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He came to me and said (updated)

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So my DH says to me a few days ago "do you ever have those days where you think well life sucks". I said I have moments like that yes. why, do you? he responds yes, all of the time.. I got quiet for a minute and ask him why he thinks he feels this way. he says he has no idea. so Today he comes to me and says, i am severely depressed. Just depressed, and im snappy all of the time (and to this I nodded and agreed because he has been). I said maybe its time to see a doctor, or find someone to talk this out with. he agreed and said after our daughters birthday party he will look into it. Through all of this, I am thinking, what if I did something wrong.. am I not being a good enough wife? i cook, i clean, i try to make sure there isnt much for him to do, so on and so forth, but there is something nagging me about this. like the other day i had a really bad craving for something to eat.. its snowing and the roads are a mess, but i decide screw it im going to get something at the store.. so I tell him a friend of mine is going with me (she lives about 15 minutes away). so i go pick her up go to the store get what iwant, bring her home and come home. as soon as i walk through the door "where the hell did you go?". im like i told you to the store.. hes like yeah ok youve been gone an hour, where did you go? i said like i told you, the store.. so a few days go by and he says again "again, the other day, where did you go.. and i mean really?".. im sitting there like what the hell are you talking about? i told you i went to the store! the roads were bad so i took my time so i didnt get into an accident. is my safety not important, or just the time?! he just glared at me. he asked if i went anywhere else. i said yes, i told you before i left i had my friend going with me.. he said no, no you didnt.. im like umm yeah i did.. its like hes missing parts of conversations, and becoming very accusatory.. like im hiding something.. I dont enjoy him making me feel this way, and Im not sure what to do.. I love him to death and just think he needs help.. I just hope this doesnt escalate before he sees a doctor. :(

Thank you ladies for all of your support. I took an oppertunity today to talk to my my DH again. i explained how things are making me feel, and how I am really very concerned. He said that he does not mean to come across as accusatory, and how he understands my concerns and fully agrees to see a doctor. I truly think a lot of it is his testosterone, and he agrees. He is really taking all of this very well, and was very open with me today. he assured me that it has nothing to do with what I am doing or saying that is causing problems for him.. and that makes me feel better. so in a few weeks off to the doctor we are going, and I know things will start looking up :)

by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 12:44 AM
Replies (31-37):
PrincessButton
by Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 7:50 AM

I'm glad I stumbled upon this post. My man had a depression problem when we met, I knew what I was getting into. I also knew that he is very anti-medication and that he WON'T admit to having a depression problem. I'm happy for you that  your DH came to you and voiced his concern! This post is giving me confidence to try and have a sit down with my SO about this. I want him happy, it is what I strive for every day, I pray for his happiness every night. I will stand by him through anything. Idk how to do it but it's time for the talk.

MomToovey
by Marianne on Feb. 28, 2013 at 8:06 AM

 His depression isn't your fault. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean it's not going to get taken out on you. Make sure he sees that doctor, hopefully things will get better then. Counseling for him and/or both of you might not be a bad idea either.

KellyNips
by Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 8:31 AM
1 mom liked this

he definitely needs to see a doctor or a counselor -- his suspicious behavior will escalate to the point of manipulation and control.  i would suggest monitoring his behavior closely and look for warning signs -- he will soon start monitoring your phone calls, emails, etc. and before you know it, you have become a prisoner in your own home.  be careful and stay strong.

CorpCityGrl
by Bronze Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 8:40 AM


Thank you so much!

I will send out a letter to the doctor today then ahead of DH's appointment on Monday.

Quoting 98765:

Absolutely you can! Again, the doctor cannot TELL YOU anything, but they can certainly listen. I have actually done this with my husand and the medical doctor a few years ago. And I know bc my husband told me, the doctor discussed what I wrote in my letter, without telling him he received the letter. 

Go for it. Good luck!


Quoting CorpCityGrl:


DH is going to see a psychiatrist for the first time on Monday.  He suffers from severe depression and this was a long process in getting him to agree to go.  He wants to go by himself even though I would like to go with him for his first appointment because I don't think he will be completely truthful with the doctor and tell him everything.  Can I really talk to the doctor or write him a letter about my concerns?  I know that the doctor cannot discuss his case with me due to confidentiality, but I want DH to get the most help he can get.

Quoting 98765:

Ive been in mental health for 14 years. Depression has NOTHING to do with you. It is a chemical imbalance that can be diagnosed and treated with medicaitons and therapy. It is nothng YOU did to cause it or make him feel that way.

As for the missing parts of conversations, it could be somehing neurological. Will he allow you to go into the Dr with him? You need to make sure the Dr receives ALL information. If he doesnt I would call the Dr and speak to him myself, or send a letter. The Dr can't talk to you because of confientiality but he can listen to you and what you have to say.

Good luck







drivenleonian
by Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 11:08 AM

My X presented the same behavior. He became abusive and did cheat on me. Our divorce was final 3 years ago, and he still acts like we are married. I can tell when he's off his meds. It's best to get help before he changes into someone you don't know.


Quoting KellyNips:

he definitely needs to see a doctor or a counselor -- his suspicious behavior will escalate to the point of manipulation and control.  i would suggest monitoring his behavior closely and look for warning signs -- he will soon start monitoring your phone calls, emails, etc. and before you know it, you have become a prisoner in your own home.  be careful and stay strong.


Bertha21
by Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 11:16 AM
I sound just like your husband! I doubt he is hiding anything, he is just severely depressed. Take him to the doctor! Finding the right medication can be really hard, I have tried over ten in the last years with no luck. Keep at it and don't give up! I hope he finds something that works. :]
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Krysden
by Platinum Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 9:48 PM
1 mom liked this

Just read the update.... glad things are looking up and that y'all got to really talk.  Good Luck

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