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HELP My husband sent flowers to another woman on Vday

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So a few days ago I discovered that my husband used our credit card to purchase $70 flowers for another woman that he works with. He had them sent to her on valentines day with a message that read "Here is a little gift from a jerk :)". Once he came home, I confronted him. He goes on to tell me how they are just work friends and that him and some other guys from work were making fun of her because her bf does not ever get her flowers. So, she called him a jerk and he felt bad about making fun of her. He then stated that the flowers were an apology. Later on in the conversation I asked him if he has been texting her outside of work. I told him that I have the phone records and I will know if he is being truthful or not. He then tells me that yes he text her outside of work on an average of about 200-300 text each day. He then thoughT it was a good idea to let me read some of the text messages as a way of showing me that there was nothing going on. I felt like the conversation was extremely personal in nature. She was talking to him about her miscarriage and her family. I was very hurt by that. Now eight months ago I was pregnant with our 2nd child and he told me that he did not love me like he felt he should love his wife. He talked about how he wanted a fairytale romance. About a week later I found out that he met some woman through his online game and they were having late nite phone conversations for hours while I was asleep, at work, or while he was alone. He felt so connected to this woman that he had never met that he was actually willing to put on hold fixing our relationship so that he could see what was there with the other. However, in the end we decided that we were going to go to counseling and work on our marriage. He cut off all communication with her. Because of everything that has gone on I severly mistrust him. He, however, sees nothing wrong with his behavior. He tells me that he has not lied to me and they are friends. The fact remains that I had no idea until a few days ago how often he was texting her, and he never came to talk to me about getting a woman that I do not know flowers. WHAT DO YOU THINK AND WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF IT WAS YOU? THANKS FOR YOUR FEEDBACK

by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 5:58 AM
Replies (51-60):
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 12:09 AM

Your husband is a cheater. Kick him to the curb.

by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 3:55 AM
1 mom liked this

Ok, here's my first question, did he get YOU over $70 worth of flowers!? I would've flipped!!

I dunno, Hon'....honestly, it sounds like if isn't going to be this woman, it may be another. He sounds like he wants out and isn't as into this relationship/marriage/future as you are.
If my husband were sending text messages back and forth with another woman, i'd be furious! (unless it were his Mom or sister) let alone talking all the time...

I come from a background where my Mom broke up our family by having an affair with a Dad had NO idea...none of us completely shattered what we knew....
if strongly advise to think about the kids, and yourself, and either do more counseling, or get out while you still can. 

by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 7:55 AM
I've been in your position. My X ended up leaving me for my BFF. It started out as talking online, then I let her move in without realizing they had been talking. Eventually, he sent flowers and a necklace.
When I was recovering from a near fatal accident on the first floor of our home, she was in my room with him; down the hall from my children.
A cheater is a cheater! We went through 4 years of counseling and our divorce became final in 2010. She dumped him. I soon began dating a man that was there for me during my worst times. I'm happier than ever now that I don't have to worry about my Man getting involved with another woman.
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by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 8:14 AM

 I would be gone...given what has happened in the past and the fact that he texts her so much on a daily basis and bought her 70 dollar flowers is a red flag in my opinion, sounds like something is going on and if it were me I wouldn't be able to deal with that shit. I am so sorry you are going through this.

by Michele on Feb. 27, 2013 at 8:25 AM

First of all I am so sorry your dh is hurting you like this. For me it would be a huge problem, very possibly a deal breaker, a definate need for serious counseling. It would have to stop 100%. Your dh is thriving on emotional affairs, and I am sure given time and the right person it will become a physical affair.

by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 8:52 AM

that was my first thought -- that if it were a few guys giving her a hard time, then why weren't they on the card and why wasn't he reimbursed their portion for the flowers. 

by Bronze Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 10:07 AM

Seems fishy but counseling may help salvage your relationship if that's what you want. I'd def suggest the counseling though

by Bronze Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 10:13 AM

$70 for flowers to apologize is out of line.  200-300 texts A DAY is exorbitant for someone he says is just a friend.

I'm sorry you are going through this and you two should continue counseling.  I wouldn't find his behavior innocent either, especially considering his past emotional cheating.  There is no need for him to be speaking to her that often or of things that personal and he's crossing the line.  If he wants to work on your relationship, then he needs to focus on that and stop talking to other women and sending them flowers.  Those flowers were best served sent to you and not apologizing to this other person.

by Bronze Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 10:25 AM

 There is nothing okay about this. I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm glad you are going to counseling!

by Silver Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 12:54 PM
Getting her flowers for making fun of her wouldn't be to bad if he had gotten cheap flowers, but he spent $70 on flowers for another woman! I don't see that being ok. Also, why would he need to text her 200-300 times a day?!?!?!? Out of all the people I text in a day I don't even send that many. Let alone to one person. I wouldn't trust him either. I would be afraid he deleted the text messages that he didn't want to get cought with before showing you. Good luck to you, and I hope he is really being 100% honest with you.
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