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He came to me and said (updated)

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So my DH says to me a few days ago "do you ever have those days where you think well life sucks". I said I have moments like that yes. why, do you? he responds yes, all of the time.. I got quiet for a minute and ask him why he thinks he feels this way. he says he has no idea. so Today he comes to me and says, i am severely depressed. Just depressed, and im snappy all of the time (and to this I nodded and agreed because he has been). I said maybe its time to see a doctor, or find someone to talk this out with. he agreed and said after our daughters birthday party he will look into it. Through all of this, I am thinking, what if I did something wrong.. am I not being a good enough wife? i cook, i clean, i try to make sure there isnt much for him to do, so on and so forth, but there is something nagging me about this. like the other day i had a really bad craving for something to eat.. its snowing and the roads are a mess, but i decide screw it im going to get something at the store.. so I tell him a friend of mine is going with me (she lives about 15 minutes away). so i go pick her up go to the store get what iwant, bring her home and come home. as soon as i walk through the door "where the hell did you go?". im like i told you to the store.. hes like yeah ok youve been gone an hour, where did you go? i said like i told you, the store.. so a few days go by and he says again "again, the other day, where did you go.. and i mean really?".. im sitting there like what the hell are you talking about? i told you i went to the store! the roads were bad so i took my time so i didnt get into an accident. is my safety not important, or just the time?! he just glared at me. he asked if i went anywhere else. i said yes, i told you before i left i had my friend going with me.. he said no, no you didnt.. im like umm yeah i did.. its like hes missing parts of conversations, and becoming very accusatory.. like im hiding something.. I dont enjoy him making me feel this way, and Im not sure what to do.. I love him to death and just think he needs help.. I just hope this doesnt escalate before he sees a doctor. :(

Thank you ladies for all of your support. I took an oppertunity today to talk to my my DH again. i explained how things are making me feel, and how I am really very concerned. He said that he does not mean to come across as accusatory, and how he understands my concerns and fully agrees to see a doctor. I truly think a lot of it is his testosterone, and he agrees. He is really taking all of this very well, and was very open with me today. he assured me that it has nothing to do with what I am doing or saying that is causing problems for him.. and that makes me feel better. so in a few weeks off to the doctor we are going, and I know things will start looking up :)

by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 12:44 AM
Replies (21-30):
brookealexis
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 3:32 PM

what does DH mean???

charity62
by Bronze Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 3:44 PM

 sound like he may be cheating or he does not want to be with you and trying to pick fights

charity62
by Bronze Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 3:45 PM

 DH means Darling Husband

Quoting brookealexis:

what does DH mean???

 

ALolies
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 3:51 PM
1 mom liked this

Hope he gets help and feels better soon. You hang in there... 

hugs

98765
by Silver Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 7:19 PM

Absolutely you can! Again, the doctor cannot TELL YOU anything, but they can certainly listen. I have actually done this with my husand and the medical doctor a few years ago. And I know bc my husband told me, the doctor discussed what I wrote in my letter, without telling him he received the letter. 

Go for it. Good luck!


Quoting CorpCityGrl:


DH is going to see a psychiatrist for the first time on Monday.  He suffers from severe depression and this was a long process in getting him to agree to go.  He wants to go by himself even though I would like to go with him for his first appointment because I don't think he will be completely truthful with the doctor and tell him everything.  Can I really talk to the doctor or write him a letter about my concerns?  I know that the doctor cannot discuss his case with me due to confidentiality, but I want DH to get the most help he can get.

Quoting 98765:

Ive been in mental health for 14 years. Depression has NOTHING to do with you. It is a chemical imbalance that can be diagnosed and treated with medicaitons and therapy. It is nothng YOU did to cause it or make him feel that way.

As for the missing parts of conversations, it could be somehing neurological. Will he allow you to go into the Dr with him? You need to make sure the Dr receives ALL information. If he doesnt I would call the Dr and speak to him myself, or send a letter. The Dr can't talk to you because of confientiality but he can listen to you and what you have to say.

Good luck





icn_mom
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 7:29 PM

 Here they can release medical information with concent. and typically here when you are married and the spouse allows you in the room with them, its an open book.. I just want to make sure he is bringing up ALL his issues for a proper diagnosis. (I quite honestly think a lot of it is low testosterone because he had been tested a few years ago, go ONE treatment, then stopped)... he is over weight, moody, no sex drive at all etc...


Quoting 98765:

Absolutely you can! Again, the doctor cannot TELL YOU anything, but they can certainly listen. I have actually done this with my husand and the medical doctor a few years ago. And I know bc my husband told me, the doctor discussed what I wrote in my letter, without telling him he received the letter. 

Go for it. Good luck!

 

Quoting CorpCityGrl:

 

DH is going to see a psychiatrist for the first time on Monday.  He suffers from severe depression and this was a long process in getting him to agree to go.  He wants to go by himself even though I would like to go with him for his first appointment because I don't think he will be completely truthful with the doctor and tell him everything.  Can I really talk to the doctor or write him a letter about my concerns?  I know that the doctor cannot discuss his case with me due to confidentiality, but I want DH to get the most help he can get.

Quoting 98765:

Ive been in mental health for 14 years. Depression has NOTHING to do with you. It is a chemical imbalance that can be diagnosed and treated with medicaitons and therapy. It is nothng YOU did to cause it or make him feel that way.

As for the missing parts of conversations, it could be somehing neurological. Will he allow you to go into the Dr with him? You need to make sure the Dr receives ALL information. If he doesnt I would call the Dr and speak to him myself, or send a letter. The Dr can't talk to you because of confientiality but he can listen to you and what you have to say.

Good luck

 

 

 

 


 

icn_mom
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 7:31 PM

 

I told him before we got married I was in this for the long haul, and if he ever felt he was done he needs to tell me.. im not a mind reader, but I will also NOT be the one to walk away.

Quoting charity62:

 sound like he may be cheating or he does not want to be with you and trying to pick fights


 

icn_mom
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 7:34 PM
1 mom liked this

 

Thank you so much. I feel kind of lost and helpless in this whole mess. I know it wont be like this for long and we will get through this. Im going to try with coping tools and support the best I can. and when he goes to the doctors, im going to voice it there too... :)

Quoting drewby1:

I saw your post and wanted to encourage you, friend. Sorry that you and your husband are having some rocky days -- it sounds like you're really trying! It's good that you suggested he talk to someone for the depression, that has to be really hard for both of you. You guys might want to consider calling the counselors at Focus on the Family, I've seen a lot of couples helped by them during my time here. I'm praying for ya!


 

98765
by Silver Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 7:46 PM

Yes, thats what I said. WITH CONSENT they can. But I am talking about without consent. The doctor can still LISTEN but just cant say anything. 


Quoting icn_mom:

 Here they can release medical information with concent. and typically here when you are married and the spouse allows you in the room with them, its an open book.. I just want to make sure he is bringing up ALL his issues for a proper diagnosis. (I quite honestly think a lot of it is low testosterone because he had been tested a few years ago, go ONE treatment, then stopped)... he is over weight, moody, no sex drive at all etc...


Quoting 98765:

Absolutely you can! Again, the doctor cannot TELL YOU anything, but they can certainly listen. I have actually done this with my husand and the medical doctor a few years ago. And I know bc my husband told me, the doctor discussed what I wrote in my letter, without telling him he received the letter. 

Go for it. Good luck!


Quoting CorpCityGrl:


DH is going to see a psychiatrist for the first time on Monday.  He suffers from severe depression and this was a long process in getting him to agree to go.  He wants to go by himself even though I would like to go with him for his first appointment because I don't think he will be completely truthful with the doctor and tell him everything.  Can I really talk to the doctor or write him a letter about my concerns?  I know that the doctor cannot discuss his case with me due to confidentiality, but I want DH to get the most help he can get.

Quoting 98765:

Ive been in mental health for 14 years. Depression has NOTHING to do with you. It is a chemical imbalance that can be diagnosed and treated with medicaitons and therapy. It is nothng YOU did to cause it or make him feel that way.

As for the missing parts of conversations, it could be somehing neurological. Will he allow you to go into the Dr with him? You need to make sure the Dr receives ALL information. If he doesnt I would call the Dr and speak to him myself, or send a letter. The Dr can't talk to you because of confientiality but he can listen to you and what you have to say.

Good luck









CutieCrab
by Bronze Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 7:35 AM

 Depressed people do not need a specific reason to be depressed. I get depressed on and off. I take anti depressants. I get really bad anxiety.

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