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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

He came to me and said (updated)

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So my DH says to me a few days ago "do you ever have those days where you think well life sucks". I said I have moments like that yes. why, do you? he responds yes, all of the time.. I got quiet for a minute and ask him why he thinks he feels this way. he says he has no idea. so Today he comes to me and says, i am severely depressed. Just depressed, and im snappy all of the time (and to this I nodded and agreed because he has been). I said maybe its time to see a doctor, or find someone to talk this out with. he agreed and said after our daughters birthday party he will look into it. Through all of this, I am thinking, what if I did something wrong.. am I not being a good enough wife? i cook, i clean, i try to make sure there isnt much for him to do, so on and so forth, but there is something nagging me about this. like the other day i had a really bad craving for something to eat.. its snowing and the roads are a mess, but i decide screw it im going to get something at the store.. so I tell him a friend of mine is going with me (she lives about 15 minutes away). so i go pick her up go to the store get what iwant, bring her home and come home. as soon as i walk through the door "where the hell did you go?". im like i told you to the store.. hes like yeah ok youve been gone an hour, where did you go? i said like i told you, the store.. so a few days go by and he says again "again, the other day, where did you go.. and i mean really?".. im sitting there like what the hell are you talking about? i told you i went to the store! the roads were bad so i took my time so i didnt get into an accident. is my safety not important, or just the time?! he just glared at me. he asked if i went anywhere else. i said yes, i told you before i left i had my friend going with me.. he said no, no you didnt.. im like umm yeah i did.. its like hes missing parts of conversations, and becoming very accusatory.. like im hiding something.. I dont enjoy him making me feel this way, and Im not sure what to do.. I love him to death and just think he needs help.. I just hope this doesnt escalate before he sees a doctor. :(

Thank you ladies for all of your support. I took an oppertunity today to talk to my my DH again. i explained how things are making me feel, and how I am really very concerned. He said that he does not mean to come across as accusatory, and how he understands my concerns and fully agrees to see a doctor. I truly think a lot of it is his testosterone, and he agrees. He is really taking all of this very well, and was very open with me today. he assured me that it has nothing to do with what I am doing or saying that is causing problems for him.. and that makes me feel better. so in a few weeks off to the doctor we are going, and I know things will start looking up :)

by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 12:44 AM
Replies (11-20):
icn_mom
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 11:16 AM

 

I dont know when he'd have the time, unless hes getting a quicky in the parking lot at work.. he literally goes to work, and comes straight home, and is then here the rest of the night.. I would hope that he would just tell me he doesnt want me anymore instead of cheating, and that is the agreement we came upon...

Quoting amberstars:

Maybe he is cheating on you.  Usually the ones who accuse you of cheating are in fact the ones cheating.  Take him to a doctor.


 

icn_mom
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 11:18 AM

 

ive been to all appointments in the past with him, so i dont think me going in would be a problem.. if he doesnt let me go in then I will KNOW something isnt right... He is not the best socially and explaining himself, so he usually has me help!

Quoting 98765:

Ive been in mental health for 14 years. Depression has NOTHING to do with you. It is a chemical imbalance that can be diagnosed and treated with medicaitons and therapy. It is nothng YOU did to cause it or make him feel that way.

As for the missing parts of conversations, it could be somehing neurological. Will he allow you to go into the Dr with him? You need to make sure the Dr receives ALL information. If he doesnt I would call the Dr and speak to him myself, or send a letter. The Dr can't talk to you because of confientiality but he can listen to you and what you have to say.

Good luck


 

icn_mom
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 11:22 AM

 

He has a history of depression himself. he said it hasnt been this bad since he was a kid... so i told him its time to probably go see someone.. he agrees and wants to wait until after our dd's bday party because of money (co pays and such). im just glad he agrees. (the party is on the 10th of march, so not too far away)

Quoting CorpCityGrl:

Don't wait and have him see a doctor now! 

Depression is serious and if you wait too long, it is harder to treat and their behavior becomes even worse.  DH is going through incredibly severe depression now and I regret not pushing to get him help a long time ago.  We're at a point where there are no more good days and all days are bad and we barely talk.  His family also has a history of depression and i high anxiety and chemical imbalance, so he was prone to all of this.

You have to remember that it isn't your fault.  At this point, he may be hearing you but may not be actually listening to what you are saying.


 

icn_mom
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 11:25 AM

 

I fully intend on going with him to his doctors appointment. and because he knows he has trouble explaining things, he gives doctors full permission to talk with me openly about treatment plans, tests results etc. I fell really bad because he is really acting strange, snapping, being accusatory, very quiet, i try the best i can to help him but it is deffnatly time for a doctor to step in

Quoting CorpCityGrl:

 

DH is going to see a psychiatrist for the first time on Monday.  He suffers from severe depression and this was a long process in getting him to agree to go.  He wants to go by himself even though I would like to go with him for his first appointment because I don't think he will be completely truthful with the doctor and tell him everything.  Can I really talk to the doctor or write him a letter about my concerns?  I know that the doctor cannot discuss his case with me due to confidentiality, but I want DH to get the most help he can get.

Quoting 98765:

Ive been in mental health for 14 years. Depression has NOTHING to do with you. It is a chemical imbalance that can be diagnosed and treated with medicaitons and therapy. It is nothng YOU did to cause it or make him feel that way.

As for the missing parts of conversations, it could be somehing neurological. Will he allow you to go into the Dr with him? You need to make sure the Dr receives ALL information. If he doesnt I would call the Dr and speak to him myself, or send a letter. The Dr can't talk to you because of confientiality but he can listen to you and what you have to say.

Good luck

 

 


 

Bertieb
by Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 11:26 AM
1 mom liked this

It does sound like depression, not cheating or something you have done. My SS had problems with remembering things and didn't like not being interested in anybody or anything.  He had neurological tests that came back normal. We didn't notice him being depressed, he smiled and seemed happy, just bored and introverted, stayed home except for school.  Finally had psychological testing done and he tested almost 100% on depression test.

CorpCityGrl
by Bronze Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 11:30 AM


It's good that he agreed to seeing someone because that is the first step.  I hope he gets better really soon!

Quoting icn_mom:


He has a history of depression himself. he said it hasnt been this bad since he was a kid... so i told him its time to probably go see someone.. he agrees and wants to wait until after our dd's bday party because of money (co pays and such). im just glad he agrees. (the party is on the 10th of march, so not too far away)

Quoting CorpCityGrl:

Don't wait and have him see a doctor now! 

Depression is serious and if you wait too long, it is harder to treat and their behavior becomes even worse.  DH is going through incredibly severe depression now and I regret not pushing to get him help a long time ago.  We're at a point where there are no more good days and all days are bad and we barely talk.  His family also has a history of depression and i high anxiety and chemical imbalance, so he was prone to all of this.

You have to remember that it isn't your fault.  At this point, he may be hearing you but may not be actually listening to what you are saying.





CorpCityGrl
by Bronze Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 11:33 AM
1 mom liked this


That's good that he wants to be so open and give you that permission - it gives him a person to be accountable to.

Quoting icn_mom:


I fully intend on going with him to his doctors appointment. and because he knows he has trouble explaining things, he gives doctors full permission to talk with me openly about treatment plans, tests results etc. I fell really bad because he is really acting strange, snapping, being accusatory, very quiet, i try the best i can to help him but it is deffnatly time for a doctor to step in

Quoting CorpCityGrl:


DH is going to see a psychiatrist for the first time on Monday.  He suffers from severe depression and this was a long process in getting him to agree to go.  He wants to go by himself even though I would like to go with him for his first appointment because I don't think he will be completely truthful with the doctor and tell him everything.  Can I really talk to the doctor or write him a letter about my concerns?  I know that the doctor cannot discuss his case with me due to confidentiality, but I want DH to get the most help he can get.

Quoting 98765:

Ive been in mental health for 14 years. Depression has NOTHING to do with you. It is a chemical imbalance that can be diagnosed and treated with medicaitons and therapy. It is nothng YOU did to cause it or make him feel that way.

As for the missing parts of conversations, it could be somehing neurological. Will he allow you to go into the Dr with him? You need to make sure the Dr receives ALL information. If he doesnt I would call the Dr and speak to him myself, or send a letter. The Dr can't talk to you because of confientiality but he can listen to you and what you have to say.

Good luck







CrystalPystol
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 11:35 AM
1 mom liked this
Best of luck to you!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
MommyO2-6631
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 12:57 PM
You can also try a free clinic for now. GL


Quoting icn_mom:

 


I dont really know. he goes to work, then comes straight home.. when he is home, he drowns himself in the TV, so maybe he feels guilty that he doesnt spend enough time with our dd and me? I dont know.. we would go to the doctor but we honestly dont have the money for the co pay. I tired telling him we will cut out some stuff so he can go, but he just wants to wait.


Quoting MommyO2-6631:

Don't wait. He needs to see a doctor NOW! Is there a possibility he has something to feel guilty about?



 


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
drewby1
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 3:12 PM
I saw your post and wanted to encourage you, friend. Sorry that you and your husband are having some rocky days -- it sounds like you're really trying! It's good that you suggested he talk to someone for the depression, that has to be really hard for both of you. You guys might want to consider calling the counselors at Focus on the Family, I've seen a lot of couples helped by them during my time here. I'm praying for ya!
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