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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

A rant from a wife whose husband pays another woman child support!

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To those of us who have husbands who pay child support to other women, we know how much it sucks to be on the other side... Especially when He is paying $700 a month like my husband is!!! We have 3 children ourselves, and sometimes I just want to call his Ex up and vent!!! We barely have money to make ends meet, So anything like going out to eat, or zoo, and park trips are extremely rare! I believe he should have to help support his 2 children, but I honestly do not believe it costs $700 a month to do it!!! Especially when those kids live over 2000 miles away and call another man DAD! I have his Ex on my Face book (that's the only way we know whats going on with the kids), and recently she had won movie tickets, and they were trying to decide on what movie to see. She then informed everyone on Face book that if it were not for the free passes she would not be able to afford a family trip to the movies. I don't understand why she wouldn't be able to afford it!!! Just like a week ago she was IMing me on Face book and said the girls lost the charger for their Internet, and she did not have money to replace it, so I replied back "why don't you use the child support when it comes in in a couple days?". I'm always seeing pictures of a new horse, or improvements they have made around the house... We sent the girls Old Navy clothes for Christmas, and they both personally In-boxed me saying how much they love the clothes, that they never get clothes unless it comes from Walmart, or a thrift store! For those of you that shop at both Old Navy and Walmart, you know that there really is not that much of a price difference between the two places, especially if there is a sale! I could keep ranting, but there really is no use... I believe if you are receiving child support, it should be used on your kids! Even if it's out to the movies, or buying the power stip for a computer, or getting them a $10 Old Navy jacket! I just thought I would VENT to yall out there! You guys are great, Thanks! 

P.s.  Anyone elese in the same predicament too?

Apparently my post is really ticking people off.... So before you comment somthing negitive, Just know that YES, I knew he has kids when I married him, child support was not this high then, it just recently went up... I believe he DOES NEED TO PAY this support!!!! This post is just a vent!!! AND DONT COMMENT THAT WE SHOULD NOT HAVE HAD CHILDREN OF OUR OWN!!! THATS A LOW BLOW!!! My children are just as special to me, as anyone feels about thier children! I was more upset about our child support money going to horses and floor patterns more than anything!!! Not to mention she is financing a trip to Indianna with the KIDS money... Like I said before I was VENTING!!! 

by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 3:11 PM
Replies (41-50):
adiggs87
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 7:42 PM

Im extremely happy with my husband wether he pays child support or not... and maybe i do sound pathetic, but you have most likely never been in a situation like this before... and I hope you never have to be... I took a vow infront of God, and I meant them... Now please if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say it... You know this site has rules, please abide by them... Thankyou and have a nice day!

Quoting opinionated07:

Get a divorce then. You knew that when u met him and those kids are his responsibility until they're adults u sound pathetic.


jmjdj
by Bronze Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 8:17 PM
I'm sorry your ex doesn't pay any cs. That really sucks. I also don't get any govt assistance...that's why I work two jobs. Good luck to you!


Quoting staceyp6180:

I totall agree and know its much more than $700 to care for a child. My sons father has been ordered to pay $25 per month, that was 5 years ago and I have yet to receive a dime. I am doing it alone with no govt assistance (I'm not judging those that do get it). I'm just at a loss here. I have asked my sons father to help with school clothes one year and he told me I had nerve to ask since I was the one that left him. This was the first year after we split, I haven't asked for anything since.




Quoting jmjdj:

I get what you're saying and I agree that the ncp shouldn't have to pay it all....but they are supposed to pay half of the cost of raising the child(ren). Most of the time the amount of cs is nowhere near half of what it actually costs. I only get 184.00 every two weeks for 2 boys that are 15 and 13! That doesn't even begin to cover his "half". In fact, I make more than that every two weeks at the part time job I had to get when we split.





I have to provide a house, electricity, water, gas, food, clothing, and pay for all their extra curricular activities. Granted, I live here too, bit if I were to add up all the bills and divide them by 3, the part of my kids would be way more. My youngest recently had to be signed up for baseball and he happened to be with his dad when the signups were happening. He called me to make sure I was coming because his dad didn't want to pay the 65 bucks. There went almost one week of his cs!!





We do not live extravagantly by any means. In fact we still live in the house he moved out of....so he knows exactly what the bills are. He still bitches about having to pay cs and thinks it's too much. Not to mention that he doesn't have to pay for half of their health insurance and just refuses to pay his half of the out of pocket medical expenses. My oldest broke his hand while he was with his dad. Dad wouldn't even take him o the doctor and told me hos hand was fine. When I got him back on Monday it was still swollen and hurting him terribly. I took him to the doctor and sure enough...broken. 4 days my son had a broken hand and no treatment because my ex didn't want to have to pay for it. He can always find the money to blow when he has the kids but couldn't pay a 30 dollar co pay? He also thinks I should pay him half of whatever he chooses to buy them when he has them!! Needless to say, I don't!





Sorry to get on my soap box, but this is a touchy subject because I'm constantly hearing, "that's what I pay cs for!" Really???? Because you don't have to pay squat! I'd love to get 700 per month. That would at least be closer to half.






Quoting staceyp6180:

I believe every non custodial parent should pay child support, however shouldn't the childs expenses still be split in half. Should the custodial parent pay half too, not just the child support coming in. Say $700 comes in from cs. That shouldn't be expected to pay for everything the child needs. The parent that has the child should also then be expected to kick in $700....does this make sense?



Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
thatislife
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 8:57 PM
1 mom liked this

 If you had more kids with no more than a $340 margin per month in your life you kind of signed up for a tight life financially, really.  Your kids are adorable, don't get me wrong but just saying bm is not doing this to you, she is doing it for her kids.  Have you considered babysitting a couple of kids, ebaying, or doing something else from home to help increase your family's income? 

 I also don't think there is anything wrong with walmart clothes.  We both work and make over 6 figures and I have no shame in picking up things at rummage sales for the kids or goodwill-I have gotten brand new looking levi's for $4, brand new tennis shoes in the box for $2 and just a number of things that I have gotten compliments on for myself and my kids that I bought literally for pennies on the dollar.  If things are tight rather then taking pride at sending the girls old navy or whatever clothes really make your own dollars stretch.  It is fun to economize and see how little you can pay for things that really don't matter anyways (a night at home with a video and homemade popcorn all snuggled together as a family can be more fun then a theatre movie!, a homeade picnic at the local park is so much more fun then eating in a germy old restaurant)


Quoting adiggs87:

No, I do not work... All 3 of our children are under school age, and it would cost more paying for daycare then i could make working.... When we first started paying it was $360, it just went up in the last few months, and we are really feeling it.... Seems my rant pissed alot of people off huh! But I understand what your saying...

Quoting thatislife:

I don't always like the over $1000 that goes out of my house in cs either but I knew well when I got married there were other kids and if we had them we would pay close to this between daycare and all their other needs so I just don't even consider that money his/ours.  Are you working?  In our family this has meant that both parents have to work to cover the needs of the family.  It can be too much if just one income is being stretched to cover two households.



 

MagicTemptation
by Christina on Mar. 10, 2013 at 9:48 PM

You kind of opened yourself up for all the negative comments with your negative post bashing your husbands exwife... It doesn't matter what you personally think is the right amount for him to pay, that decision is up to the judge. And the exwife having a new husband has no merit to the amount the kids' father is responsible to pay. That is like saying he should have to pay less because he decides to continue to have children. 

If your husband thinks she is neglecting the children's care or if the amount of money he has to pay is a financial hardship he should request a review.



Quoting adiggs87:

Im extremely happy with my husband wether he pays child support or not... and maybe i do sound pathetic, but you have most likely never been in a situation like this before... and I hope you never have to be... I took a vow infront of God, and I meant them... Now please if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say it... You know this site has rules, please abide by them... Thankyou and have a nice day!

Quoting opinionated07:

Get a divorce then. You knew that when u met him and those kids are his responsibility until they're adults u sound pathetic.



MomRocs1102
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 9:55 PM


Quoting momof3inTN:

$700 a month doesn't go far when you are talking about feeding, clothing, housing, schooling, bathing, keeping the lights on, and everything else that goes into paying for all the things that 2 kids need.


Join Adorable Ladies Group, where women can have free uncensored conversations, and discussions minus the bashing and drama. 


www.cafemom.com/group/118542




2lilmamas
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 10:52 PM
1 mom liked this
I actually feel for you. I do believe if he is paying child support it should be for the kids. Other luxuries like repairs for house trips should conebof her own pocket. I side with you on this. Its not fair to your kids either.
HisUsmcWifey
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 10:57 PM

Considering that home repairs and the such are PART of raising her kids right it's not a big deal. If you think your ex pays a lot then you have a lot to learn. He is a father and has to pay for his kids and you knew that from day one. Stop stalking his ex and trying to dig up dirt on her. If she wants to spend the money on her kids or other things it's NOT your problem.

babydsmommy18
by Bronze Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 10:59 PM
I agree with you.
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opinionated07
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 11:06 PM
Yea I have been in that situation but it was far more than $700. I knew it from the start and I know how expensive kids so I wasn't gonna hate on the ex and say she was not spending it correctly lol that wasn't my place as it isn't urs either in this situation. And I'm not breaking any rules I'm stating my opinion and it hasn't changed.


Quoting adiggs87:

Im extremely happy with my husband wether he pays child support or not... and maybe i do sound pathetic, but you have most likely never been in a situation like this before... and I hope you never have to be... I took a vow infront of God, and I meant them... Now please if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say it... You know this site has rules, please abide by them... Thankyou and have a nice day!

Quoting opinionated07:

Get a divorce then. You knew that when u met him and those kids are his responsibility until they're adults u sound pathetic.



Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
momalee40
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 11:09 PM
I understand where you are coming from. My.dh ex doesnt work, gets food stamps, her parents pay her rent and utilities and dh pays her 300 per mo for 1 child. He doesnt complain but she is constantly asking for extra or help paying something etc... She asked him for CS early last week so she could pay her rent. Dh told her no because he knows from her parents that she doesnt pay it herself .
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