be addressed anyways. :o 

Noahs-Mom
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 2:44 PM
1 mom liked this

it has taken me 8 years to figure this out.  I don't feed into his fit. when he gets upset he gets snappy. I keep calm and kill him with kindess.

MiddleAgeMess
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 2:45 PM
1 mom liked this
We hold hands while we hash things out. Its too hard to be mean when youre lovingly touching each other. It also signifies that youre in this together, no matter the outcome.
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eatyourveges
by Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 2:57 PM
1 mom liked this
That's a good idea, I think I'm going to start doing this.


Quoting MiddleAgeMess:

We hold hands while we hash things out. Its too hard to be mean when youre lovingly touching each other. It also signifies that youre in this together, no matter the outcome.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Serenity7
by Platinum Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 3:01 PM

 Thanks for posting

MJP76
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 3:39 PM

Well first we never use the term fighting...or fight. It implies negative. We don't scream or throw things or hit each other

we use the term debate, or healthily disagree. But if either if us has an issue we discuss it...like adults. :)

Gabrielle1982
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 3:58 PM
1 mom liked this

 I will often just not say anything.  I'll just let him vent and run his mouth.  If he demands a response, I'll just say, I hear you, and repeat (sum up) what he's been venting about.  If I'm the one venting I do try to make sure I'm saying "I feel" instead of "you" statements.  Thank you, counseling.

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Feb. 18, 2013 at 4:43 PM

I usually just let him throw his hissy fit and say what he wants to say and sit calmly while humming in my head to tune him out. When he's done acting like a toddler, I ask him if he feels better now. My husband likes to erupt like a volcano over stupid things and throw man-baby fits. I've been waiting for 12 years now for it to stop, but at 37 years old, it's still the same thing. My best defense is to just let him do his thing and stay quiet. He always feels like an ass later and apologizes. 

wulfeyes05
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 4:44 PM
Samurai sword fight to the death...One or both of us will walk away.
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