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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Am I wrong? - UPDATE

Posted by on Mar. 1, 2013 at 11:29 PM
  • 41 Replies

Me and the fiancé have been together almost 2 years. I have a 6 yr old before him and I'm now 20 weeks pregnant. We just moved in together a month ago. He's picked up this habit of going to the bar right down the road and I am not happy about it. It's just a small bar with regular people, I've been a few times. I'm not worried about him cheating or anything like that. It's the fact that I want him home. He goes a few nights a week. He's there now while I'm home with my son. I get pissed bc he says he's on his way home, then calls and says "hey I'm going have a beer. Be home in 30 mins". I act like I don't care, bc the night before, same thing happen and I blew up, so since I made it a big deal, he stayed longer. He came home an hour ago and then left and went back, I made another huge deal Bout it. I feel as if he'd much rather be at the bar than at home with me. That's a real hard blow. Yeah my emotions are crazy, but even if i wasn't pregnant, is act the same way! We talked about it an there's no getting passed it. I'm not gonna keep puttin up with this and he says he's not gonna stop ", that he needs his "me time"... I really wish I didn't care. Am I blowing this out of proportion? Do your men do this? Is it ok?

UPDATE... well he did join the gym, but the bar time has not changed.  It was the worse last night. He didn't get home till 1 am.  He didn't get up and go to work this morning either, so of course we fought at 4 AM.   It hurts damn bad that he'd rather spend all his free time at the bar and not with his little family.  I'm letting this get to me way too much and it's the last thing i need with this baby. 

 

by on Mar. 1, 2013 at 11:29 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Zazayam
by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 12:26 AM
2 moms liked this

I got lucky, my hubby spends as much time at home as he can, never been too into going out like that.

So here's a bump, and try not to blow up at him just talk calmly and tell him you're getting pretty pregnant and could use his love and support around the house more.

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Mar. 2, 2013 at 12:29 AM
1 mom liked this

Why would anyone WANT to spend time with someone who demands that they spend time with them? Honestly. I had a friend who did that once, she demanded that her husband spend time with her. The more she demanded, the further he went in the other direction until he finally divorced her ass.

Cut him some slack and find a hobby. Seriously. 

catrig
by Bronze Member on Mar. 2, 2013 at 12:30 AM

Sounds like a big deal.

Mrsjayc
by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 12:35 AM

My husband actually only goes to the bar if we are going together....if i was in your situation i would feel the same way, yeah ok guys need there "men time" but not that many times a week...im sry you have to deal with that, i hope that he smartens up and realizes that what he is doing is not good for your relationship and he shouldnt be stressing you out while your pregnant

twinpicks
by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 12:46 AM
1 mom liked this

Why don't you come to an agreement for him to go out once or twice a week maximum in accordance with the days that suit your childrens(your own needs) the rest of the week he comes home like you expect. If needs be let him choose the two nights he wants to go out that way he feels in charge...


GaleJ
by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 12:50 AM

This isn't about being wrong...or right, for that matter. Please take a step back and realize that you and your fiance need to start talking immediately and it sounds like there is a great deal for you to talk about. I really believe that couples must talk through how they are going to handle every aspect of their lives including how time is going to be spent in terms of personal time, family time and balancing the two. To not do so is to invite the kind of difficulty you are experiencing and unless you do talk now and frequently whenever the need arises, you will continue to have clashes.

ZennMomma
by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 5:26 AM

Sounds like he may be having a hard time adjusting to living together, and a baby on the way.

ask him if that's it. Ask if he was getting a lot of "me time" before. He can love you, kiddo and baby, but people get weird when they are making big changes. Let him know you love him and just need him around more right now. But don't demand or tell him to give up his needs completely. Compromise. In the mean time do things for yourself, with your son, baby things, hobbies :)

IMO it's not a problem if he will talk with you about it honestly, but if he refuses to talk and it becomes more frequent...then I'd worry.

taraadele18
by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 8:28 AM
1 mom liked this
He actually just called this morning and said that he needs to quit being so random about the bar, and only got once a week, and hve it planned. Not just spur of the moment. He wants to spend his time more positive, so we'll probably get him a gym membership.
I also need to find a hobby or something. I need to be able to occupy myself without him!


Quoting twinpicks:

Why don't you come to an agreement for him to go out once or twice a week maximum in accordance with the days that suit your childrens(your own needs) the rest of the week he comes home like you expect. If needs be let him choose the two nights he wants to go out that way he feels in charge...


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taraadele18
by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 8:29 AM
We actually communicate pretty well, until I tell him he can't do something. Guess it's a man thing, cause he'll get mad at that and do what he wants when I say "no." We talked this morning and hopefully things look up.

Quoting GaleJ:

This isn't about being wrong...or right, for that matter. Please take a step back and realize that you and your fiance need to start talking immediately and it sounds like there is a great deal for you to talk about. I really believe that couples must talk through how they are going to handle every aspect of their lives including how time is going to be spent in terms of personal time, family time and balancing the two. To not do so is to invite the kind of difficulty you are experiencing and unless you do talk now and frequently whenever the need arises, you will continue to have clashes.

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taraadele18
by on Mar. 2, 2013 at 8:32 AM
Compromise. Definitely. I'll talk to him more about all this later. We're use to being together all the time, but now that we're living together he wants a lil "me time". Which I understand. Guess I'm just not use to that yet... I don't have anything I want to do.. I just want my "me time" with him. Gotta quit that.

Quoting ZennMomma:

Sounds like he may be having a hard time adjusting to living together, and a baby on the way.

ask him if that's it. Ask if he was getting a lot of "me time" before. He can love you, kiddo and baby, but people get weird when they are making big changes. Let him know you love him and just need him around more right now. But don't demand or tell him to give up his needs completely. Compromise. In the mean time do things for yourself, with your son, baby things, hobbies :)

IMO it's not a problem if he will talk with you about it honestly, but if he refuses to talk and it becomes more frequent...then I'd worry.

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