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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Would you be upset if your husband has a 20 year old girl as a best friend?

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I've had enough and I don't know what to do....My husband has this 20 year old female friend that he used to text back and forth 5000-6000 texts a month until I confronted him about and we fought for months over. She was a coworker, one of those drama queen people who always has problems and issues that she goes to him over which is fine until it disrupts our time together. When your watching tv together in the evening and all you see him do is pay attention to his phone. The moment I say something its an instant argument. So he tells me he don't text her amymore, then I find out he is using facebook chat to communicate. Then I see posts about him being her best friend and he will always be her shoulder to cry on etc. and he doesn't think I should be upset over it. He is 59 years old and doesn't think I should be upset over him wanting to be such good friends with someone that young and female. He thinks just because she has been over our house and I know her its ok. I thought when she got fired from their work I would finally be done with all this but because she is so drama filled it has gotten worse. Imagine he goes out to order a cake for her birthday decorated with what he knows she is into and buys a present, he has her come to our house to celebrate her 20th and Im thinking to myself, I haven't had a cake for my birthday in God knows when...nor a present, and he goes all out for her. Am I being unreasonable to tell him I can't take it anymore and Im done with this crap?? That what I told him last night after I seen his post to her on facebook and of course instant argument and he has not talked to me since yesterday....I need advise how can I stop this before it destroys our 15 year marriage??
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by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 4:36 PM
Replies (11-20):
heartnhidin
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 5:04 PM
1 mom liked this
Agreed!!! There are red flags all over the place. I would make him leave.

Quoting butterbabie:

He's attracted to her. He's probably in awe that such a young woman pays him so much attention. 500 texts, a birthday cake? He's wrong and that's unhealthy.
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Hectictracy
by Bronze Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 5:05 PM
I would be pissed!
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Mindfulmommaof2
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 5:21 PM
2 moms liked this

 nope, that is several different kinds of wrong

xoxRachelxox
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 5:22 PM
2 moms liked this

I would say, her or me. 

MrsLondon
by Bronze Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 5:28 PM
1 mom liked this
His bags would have been packed. No way in hell I would have condoned that mess.
boshs1andonly
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 5:29 PM
3 moms liked this

it's not heartless to tell your partner that he can't invest that kind of time and energy into something that's ultimately messing with your marriage. 5000 texts? wtf?  i text my sister multiple times a day, and i don't think we hit that. plus, i understand that he's her friend, and it's totally possible that's all this is, but it's still too much, and highly inappropriate for a married man. 

Quoting melinda27819:

Yessssss 5000+ texts and I found out by paying attention to the phone bill one day. We still have a healthy sex life, that has never been an issue. He tells me she looks up to him like a father (her father died suddenly when she was 18) My thing is Im a daddys girl and I don't text my dad like that. I understand he maybe just trying to be there for her when she feels she has noone, but at the expense of our marriage?? Im just soooo frustrated I don't know what to do. Im not heartless but Im not willing to put anyone before my husband like he is doing to me!! :(


butterbabie
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 5:30 PM
1 mom liked this
He should have let you read the texts instead of deleting them. You gave him a chance when he said he would stop, but he didnt stop. He has to make a choice. If you decide to let him go I guarantee that it wont take much time for either him to come to his senses OR she tires of him. Unless he becomes her sugar daddy
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ZsMommy
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 5:33 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh heck no-I wouldn't take that (and I've dealt with the clingy female coworker thing before)

 I'd flat out confront her. Piss on his cornflakes if you do...So what-You've invested 15 years into this  marriage-no way in hell you should let some 20 year old bimbette be the focus of your husband's attention!

lapcounter
by Gold Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 6:04 PM

Are they being inappropriate during the text or Facebook messages? 5,000 holy WOW!

3xangel
by Bronze Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 6:24 PM
This. Maybe you can try marriage counseling, but it's not going to stop unless he wants it to. I'm sorry, but this obsession with another woman would definitely be a deal breaker for me. He's dead wrong for investing in this female.

Quoting boshs1andonly:

The age isn't the issue but if be upset at him investing that kind of energy on anything that isn't work or family related. Honestly I'm not sure what you can do, if he doesn't see what he's doing as wrong, he's not likely to stop.
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