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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Do I have a right to be upset?

Posted by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 3:36 PM
  • 26 Replies

Okay so heres the back story - My husband has this friend of his. He claims she's his best friend. Okay, I had no problem with that, but he would text her 100+ times per day and always delete the convos so I couldn't read it. Obviously I got suspicious after that and from parts of the convos that I did manage to see they would exchange "I love yous"  he would tell her how amazing she is, and he would talk about how much he wants her to come visit. (She lives in another state.)

Around October or so I read their facebook messages. He confessed to being in love with her and said being with me was a mistake and he was only with me still because I was pregnant. She didn't return his feelings from what I read, but I was so hurt by what he said (our relationship was going perfectly aside from his talking to her) I was ready to leave him after reading that. He swore to me after I saw the conversation that he would stop talking to her and I agreed to stay and work things out with him.

Fast forward to February, he has had no contact with her as far as I know,  and our relationship has been perfect since they've stopped talking. I gave birth to our son around the end of February and found out that he had emailed her some pictures of our baby. Of course I was hurt by this and told him i can't be with him if he continues to contact her in any way, he says im being a bitch by giving him an ultimatum, but I really can't deal with this again. He says she is his best friend no matter how long they go without talking and im being a bitch for not understanding that. I've told him multiple times how i feel about them being 'friends' and that they can talk as long as he stops hiding the convos and stops with the "I loves yous'' and all the other unnecessary compliments. 

Am I being a total bitch for not wanting him to talk to her? Even after he promised me he'd stop doing so?

by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 3:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lapcounter
by Gold Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 3:39 PM
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He is having an emotional affair in my opinion. You have every right to ve upset. To me he is not serious about your marriage and has other motives if he is pissed at you. Good luck.
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USMCwife0530
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 3:41 PM
This exactly.


Quoting lapcounter:

He is having an emotional affair in my opinion. You have every right to ve upset. To me he is not serious about your marriage and has other motives if he is pissed at you. Good luck.

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KrazyLoveMommy
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 3:46 PM
Of course you do..
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Lucky1123
by Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 3:47 PM
1 mom liked this

Maybe I just don't get it.  But if he is in love with her, he is not capable of having a complete platonic friendship with her.  He may be able to "fake it" because she doesn't feel the same and won't allow anything happen between them.  But he will always be wanting and hoping and both parties will know that.  And that is not fair to you at all.

 

So, I obviously feel you have the right to be upset.  Sorry girl that you are going through this.

Heather.Rose
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 3:48 PM

This is cheating. Not physical but emotional. I would be gone. If he can't love and respect you enough to not contact her he is an ass.

Krysden
by Platinum Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 3:52 PM
1 mom liked this

No, you are NOT being a bitch for that.  He is the one that is wrong in this situation.  By his own admission he had fallen in love with her and by his own mouth he told you he would cease contact.   If there is any hope for your marriage they have to sever ALL ties, best friends or not.  Any chance you can talk to her about it?  If she doesn't return his feelings she might be able to do everything she can on her end to help.   I wish I had some wonderful advice for you.  

mommymeli123
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 3:57 PM
He said he would leave me if I ever contact her. (Yes I know, that's a huge red flag) from what I read she didn't return the same feelings, but she did text him saying I love you multiple times, and he deletes 95% of their convos so I don't have the full story.

He likes to compare the ssituation to me communicating with my ex. We're only in contact still because we have a daughter together. There are never any I love yous or anything inappropriate, just me trying to ve friendly since he'll be part of my life forever.


Quoting Krysden:

No, you are NOT being a bitch for that.  He is the one that is wrong in this situation.  By his own admission he had fallen in love with her and by his own mouth he told you he would cease contact.   If there is any hope for your marriage they have to sever ALL ties, best friends or not.  Any chance you can talk to her about it?  If she doesn't return his feelings she might be able to do everything she can on her end to help.   I wish I had some wonderful advice for you.  


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villagemamma
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 4:02 PM
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Um YES! i would be livid. That would hurt me so badly. If he cant understand or respect that then i would probably not waste anymore of my time with him...  How would he feel if you did that to him?

I think it is possible in some cases to recover a relationship after something like this but it takes both parties working everyday to build trust, respect and a strong bound.

I really hope things work out ok for you regardless what you decide. No one should be in a relationship with someone that isnt willing to be all in. You deserve someone that is going to love and respect you

SareyF
by Sarah on Mar. 21, 2013 at 4:05 PM
Your SO is a jackass. Don't put up with it. In this case, it is entirely fair to give him an ultimatum. But it sounds like he's not serious enough about your relationship to save it. So if it were me, I'd be done.
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OHgirlinCA
by Silver Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 4:07 PM

 What would have happened if she had reciprocated in the feelings that he says he has for her?  Do you really want to be the consolation prize?  I'm really sorry, but that's what it sounds like you are to him.  You have an absolute right to be upset.  He knows how you feel and if he holds your relationship dear, he should respect your wishes.

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