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So my husband had told me that he had cheated on me with a women over the summer and I forgave him well I later found out it was actually somebody that was suppose to be my friend, I am so hurt and i just dont know what to do anymore! I need advice

by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 12:50 AM
Replies (11-19):
No1knows
by Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 1:14 AM
1 mom liked this

You are a beautiful woman and the first thing you must know is him cheating is not about you. It's about him. If you both want the relationship to work you can learn and grow from this and be even stronger than before....but it will be hard to trust him again unless he takes real action to prove he regrets his choices and wants to only be with you. This means cutting all contact with her, getting a job where they do not work together and reconciling with you through clear communication of needs and boundaries. Counseling is not a bad idea.

JaidensMommy2
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 1:16 AM

yeah...a lot of the problem is im so afraid of it getting out I have already lost all my friends which hurts so i dont want to have to deal with the pointing, joke and ect. (we live in a small town)


Quoting shadow_lark:

So he is actually trying to make amends then? And I don't blame you. If I stayed, I would ask the same thing of my Dh.

Quoting JaidensMommy2:


I asked him to start looking for another job beccause im not really comfortable so I hope he finds one quick


Quoting shadow_lark:

Are you OK with that? In the end it comes down to you. We can give advice until our fingers bleed from typing, but you need to do what feels right for you.



Quoting JaidensMommy2:


I have cut her out my life completely and he says he is going to except for what has to be spoken on at work. Because hes her auditor



Quoting shadow_lark:

Seek counseling as an individual and as a couple to see if you can work past it. Have him cut her out if his life if he hasn't already, and you should too. Friends don't mess with friend's spouses.










smurfbitebug
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 1:18 AM
1 mom liked this
If he wasn't completely honest with you from the get-go, he isn't sorry. That friend isn't a friend and is obviously not someone you need to be associating with anyways, if she is so willing to back stab you. He should have told you, especially since it was a friend.
You need to seriously consider how you should handle that with him. Did you forgive him because you wanted to and love him and truly think he will never do it again? Or did you forgive him because you don't want to split up with him?
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rayroe2
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 1:18 AM

 of it happen again? Yeah I have those feelings. I don't know how to let go of those so I cant help any there. Just stay positive and find god together. Just work it out how y'all know how and you might need a 3rd person around just to help out.

Quoting JaidensMommy2:

 

I want to move forward with him because I love who he use to be and I believe he can be that person again, Im just afraid.

Quoting rayroe2:

 sorry. I hope you get some good advice. I feel hurt for no reason today. I just feel like I might be crazy or I might really be hurt about something I don't even know! Do you want to move forward with him? Do you want to leave him? Have you had time to think? Don't focus on the kids, they will be alright if they are supported good through it you know. What do you need to feel better?

 

 

 


shadow_lark
by Silver Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 1:21 AM
He's the one that should be ridiculed, not you. And if they make fun of you to your face tell them to fuck off. You said your vows and you stick by them, for better or for worse. And that if they want to point and laugh at someone they can point and laugh at the guy who couldn't keep his Willie in his pants, and the woman who made herself a home wrecking ho.
Are you in counseling at all? If not, I would strongly suggest it. They can help you cope with the fear and embarrassment, and give you tools to help regain your trust in your Dh.


Quoting JaidensMommy2:

yeah...a lot of the problem is im so afraid of it getting out I have already lost all my friends which hurts so i dont want to have to deal with the pointing, joke and ect. (we live in a small town)



Quoting shadow_lark:

So he is actually trying to make amends then? And I don't blame you. If I stayed, I would ask the same thing of my Dh.



Quoting JaidensMommy2:


I asked him to start looking for another job beccause im not really comfortable so I hope he finds one quick



Quoting shadow_lark:

Are you OK with that? In the end it comes down to you. We can give advice until our fingers bleed from typing, but you need to do what feels right for you.





Quoting JaidensMommy2:


I have cut her out my life completely and he says he is going to except for what has to be spoken on at work. Because hes her auditor




Quoting shadow_lark:

Seek counseling as an individual and as a couple to see if you can work past it. Have him cut her out if his life if he hasn't already, and you should too. Friends don't mess with friend's spouses.













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JaidensMommy2
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 1:26 AM

Thank you so much!

CutieCrab
by Bronze Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 7:39 AM

 Well you already forgave him. I would stop being her friend though...

MomToovey
by Marianne on Feb. 28, 2013 at 8:12 AM
2 moms liked this

 Oh, I wish I had seen this post before I read your other one. Getting over a betrayal like that is going to take a long time. He needs to know that healing and forgiving are two different things. Just because you forgive him doesn't mean you're over it. You're going to need time (and counseling, if I'm being honest) to get through it. If there are ways he can help, let him know. If there are things you need to do on your own to move the healing process along, let him know.

And then the both of you need to find a counselor to help you build back that trust. It's not going to be overnight, but it can and does happen - if both of you are 100% committed to making it work.

Good luck.

CharlotteRose
by Charlotte on Feb. 28, 2013 at 8:17 AM

 

As I see it, he should be doing EVERYTHING in his power to regain your trust and you have the upper hand so i would put it out there - new job or no marriage....I mean, actions speak louder than words
kwim?

Quoting JaidensMommy2:

 

I did tell him that he needed to start looking for a job and im so glad you said that because i thought maybe saying that was taking it overboard.

Quoting rayroe2:

 listen normal I would say work through it but he still work with her?! make him find another job because (sorry) if they had a summer together, they got time to learn each other "sex". It might not end instantly just be careful.

Quoting JaidensMommy2:

 

I have cut her out my life completely and he says he is going to except for what has to be spoken on at work. Because hes her auditor

Quoting shadow_lark:

Seek counseling as an individual and as a couple to see if you can work past it. Have him cut her out if his life if he hasn't already, and you should too. Friends don't mess with friend's spouses.

 

 

 

 

 


 

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