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"Pretend abuse" UPDATE!!

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The title says it all I guess, this morning my husband and I had a huge fight this morning. It ended with him almost throwing a 13 oz can of formula at me. Something stopped him, maybe it was me jumping back or the look of fear on my face. He says he was jus pretending and it was to get me to shut up or to put me in my place. I ran off crying and he came to further tell me it was m fault because I was telling him he needed to get up and get ready or work. He only had 15 mins before he had to meet his work friends. Now what?? I'm so confused.


Sorry it has taken so long to update you all about the situation. All of you have been very supportive. He has been very nice & supportive since the incident however that could be the honeymoon phase. Since it happened he has relived a lot of his past growing up, I think he was abused. I had always thought that but he never told me. His sisters are cruel and his family "jokes" about things they shouldn't. How he grew up is no excuse for bad behavior. We all choose the way we are going to live. I'm trying to support him the best way I can, along with helping myself. I still don't trust him & it's going to take a while. He knows if it doesn't stop I'm going to pack up the children & leave. He called to talk to his mom about his actions, about how he thought growing up like he did affected him. She ended up telling him it was my fault because if I would have been opening the can then he wouldn't have done it, she told him he does to much for me & the girls (he really only helps a little), she told him he hadn't been his self in years because of me ( it couldn't be their fault for treating me and the girls bad), she went over the deep end about religious things, they ended up talking about our sex life or lack there of, it was a long list of things. He ended up saying mean things later that night about all of this. I told him there is NO excuse for abusive behavior and I wasn't going to stand by and let him think there is because of what his mother said. It's all a headache. 

by on Mar. 13, 2013 at 10:00 AM
Replies (41-47):
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 5:33 AM
Quoting iluvmy3babies2:

When it comes to abuse, REASONS ARE NOT EXUSES!!! Abuse is not only physical. Emotional abuse can be just as hurtful and is not allowed. 

by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 4:58 PM

The fact that he blamed you is a warning sign. I would be very aware and careful from now on, if I were you.

by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 5:03 PM

Believe me, I am being careful. He has been open & honest since it happened. 

Quoting BethanyCO6777:

The fact that he blamed you is a warning sign. I would be very aware and careful from now on, if I were you.

by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 8:51 PM

I know what your going through. I have been with my husband for 7 years and we have 2 kids. It started out as little things here and there and over the years it seems to have become a every day battle. From trying to get him off to work in the morning, to clothes being folded the wrong way. It's to the point I would rather him be at work than be home with us. I love him with everything in me, which is why I guess I'm still with him, I just don't know anymore. I hope you and yours can work through everything and it all come out okay.

by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 5:01 PM

Bump for the update

by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 9:27 PM

Thanks for the update.  With the family history thrown in I think counseling is a REALLY REALLY good idea.  I don't want to sound like a downer, but you two cannot handle this yourselves, there is too much stuff going on at every level.  A professional/licensed marriage or family counselor can help him sort through everything, and help the two of you move through this.  And he doesn't need to tell his mother anymore about your relationship- she is just fueling abusive thoughts and behavior.  What happens between you, stays between you unless you choose to share it with a counselor.  Keep us posted!

by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 10:44 AM


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