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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

how much to tell him? - Update

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Ok...so my SO and I have been together almost two years. Let me start out by saying that we don't keep secrets from each other or anything like that and that's not what this is about.

Within the last two weeks, I found a lump in my breast. I'm not overly concerned about it because I know that it likely is nothing but I am going to get it checked out just to be safe. My question is when would you all tell your SO? If we were married I would've already told him but we aren't and I don't want him to worry about it. Would you go to the doctor and get answers first then tell him with certainty what it is/was our would you tell him before you go?

On one hand I want to tell him now just so he doesn't feel like I kept it from him. But on the other hand I'd rather wait until I can tell him it's nothing and that I just thought he should know. And on the off chance that it is something I would at least know enough to be able to give him good information.

Please no bashing...this isn't about us not being able to communicate, etc. We have no relationship problems or anything like that...just don't know what is the right thing on this one.

UPDATE:

I called my OB today and they actually got me in right away this morning.  Most likely it's nothing like I thought but they are ordering an ultrasound just to be on the safe side.

I did tell my SO this morning that I was going to the doctor and told him why when he asked.  He told me he hoped it was nothing like I said.  I explained that I wasn't telling my mom and he told me she would worry.  So I explained that that's why I hadn't told anyone.  He doesn't seem upset with me and is glad that it doesn't seem to be anything bad. 

Thanks for all the well wishes and advice!

by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 11:59 PM
Replies (21-30):
kayla912
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 9:15 AM
1 mom liked this
Tell him for no other reason than he deserves to know and if the shoe was on the other foot you would want to as well. Finally don't let him hear it from someone else.
jmjdj
by Bronze Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 9:19 AM

 Yeah...if this were the case I sure wouldn't tell him.  My SO needs his mind on his job when he's working so that's partly why I haven't told him...and since he's gone so much (for work) it's been hard to find the right time.  Even if he's home, it's usually only for 12 hours or so then he's back out.

God bless your family for serving!


Quoting Crazylife1994:

The only time I didn't tell my husband of a health issue was when he was deployed. I didn't want his mind on me when he was on the flight deck. Other than that I did tell him but that is just me.


 

justpeachy71904
by Silver Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 9:55 AM
I tell him EVERYTHING I would have told him and had him feel and give me hid opinion
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
mommieofII
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 9:58 AM

 Sounds like you need to take some time for yourself... I am a pretty strong person also but if I find a lump I would def be a little worried.... I see some replies on here that ay would you want to know if he had a health issue and that pretty much sumes it up.. Hope everything turns out good for you and hope the lump is nothing...


Quoting jmjdj:

 I don't know that I'm afraid to tell him....I guess I'm just accustomed to taking care of things by myself.  I haven't even told my mom or my best girl friend either.  My kid has had 19 surgeries and I've always just dealt with things as they come up (my ex was more of a baby than me) and I had to be the strong one.  And...I'm not very concerned about it myself so I wasn't thinking about how he would feel.  I'm sure to others it is a big deal, but to me it's just one more thing to deal with on already crazy schedule.  Seriously...my biggest concern since finding it has been "how am I going to fit a Dr. appointment in?" 

 

Quoting mommieofII:

I would have told him the moment I found it...He has a way of calming me down and making me feel like everything iwill be ok.... What are you afraid of? I see your point of not telling him so he doesnt worry but these are things couples should be together in... My BF would be VERY upset if I didnt tell him...

 

 


 

ShelbysHope76
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 10:01 AM

 Yes, I would tell him for sure. Have him feel it too, and see what he says. But yes, then go to Dr. and get the mammogram done. You need his support and he needs to know.

jmjdj
by Bronze Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 10:03 AM

Thank You!! 


Quoting mommieofII:

 Sounds like you need to take some time for yourself... I am a pretty strong person also but if I find a lump I would def be a little worried.... I see some replies on here that ay would you want to know if he had a health issue and that pretty much sumes it up.. Hope everything turns out good for you and hope the lump is nothing...

 

Quoting jmjdj:

 I don't know that I'm afraid to tell him....I guess I'm just accustomed to taking care of things by myself.  I haven't even told my mom or my best girl friend either.  My kid has had 19 surgeries and I've always just dealt with things as they come up (my ex was more of a baby than me) and I had to be the strong one.  And...I'm not very concerned about it myself so I wasn't thinking about how he would feel.  I'm sure to others it is a big deal, but to me it's just one more thing to deal with on already crazy schedule.  Seriously...my biggest concern since finding it has been "how am I going to fit a Dr. appointment in?" 

 

Quoting mommieofII:

I would have told him the moment I found it...He has a way of calming me down and making me feel like everything iwill be ok.... What are you afraid of? I see your point of not telling him so he doesnt worry but these are things couples should be together in... My BF would be VERY upset if I didnt tell him...

 

 

 

 


 

NikkiDoll
by Bronze Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 10:04 AM
I would have told him right away. I would need his support and he would want to know.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
furbabymum
by Gold Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 10:45 AM
1 mom liked this

 My DH would have felt up my boobs by now. lol I would have told him immediately after I felt it and he would have felt it and then we would have pondered it together.

SoKamele
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 10:48 AM

It would be better for you.....and your relationship if you went thru this together.

It may be nothing (I pray it is nothing).....but you under value him..if you leave him out.

JAMom07
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 1:06 PM

I would tell him- you would feel better about not keeping something from him- also if he knew he could possibly go with you for moral support when you find out yes/no

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