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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

husband and i growing apart...help

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so my husband and i have been together alomost 8 yrs and married almost 4 yrs.  we had out 1st baby girl 9 weeks ago.  i am stressed out and becoming resentful with him b/c he rarely ever helps me with the baby with out being asked.  i love my baby more than anything but life was sooo different before baby.  ( i wouldnt change anything now) my husband treated me like a person and now i feel like he treats me like i am just there to clean up after him, make him dinner, and take care of our baby.  he complains that we are never intimate anymore but i am just not there with him right now.  but its not like he is trying anyway.  i feel like i am his mother asking him if he took a shower or brushed his teeth for the day.  that never happened before.  maybe i am asking him to much but i am tired of doing everything in the house.  we argue all the time.  what do i do?

 

by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:57 PM
Replies (21-29):
thatislife
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 2:09 PM

Okay, I hope I don't get too flamed for this but if you are not being intimate with him it may well be contributing to him seeing you as a 'mom' instead of his lover and wife.  Show him that you are still that too and you may see more of the husband and less of the child in him coming out too.  I can totally understand you wanting him to step up to the plate on helping but this is the total wrong time to be shutting him out from intimacy too.

NDADanceMom
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 4:07 PM

Men who help around the house get more sex.  Its true.  

Tell him being a mom 24/7 doesnt make you feel sexy.  Not only do you mother the baby but you mother him.  He needs to be a man in order to get laid like a man. 

VanillaBlondie8
by Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 5:13 PM

Omg we are going through the same exact thing!!! ((HUGS MOMMA)) =(

finlyhappy65
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 5:21 PM

Babies, while wonderful, are challenging and change the dynamics.  Try talking to him and give yourself and him some adjustment time.  

Serenity7
by Platinum Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 9:26 PM

 ((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))

AussieReg
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 12:53 AM

Sometimes husbands are jealous of the baby, I don't know why but it happens and it is hard to fix when babies are so lilttle. Do some research online and see of there is any useful tips for this situation

Diamondblue1
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 5:06 AM

i hope things get better for you try to talk and work things out.

rayroe2
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 5:29 AM
I just had a baby. What works for us is I do everything with new baby and he helps out with are 1st dd. When it was just one baby. He would help for an hour a day unless I knew he was dog tired or just needed alone time to rest, then that's when I would get my in laws to help even tho with my 1st they drove me crazy. I needed the help. My dh will also pick up his area in the living room and keep his clothes off the floor and drys them after I wash them. That works for us. Now its not like this all the time because life gets crazy ever now again like everyone else said talk it out.
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thatislife
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 3:14 PM

Well, being a new parent completely has changed your husband's life too, the only difference is that new Mom's seem to get lots of sympathy for all the new changes while the Dad's don't really have any support for what they are going through.  It is always best to think of how you can change yourself instead of trying to force someone else to change (not that you can't talk openly about this with him you should).  Think of it from his standpoint.  You are now hanging around telling him to shower and brush his teeth and I'm sure he is thinking I handled all this just fine before quit nagging.  He may feel very insecure about WHAT to do with a new baby, Moms are insitictive and read a zillion books but Dad's truly feel like a fish out of water.  On top of that he is not getting any intimacy and may be feeling like he never will again, that you are only a 'mom' now and no longer a lover.  This is a crucial part in a marriage and where a lot of them fall apart.  In reality it is usually both the parties that need to readjust how they are doing things and make changes, not just the guy.

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