Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

I'm getting fed up!

Posted by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 2:02 PM
  • 18 Replies
I need some advice ladies! Ok so the past like 2 weeks my husband has had friends over and they stay in the garage and play pool I stay in watching the baby until she falls asleep then I sneak out and play a game until she wakes up. Now he's been leaving and going out with them to their house as well. I tell him he can go becaus I trust him and know guy time is important, but to remember this when I ask for girl time. I really don't care but it's not fair to me or Aubri( the baby) that I'm the only one that acts like a parent to her!

So last night Aubri was a bit difficult and ended up sleeping in our bed and I didn't hardly have any room so I barely slept, this morning when she woke up I asked him to help and get up with her since he never wakes up before 11 and I didn't sleep last night. He refused and I ended up getting up I fed her then noticed she had popped while eating so j change her then she threw up everything he ate all on my side of the bed! So I clean her off and put her in her chair to watch tv while I clean my bed. She fell asleep so I covered her up and climbed back in bed. I couldn't go back to sleep to save my life because my stomach killed and so I went downstairs and threw up, everyone has been sick lately including the baby! And then come back upstairs and lay down, he's still sleeping and I'm still wide awake! Then Aubri wakes up ready to eat again but she won't eat and so I just take her downstairs and have a cup of coffee. Then I come to get her bath stuff and he finally notices I'm up, and asks what I'm doing, I tell him getting in the shower with the baby and he goes back to sleep, now idk if you know how hard it is to give a 6 month old a shower by yourself but it's not easy so him not helping only made me madder! Then when I get back in he gets a calm from his friend asking if he wants to hang out, he promised me last night that he was going to spend the whole day with me and the baby and the night so no one was coming over or anything! He says he'd call him back after he asks me. So pissed as I am I tell him to go and he's like well if you're going to make this a miserable day I'm not sitting in the house with you so again I tell him then go he says he's not giving into me and calls his friend to come get him he takes a shower then comes back in the room and says when you feel like being nice call me and I laughed! I was nice all those times he was out with his friends and I was in my room with a sick baby! So he left and I'm just so at a loss of how I should deal with this.

Am I over reacting? What would you do? I need some help girls! Ill take whatever you have to say even if its that I'm acting crazy! So hit me! What should I do???
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 2:02 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
thenameshailie
by Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 2:15 PM

I think you have a right to be irritated with him, but it sounds like you should communicate your frustrations to him more and before it gets to the point where you're totally pissed off

connie45
by Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 2:16 PM
1 mom liked this

He's an ass. Not "overwhemled" by the baby.  Just  an inconsiderate ass.   You live one way before you have kids - and a different way when you do.  

You didn't help the situation by essentially giving a begruding nudge for his escape.  You seem to concerned with how he perceives you - you don't  want to be the nagging wife.    What you should have told him is " I want you to honor the promise you made me.", "This is what I need from you.."   Thats it.  Don't engage, discuss, fight or  change your mind.   Empower youself.  

You basically just doormatted yourself.  Don't call him.  Don't apologize. You are the one dealing with a sick baby at home.  Numbnuts is out having fun probably bitching anout you to his friends.

If you don't have a job or your own money -  please do so.  Soon.

Dilara
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 2:18 PM
It'd be easier to communicate if he wasn't sleeping all the time!


Quoting thenameshailie:

I think you have a right to be irritated with him, but it sounds like you should communicate your frustrations to him more and before it gets to the point where you're totally pissed off


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
LADYxGHOST
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 2:19 PM

I wouldn't call. I would go over what I want to discuss with him and what my expectations are regarding parenting and what he need to do more of and less of.  He is wrong. But he isn't being a total ass, just real darn close so give him a chance to change. It sounds more like he has no clue he has responsibilies too.

My ex thought i was supposed to work, take care of baby, cook and clean andall he had to to do was go to work.  It took several conversations and finally a marriage councelor to sit down with us and address our expectations and then address if they where resonable.  Was it reasonable? If the expactations where reveresed would he like me expecting him to work, cook, clean and take care of baby all by himself? He said it wasn't that hard, I was just making abig deal out of it so we tried it, 1 week he was to do what I do and I was to do what he did. He didn't last 2 days.  After that it was a 50/50 split.  He was being an ass about it but out of ignorance not meanness.

Dilara
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 2:20 PM
You know I agree with you on a lot there! And I had no intentions of calling him! When he wants to act like a grown married man with a baby he can call me


Quoting connie45:

He's an ass. Not "overwhemled" by the baby.  Just  an inconsiderate ass.   You live one way before you have kids - and a different way when you do.  


You didn't help the situation by essentially giving a begruding nudge for his escape.  You seem to concerned with how he perceives you - you don't  want to be the nagging wife.    What you should have told him is " I want you to honor the promise you made me.", "This is what I need from you.."   Thats it.  Don't engage, discuss, fight or  change your mind.   Empower youself.  


You basically just doormatted yourself.  Don't call him.  Don't apologize. You are the one dealing with a sick baby at home.  Numbnuts is out having fun probably bitching anout you to his friends.


If you don't have a job or your own money -  please do so.  Soon.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Dilara
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 2:22 PM
On believe me he knows he has responsibilities! He even said if I wasn't here he would have gotten up but I'm here! It's pure laziness and inconsiderate behavior!


Quoting LADYxGHOST:

I wouldn't call. I would go over what I want to discuss with him and what my expectations are regarding parenting and what he need to do more of and less of.  He is wrong. But he isn't being a total ass, just real darn close so give him a chance to change. It sounds more like he has no clue he has responsibilies too.


My ex thought i was supposed to work, take care of baby, cook and clean andall he had to to do was go to work.  It took several conversations and finally a marriage councelor to sit down with us and address our expectations and then address if they where resonable.  Was it reasonable? If the expactations where reveresed would he like me expecting him to work, cook, clean and take care of baby all by himself? He said it wasn't that hard, I was just making abig deal out of it so we tried it, 1 week he was to do what I do and I was to do what he did. He didn't last 2 days.  After that it was a 50/50 split.  He was being an ass about it but out of ignorance not meanness.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Gmgej
by Michele on Mar. 6, 2013 at 4:46 PM

Doesn't he work? Sounds extremely young to me and not ready to grow up.

xoxRachelxox
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 4:51 PM

He should have helped you out with the baby, especially since you were sick yourself. 

If you don't want him going out, don't tell him to go and expect him to stay. Tell him you don't want him to go and he needs to help with the baby. 

Mom2wife1
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 5:02 PM

Maybe you should tell him and his friends that he is parent now and he needs to be taking care of the baby. Tell them hanging out every night isn't working. Sounds like you are being very nice and giving him the guy time he needs but what about the family time you need. 

furbabymum
by Gold Member on Mar. 6, 2013 at 5:19 PM
1 mom liked this

 I would not have this problem because I am a shrew.

My DH can and has slept through earthquakes. Want to know what gets him out of bed with our DS? My hands, on this back, shoving him. :) We each get one weekend morning to sleep in. We rotate who gets what weekend morning though. Anyway, when it's his turn unless he's ill he's getting up.

Your DH is treating you how he is because you let him. Why would he step up to the plate if you're not going to make him?

Sit down and make a schedule. I know our life is scheduled over here. When DS was younger the nights we had to get up with him were scheduled. Now that he's older electronics free family time is scheduled. Weekends are scheduled. Meals are scheduled. Money is scheduled. We rarely fight because what would we fight about? We both know what is going on.

Anyway agree with everything Connie45 said!

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)