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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

HELP My husband sent flowers to another woman on Vday

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So a few days ago I discovered that my husband used our credit card to purchase $70 flowers for another woman that he works with. He had them sent to her on valentines day with a message that read "Here is a little gift from a jerk :)". Once he came home, I confronted him. He goes on to tell me how they are just work friends and that him and some other guys from work were making fun of her because her bf does not ever get her flowers. So, she called him a jerk and he felt bad about making fun of her. He then stated that the flowers were an apology. Later on in the conversation I asked him if he has been texting her outside of work. I told him that I have the phone records and I will know if he is being truthful or not. He then tells me that yes he text her outside of work on an average of about 200-300 text each day. He then thoughT it was a good idea to let me read some of the text messages as a way of showing me that there was nothing going on. I felt like the conversation was extremely personal in nature. She was talking to him about her miscarriage and her family. I was very hurt by that. Now eight months ago I was pregnant with our 2nd child and he told me that he did not love me like he felt he should love his wife. He talked about how he wanted a fairytale romance. About a week later I found out that he met some woman through his online game and they were having late nite phone conversations for hours while I was asleep, at work, or while he was alone. He felt so connected to this woman that he had never met that he was actually willing to put on hold fixing our relationship so that he could see what was there with the other. However, in the end we decided that we were going to go to counseling and work on our marriage. He cut off all communication with her. Because of everything that has gone on I severly mistrust him. He, however, sees nothing wrong with his behavior. He tells me that he has not lied to me and they are friends. The fact remains that I had no idea until a few days ago how often he was texting her, and he never came to talk to me about getting a woman that I do not know flowers. WHAT DO YOU THINK AND WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF IT WAS YOU? THANKS FOR YOUR FEEDBACK

by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 5:58 AM
Replies (21-30):
ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Feb. 26, 2013 at 10:05 AM
Took the words right out of my mouth!

Quoting NDADanceMom:

$70 apology? He could have sent her a $20 pot of tulips if it was an apology. If it was multiple men they could have kicked in and been on the card.
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kjbennett26
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 10:06 AM

cheater....what a complete douche

furbabymum
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 10:22 AM

 I think by not telling you it's the same as lying outright. I would be extremely upset with my DH. I have no problem with him having female friends but he has to keep it proper. Your DH crossed a line imo.

So you've been to counseling and he obviously hasn't taken it seriously. You can continue counseling for yourself at the least. I think in the end you'll have to decide if this is something you are willing to live with forever or not.

eoewan
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 11:33 AM

I would have thought the flowers was a sweet way of apologizing. I would have been proud of Dh for being sensitive regarding his earlier actions. However, texting continuously would be crossing a line. There is an emotional connection that is worrisome.

My suggestion would be for you both to go to counselling.

Dee0886
by Bronze Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 12:03 PM

Wow, I'm sorry. I agree that no married man should be texting another woman that much. He crossed the line with another woman and he needs to ake responsibility for it. I don't blame you for no longer trusting him and he has to earn it back.

Good sign is he had these text messages which mean he probably really didn't think there wasn't anything wrong with it. Usually guilt invoves deleting "evidence". Go to counseling and good luck with everything.

Zazayam
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 12:14 PM

Sheesh, I'm sorry hun. I'm of the mindset that you can absolutely cheat on me without ever touching another person, and that's what I would call that. Try marriage counselling and tell him flat out, this is not ok.

Mommy2BeAmy
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 12:20 PM
Op I totally agree with this...but seriously 200 to 300 txts a day?! Who does that I dont even text dh that much not evenbwhen we first met thats insanity hes likes this woman a lot dont be fooled. He likes her I think u need to leave or ask him to.


Quoting 2lilmamas:

A $70 arrangement for an apology sounds like a lot of bs to me. He is somehow leading some type of relationship with this woman. 200 to 300 textes a day... What seriosuly he making excuses and I already see the pattern. He finds no wrong in this. Cant say if he has slept with her or not but he definitely has an emotional relationship with her that lead to more....

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LaughingTattoo
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 12:34 PM

Id be packing my stuff honestly....thats all just a bit much

little.worthen
by Tessie on Feb. 26, 2013 at 12:38 PM
1 mom liked this

i think you are reading into it too much. the fact that he handed over his phone says that he doesnt feel guilt at all and thinks he isnt doing anything wrong. so you shouldnt be concerned. and while $70 is excessive imo for an apology, it sounds like a legit reason and actually similar to something i did for a male co-worker who's feelings i hurt really bad.

Anryan
by Platinum Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 12:40 PM

Irish, my SO, has a very sweet and caring nature and has done similar acts for coworkers/friends...male and female...the kick is he always says "hey i'm gonna do X because of X" and i'm like ok no worries.  Yes he has spent alot of money at times, and at others not so much.  He gets enjoyment out of making people happy.

David, my DH, is also this way and even went so far as to give his rebuilt 1973 mustang to a friend of his, a lady, whose car got stolen and was found trashed on the highway.  Yes he gave her title and all and to this day she still drives it.  Again, he gets enjoyment out of helping people and making them happy.

At no time have i ever distrusted either of the men in my life because they haven't given me reason to.  My point in this is I completely understand the mistrust you have with your DH, in that position i would too.  With his previous history of getting involved online with someone i would have my doubts to. I also think that him showing you the texts was a good first step for him, that he was showing you what he was texting about, etc.  Yes, i think you guys have alot of talking to do and likely counseling may help, tho i think both have to be involved in any type of counseling if it is to work.  Hopefully, you guys will talk and you can both trust each other again and each have friends, that are just friends and regardless of gender, and both be comfortable with that.  Friends are important in life.

HUGS

Anryan,

Wife to.....

  David    and   Irish

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