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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

husband and i growing apart...help

Posted by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:57 PM
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so my husband and i have been together alomost 8 yrs and married almost 4 yrs.  we had out 1st baby girl 9 weeks ago.  i am stressed out and becoming resentful with him b/c he rarely ever helps me with the baby with out being asked.  i love my baby more than anything but life was sooo different before baby.  ( i wouldnt change anything now) my husband treated me like a person and now i feel like he treats me like i am just there to clean up after him, make him dinner, and take care of our baby.  he complains that we are never intimate anymore but i am just not there with him right now.  but its not like he is trying anyway.  i feel like i am his mother asking him if he took a shower or brushed his teeth for the day.  that never happened before.  maybe i am asking him to much but i am tired of doing everything in the house.  we argue all the time.  what do i do?

 

by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
pmsforlife
by Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 10:04 PM
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Tell him how u feel. Dude you just had a baby and he needs to man up and support you in every way he can. Just my opinion...
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ekh2010
by Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 10:10 PM
Id stop doing those things. Theyre his teeth let the damn things fall out. Let him know you are feeling frazzled and need help w o having to beg for it. Id tell him that i miss being intimate but i feel overwhelmed and taken for granted. Try to step out for a minute and think how you wld help a friend in the same situation
Congrats on the baby
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bumNmoos_mom
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 10:21 PM
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Just stop going out of your way and doing all that for him,, I'm sorry but you should not have to remind a grown man to brush his teeth or shower.. Maybe he wants to be the baby,  who knows. YOur priority is the baby and not him. 

aponzi27
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 10:32 PM

yea its really kinda ridiculous.  it seems like ever since the baby came he started acting like this.  never before.  everything was split pretty even.  i go back to work in a few wks and this def has to get cleared up.  i am gonna try to talk to him about this tomorrow.  in-laws r watching baby so maybe we can actually talk w/no interuptions.  fingers crossed.

la_bella_vita
by Bella on Mar. 7, 2013 at 10:52 PM

 Tell him how you feel and stop doing those things. Good luck.

furbabymum
by Gold Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 11:20 PM
3 moms liked this

Well you just had a baby so of course life sucks. lol

When you ask he helps right? That's a GOOD thing!!!!!

Otherwise just relax. You'll settle down after this huge change and find ways to connect again, say over your adorable dd's first food and word.

2lilmamas
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 4:50 AM
Let him know as of now how you feel. He needs to help if you dont put your foot he will continue with comfortable routine that he is in..
KellyNips
by Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 7:37 AM
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you are still recovering from having a baby -- he needs to understand the stress and toll that having a baby has taken on you mentally and physically.  i would try to sit down with him and explain to him why you feel the way you do and tell him that it would help you a great deal if he could step it up a bit and help out more.  he sounds like he wasn't ready to have a baby and now that it's here, he is trying to pretend like it's not.  he is a father now and wll always be a father.  but he was your husband first and he needs to realize this. 

Megan11587
by Megan on Mar. 8, 2013 at 7:40 AM
Guys can be so clueless. Your body is still recovering and im sure you arent sleeping well if at all. It will get better. Until then, tell him to get a grip and man up. His help can speed the process
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Roo1234
by Bronze Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 3:23 PM
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This is actually pretty common.  

Can I ask...when you ask your husband to help with the baby, do you tell him how to do it, or so you just let him find his own way without judgement?

Stop mothering him.  Start treating him like an adult.  

A lot of new dads feel pushed aside and abandoned because the mother becomes so focused on the baby.  Yes, babies are a lot of work and require a lot of attention and energy.  Make an effort to show him you love and appreciate him, even if you make a big deal about seomthing seemingly inconsiquential.  Find ways to make him parent without you being there looking over his shoulder.  The sooner you allow him his opportunities to bond with your daughter in his own way.  Once he is engaged and feels apart of everything he will want to be more involved and helpful


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