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Does anyone else feel like they married a man-child?

Posted by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 11:27 PM
  • 26 Replies

My husband is like a kid, I swear to God. It's not ALL bad, because it's part of the reason we are compatible... we enjoy a lot of the same things and laugh about a lot of the same things. But when it comes to responsibility, I feel like I have to shoulder all of it.

He put me in charge of our finances because he is a self-proclaimed impulse buyer and I am frugal and skimpy with money. But this doesn't stop him from spending too much money on shit we can't afford or don't need. One example: he thinks he's fat, and so instead of exercising more or watching what he eats, he's blowing money on "weight loss" supplements and belly bands... and hiding them from me. I hate that he is uncomfortable and self-conscious because I think he's beautiful. But that's not an excuse to spend money on shit that doesn't work when we need it for diapers and formula for our children.

Another example: He keeps buying new video games when he has said a hundred times that he never plays any of the ones he already has.

I want him to have everything he wants, and if I could give it to him, I would. But I should not be the only one in this family who thinks about the family over myself. I am incapable of buying anything for myself, because I'm constantly asking myself "how will this benefit us as a family?" We are in a really bad financial situation. If we can't afford to have any more kids, then we certainly can't afford for my husband to act like one.

Have any of you dealt with this??? I don't know what to do, because I've talked to him about it before and it still continues. He even still has his old checking account from before we got married and keeps "forgetting" to close it. I'm afraid this is going to strain our marriage if I have to keep being the only goddamn adult.

by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 11:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MagicTemptation
by Christina on Mar. 18, 2013 at 1:10 AM
1 mom liked this

If you are in charge of the finances then how is he buying all this stuff? We do the envelope system. Each pay period, we put all the money in envelopes. Each envelope is labeled for each bill we have, plus a savings envelope, and an allowance envelope. When that particular envelope is empty, that is it. All the bills get taken care of first, then the entertainment/allowance one gets done last. 

shadow_lark
by Silver Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 1:17 AM
3 moms liked this
I had him save every receipt and at the end of the month added up all of our expenses. When he realized how much he was spending he really cut back on the unnecessary crap. Idk if it would work for you, but I have also started having him take his budgeted amount out in cash (minus things that he has to use the card for). He hasn't been over budget once using a cash system, when he would be over budget in days using just the card.
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Zazayam
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 1:29 AM

Oh no, no such feelings here... I know very well I married a man child.

It's ok, he knows it to. If I ask him something I generally get the answer "I don't know, you're the adult around here" lol

I don't let him spend money we can't comfortably spend. When he wants a new game and we don't have the extra cash at the moment, he trades in a couple old ones that haven't been touched in who knows how long.

It doesn't cause any problems for us though, I was a single mom before I met him so I was really used to just being in charge of everything. I think it would have been harder for me to let him take anything over, honestly.

Zazayam
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 1:31 AM

I agree with this, for a lot of people cash is WAY easier to keep an eye on. I spend too much when all you have to do is swipe a card, so I use cash.

Quoting shadow_lark:

I had him save every receipt and at the end of the month added up all of our expenses. When he realized how much he was spending he really cut back on the unnecessary crap. Idk if it would work for you, but I have also started having him take his budgeted amount out in cash (minus things that he has to use the card for). He hasn't been over budget once using a cash system, when he would be over budget in days using just the card.


MamaMerkle126
by Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 1:37 AM

Yeah... I think that's part of the problem. We don't deal in cash, we use debit cards. Maybe we need to stow away the debit cards. We do have a few envelopes in a safe, one for emergency savings and one for a trip we plan to take together in the near future. We also have two separate checking accounts, one for bills and one for baby expenses, and a savings account. I was actually just thinking of suggesting to him that he lock up his debit card and only carry a certain amount of cash each week.

I guess what I mostly meant when I said "in charge of finances" is that I am responsible for managing bill payments and bank accounts. He still has access to everything.


Quoting MagicTemptation:

If you are in charge of the finances then how is he buying all this stuff? We do the envelope system. Each pay period, we put all the money in envelopes. Each envelope is labeled for each bill we have, plus a savings envelope, and an allowance envelope. When that particular envelope is empty, that is it. All the bills get taken care of first, then the entertainment/allowance one gets done last. 



MamaMerkle126
by Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 1:41 AM

I like the video game idea. I don't have a problem with him playing video games at all. I'm a gamer myself. But it's spending 60 bucks a pop on 360 games and 30 on DS games that's a problem... lol. And what really pisses me off is not as much that he was buying them (though still pissed), but that he was using the other bank account and debit card to do it. The one I have no access to. It feels deceitful.

I think I'm like you, and would have trouble letting go of too much responsibility. After all, I am an obvious OCD control freak. But I'm not his mother, nor do I want to be. I want a partner, a best friend and a lover. Not another son.


Quoting Zazayam:

Oh no, no such feelings here... I know very well I married a man child.

It's ok, he knows it to. If I ask him something I generally get the answer "I don't know, you're the adult around here" lol

I don't let him spend money we can't comfortably spend. When he wants a new game and we don't have the extra cash at the moment, he trades in a couple old ones that haven't been touched in who knows how long.

It doesn't cause any problems for us though, I was a single mom before I met him so I was really used to just being in charge of everything. I think it would have been harder for me to let him take anything over, honestly.



Zazayam
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 2:25 AM

Yeah I know what you mean on the games, I also play. But I do the budgets and sometimes those games are crazy expensive and just don't always fit into our spending limit. We love play-n-trade around here. (It also helps me feel like it's easier to keep organized when you don't have 600 games laying around collecting dust, lol)

I don't think I would be ok with mine having his "own" bank account. I sure as hell don't have MY own.

I can see how frustrating that would get, I don't ever really have to put my foot down with mine. I don't mind my man-child at all but I really wouldn't have any interest in having to actually mother him. You're right you should be able to have an equal partnership. It sounds like money is the biggest problem, I would give that cash idea some serious thought and personally, I'd drive him to the bank myself if I have to to get him to close that other account. I get that a lot of couples have separate accounts and all, but if you're not good with money or your family is living on a budget, that's just added and unnecessary stress.

Quoting MamaMerkle126:

I like the video game idea. I don't have a problem with him playing video games at all. I'm a gamer myself. But it's spending 60 bucks a pop on 360 games and 30 on DS games that's a problem... lol. And what really pisses me off is not as much that he was buying them (though still pissed), but that he was using the other bank account and debit card to do it. The one I have no access to. It feels deceitful.

I think I'm like you, and would have trouble letting go of too much responsibility. After all, I am an obvious OCD control freak. But I'm not his mother, nor do I want to be. I want a partner, a best friend and a lover. Not another son.


Quoting Zazayam:

Oh no, no such feelings here... I know very well I married a man child.

It's ok, he knows it to. If I ask him something I generally get the answer "I don't know, you're the adult around here" lol

I don't let him spend money we can't comfortably spend. When he wants a new game and we don't have the extra cash at the moment, he trades in a couple old ones that haven't been touched in who knows how long.

It doesn't cause any problems for us though, I was a single mom before I met him so I was really used to just being in charge of everything. I think it would have been harder for me to let him take anything over, honestly.




opal10161973
by Bronze Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 2:31 AM

We had to have a finances meeting.  He now has an amount from each paycheck that he gets to use for his splurges and that is it.  Once it is gone, it is gone.  I take all the rest and pay bills and keep whatever is left in savings.  This is the very reason we still have two seperate accounts. 

MrsLondon
by Bronze Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 12:26 PM

My husband is great with money so we don't ever have any money problems. It's his spoiling of our daughter that's the problem lol

AleaKat
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 12:27 PM
He is totally responsible, always thinking 5-10 years ahead.
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