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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

HELP My husband sent flowers to another woman on Vday

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So a few days ago I discovered that my husband used our credit card to purchase $70 flowers for another woman that he works with. He had them sent to her on valentines day with a message that read "Here is a little gift from a jerk :)". Once he came home, I confronted him. He goes on to tell me how they are just work friends and that him and some other guys from work were making fun of her because her bf does not ever get her flowers. So, she called him a jerk and he felt bad about making fun of her. He then stated that the flowers were an apology. Later on in the conversation I asked him if he has been texting her outside of work. I told him that I have the phone records and I will know if he is being truthful or not. He then tells me that yes he text her outside of work on an average of about 200-300 text each day. He then thoughT it was a good idea to let me read some of the text messages as a way of showing me that there was nothing going on. I felt like the conversation was extremely personal in nature. She was talking to him about her miscarriage and her family. I was very hurt by that. Now eight months ago I was pregnant with our 2nd child and he told me that he did not love me like he felt he should love his wife. He talked about how he wanted a fairytale romance. About a week later I found out that he met some woman through his online game and they were having late nite phone conversations for hours while I was asleep, at work, or while he was alone. He felt so connected to this woman that he had never met that he was actually willing to put on hold fixing our relationship so that he could see what was there with the other. However, in the end we decided that we were going to go to counseling and work on our marriage. He cut off all communication with her. Because of everything that has gone on I severly mistrust him. He, however, sees nothing wrong with his behavior. He tells me that he has not lied to me and they are friends. The fact remains that I had no idea until a few days ago how often he was texting her, and he never came to talk to me about getting a woman that I do not know flowers. WHAT DO YOU THINK AND WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF IT WAS YOU? THANKS FOR YOUR FEEDBACK

by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 5:58 AM
Replies (11-20):
angelachristine
by Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 8:50 AM

I would kick him to the curb. He sounds like a pos. sorry

It's Cassandra Cat! 

nursesharon
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:01 AM
Wow. It seems like ur husband is still looking for someone. If nothing is happening yet w/this woman then it will. He has to want to stop. The fact that they work together will make it difficult. I hate ultimatums but I think u need to give him one. And if he wants to make things work u need to tell that woman to go confide in her therapist and leave ur DH alone. She is probably in the same position as him if she is giving him all this personal info, and she may even be mourning her loss and not realize how far she is going to look for help w/her grief. But that doesn't mean u should have to put up w/that. Did u get anything from him on v-day?
nursesharon
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:06 AM
Oh, and when I see that an apology is warranted for my actions, I usually just say I am sorry...
MrsLondon
by Bronze Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:09 AM

Can't tell you what to do but if it were me his clothes would be on the grass and all his crap on the curb waiting on him. Oh, and the locks would be changed. There's no way in hell I'd allow my husband to step foot back into our house after that BS. He was going to put your "marriage" on hold to pursue another woman and you were going to do what??? Wait on him to be finished with her??? You are some kind of fool. I'd rather be alone and happy then married and totally disrespected from A to Z.

Go ahead and stay with him. Next thing will be that he'll be popping up with a baby from some other woman.

CutieCrab
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:16 AM

He should NOT send other women flowers PERIOD. Even if he was a jerk. That girl will read to much into him sending her flowers  and texting her. He needs to stop!

MomRocs1102
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:18 AM

Bs, hes a liar what do you need help with seeing the truth?  I would say try to talk to a professional but that will only help if hes willing to be a man and be honest about what hes really doing. Sorry.

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mommieofII
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:29 AM

Honestly I would be done.. that is too much heartache a nd I dont feel that someone loves you if they are willing to take the risk he is.

aikimomof3
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:41 AM

I would definitely have a problem with it. Even if he is being "honest" with you by not lying when you confronted him, I think being that close and connected to someone else outside of the marriage is pretty much an emotional affair. Basically he is giving attention to other woman that he should be giving to YOU. If he had used all that energy on you and your relationship instead of seeking comfort outside of the marriage, you two probably could have the romance that he is looking for.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I think you two probably need marriage counseling to get things back on the right track.

camo.roo
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:46 AM
$70 flowers is way over the top for a "friend" even if they just talk friendly, seems like he's into her more than just friends. What did you get for valentines day?
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Jukebox_Jenny
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 9:49 AM
I think he's proven to you he's not in your relationship the way he should be and I'd be finished. But what is do isn't important. You need to decide when enough is enough.
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