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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

He came to me and said (updated)

Posted by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 12:44 AM
  • 37 Replies

So my DH says to me a few days ago "do you ever have those days where you think well life sucks". I said I have moments like that yes. why, do you? he responds yes, all of the time.. I got quiet for a minute and ask him why he thinks he feels this way. he says he has no idea. so Today he comes to me and says, i am severely depressed. Just depressed, and im snappy all of the time (and to this I nodded and agreed because he has been). I said maybe its time to see a doctor, or find someone to talk this out with. he agreed and said after our daughters birthday party he will look into it. Through all of this, I am thinking, what if I did something wrong.. am I not being a good enough wife? i cook, i clean, i try to make sure there isnt much for him to do, so on and so forth, but there is something nagging me about this. like the other day i had a really bad craving for something to eat.. its snowing and the roads are a mess, but i decide screw it im going to get something at the store.. so I tell him a friend of mine is going with me (she lives about 15 minutes away). so i go pick her up go to the store get what iwant, bring her home and come home. as soon as i walk through the door "where the hell did you go?". im like i told you to the store.. hes like yeah ok youve been gone an hour, where did you go? i said like i told you, the store.. so a few days go by and he says again "again, the other day, where did you go.. and i mean really?".. im sitting there like what the hell are you talking about? i told you i went to the store! the roads were bad so i took my time so i didnt get into an accident. is my safety not important, or just the time?! he just glared at me. he asked if i went anywhere else. i said yes, i told you before i left i had my friend going with me.. he said no, no you didnt.. im like umm yeah i did.. its like hes missing parts of conversations, and becoming very accusatory.. like im hiding something.. I dont enjoy him making me feel this way, and Im not sure what to do.. I love him to death and just think he needs help.. I just hope this doesnt escalate before he sees a doctor. :(

Thank you ladies for all of your support. I took an oppertunity today to talk to my my DH again. i explained how things are making me feel, and how I am really very concerned. He said that he does not mean to come across as accusatory, and how he understands my concerns and fully agrees to see a doctor. I truly think a lot of it is his testosterone, and he agrees. He is really taking all of this very well, and was very open with me today. he assured me that it has nothing to do with what I am doing or saying that is causing problems for him.. and that makes me feel better. so in a few weeks off to the doctor we are going, and I know things will start looking up :)

by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 12:44 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MommyO2-6631
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 1:34 AM
1 mom liked this
Don't wait. He needs to see a doctor NOW! Is there a possibility he has something to feel guilty about?
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amberstars
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 2:16 AM
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Maybe he is cheating on you.  Usually the ones who accuse you of cheating are in fact the ones cheating.  Take him to a doctor.

Dragon, wife to Eagle.  Sister-wife to Swan and Rainbow.  Author, astronomer, world traveler, gamer, & reader.  Muslim revert.  In an inter-racial and cross-cultural marriage.


Dragon Eyes

98765
by Silver Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 6:15 AM

Ive been in mental health for 14 years. Depression has NOTHING to do with you. It is a chemical imbalance that can be diagnosed and treated with medicaitons and therapy. It is nothng YOU did to cause it or make him feel that way.

As for the missing parts of conversations, it could be somehing neurological. Will he allow you to go into the Dr with him? You need to make sure the Dr receives ALL information. If he doesnt I would call the Dr and speak to him myself, or send a letter. The Dr can't talk to you because of confientiality but he can listen to you and what you have to say.

Good luck

justpeachy71904
by Silver Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 6:38 AM
1 mom liked this
Oh I'm so sorry. :( depression is such a nasty monster. But him coming to you is such a big thing. Feel honored in a way. He has trusted you enough to confide in you enough something men don't admit, vulnerability. What a huge step! It took my husband years to do that.

Support him and live him how you can. I know it seems hard. But the meds will cause mood swings possibly anger and sadness, tears and fatigue. Just love him through it. Hold him and encourage him. DO NOT scold him no matter how exhausted you feel, he will stop and shut Dow n.

Have his testosterone checked as well. Immediately. Very important. Please do immediately. It was a huge factor in my husbands and interesting how a young man can suffer from something like that. His levels were that of an 80yt old man. I couldn't imagine how crazy id feel! Pms times 100 perhaps. :(

Best of luck and keep us posted.
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PrincessButton
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 7:00 AM
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I wish you luck with finding the right help for your husband! My thoughts and prayers go out to you!

2lilmamas
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 10:29 AM
1 mom liked this
Looks he may have a chemical in balance. Take him to see a doctor he will treated with tthe right medication wnd therapy.
furbabymum
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 10:33 AM
1 mom liked this

 I agree with PP's. Don't wait another minute and you should go in with him. I know my DH didn't remember a lot so my attendance at his initial appt was important. Good luck to you both!

CorpCityGrl
by Bronze Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 10:38 AM

Don't wait and have him see a doctor now! 

Depression is serious and if you wait too long, it is harder to treat and their behavior becomes even worse.  DH is going through incredibly severe depression now and I regret not pushing to get him help a long time ago.  We're at a point where there are no more good days and all days are bad and we barely talk.  His family also has a history of depression and high anxiety and chemical imbalance, so he was prone to all of this.

You have to remember that it isn't your fault.  At this point, he may be hearing you but may not be actually listening to what you are saying.

CorpCityGrl
by Bronze Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 10:40 AM


DH is going to see a psychiatrist for the first time on Monday.  He suffers from severe depression and this was a long process in getting him to agree to go.  He wants to go by himself even though I would like to go with him for his first appointment because I don't think he will be completely truthful with the doctor and tell him everything.  Can I really talk to the doctor or write him a letter about my concerns?  I know that the doctor cannot discuss his case with me due to confidentiality, but I want DH to get the most help he can get.

Quoting 98765:

Ive been in mental health for 14 years. Depression has NOTHING to do with you. It is a chemical imbalance that can be diagnosed and treated with medicaitons and therapy. It is nothng YOU did to cause it or make him feel that way.

As for the missing parts of conversations, it could be somehing neurological. Will he allow you to go into the Dr with him? You need to make sure the Dr receives ALL information. If he doesnt I would call the Dr and speak to him myself, or send a letter. The Dr can't talk to you because of confientiality but he can listen to you and what you have to say.

Good luck



icn_mom
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 11:15 AM

 

I dont really know. he goes to work, then comes straight home.. when he is home, he drowns himself in the TV, so maybe he feels guilty that he doesnt spend enough time with our dd and me? I dont know.. we would go to the doctor but we honestly dont have the money for the co pay. I tired telling him we will cut out some stuff so he can go, but he just wants to wait.

Quoting MommyO2-6631:

Don't wait. He needs to see a doctor NOW! Is there a possibility he has something to feel guilty about?


 

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