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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

im beginning to think there is something wrong with him!!!!!!!

Posted by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 10:50 PM
  • 53 Replies

Long story short....We have a lot of debt we own 2 homes, 2 car payments and around 60k in bank loans and credit cards. Hubby wanted a new quad for a long time, i knew there really would never be a good time and was sick of hearing him bitch so i said just go ahead. (15k later) . So i do the finances and were pretty much at our limit with no spending money. He gets home from work today and goes to the bedroom  and makes a phone call, comes out and tells me he has to go somewhere its a surprise well i bitch enough that he tells me he bought a jimmy or some shit for 500$ for me. WTF i have a 2009 F150 why would i want a 90's piece o'crap suv????? that by the way needs some work and i can not afford insurance on another car either. He proceeds to call me a ungrateful bitch???? Im so mad. I just don't get him right now, i wish we could be on the same page with finances. Dont really have a questions just needed to vent. Any opinions are welcome.

by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 10:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Mar. 21, 2013 at 11:09 PM
2 moms liked this
Oh boy. You're married to a spender. Have you sat down with him and showed him, on paper, how bad off you are?
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shann77
by Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 11:19 PM
Yes, twice this week, he just doesn't seem to get it. We don't agree on how money should be spent. We make a decent amount but need to pay stuff off before we make more purchases. but ya I can't explain anything to do with money to him. He has expensive hobbies and wants!


Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Oh boy. You're married to a spender. Have you sat down with him and showed him, on paper, how bad off you are?

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Mar. 21, 2013 at 11:22 PM
1 mom liked this
Do you work? If you do, split your money. Seriously, get separate accounts, start putting all of your own money in yours. Tell him you want to divide and split the bills, other than that he can spend what he wants, when he wants. If he runs out of spending money, that's all his fault, not yours.

Quoting shann77:

Yes, twice this week, he just doesn't seem to get it. We don't agree on how money should be spent. We make a decent amount but need to pay stuff off before we make more purchases. but ya I can't explain anything to do with money to him. He has expensive hobbies and wants!




Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Oh boy. You're married to a spender. Have you sat down with him and showed him, on paper, how bad off you are?

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
shann77
by Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 11:31 PM
I'm on maternity leave right now, but we already have separate accounts and split every thing but the debt we accumulated is together and i'm fairly strapped for extra money to pay anything off, i'm waiting to get paid to buy groceries and he just spent 500$ on something we didn't need, doesn't make sense to me and it's super frustrating. he knows what's going on I hate bitching every day about shit he should already know.


Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Do you work? If you do, split your money. Seriously, get separate accounts, start putting all of your own money in yours. Tell him you want to divide and split the bills, other than that he can spend what he wants, when he wants. If he runs out of spending money, that's all his fault, not yours.



Quoting shann77:

Yes, twice this week, he just doesn't seem to get it. We don't agree on how money should be spent. We make a decent amount but need to pay stuff off before we make more purchases. but ya I can't explain anything to do with money to him. He has expensive hobbies and wants!






Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Oh boy. You're married to a spender. Have you sat down with him and showed him, on paper, how bad off you are?


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Zazayam
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 11:37 PM

Sounds like you two need a serious budget set in stone. Sorry I have no advice on how to make that happen...

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Mar. 21, 2013 at 11:46 PM
I'm sorry. :-( that's a tough position to be in.

Quoting shann77:

I'm on maternity leave right now, but we already have separate accounts and split every thing but the debt we accumulated is together and i'm fairly strapped for extra money to pay anything off, i'm waiting to get paid to buy groceries and he just spent 500$ on something we didn't need, doesn't make sense to me and it's super frustrating. he knows what's going on I hate bitching every day about shit he should already know.




Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Do you work? If you do, split your money. Seriously, get separate accounts, start putting all of your own money in yours. Tell him you want to divide and split the bills, other than that he can spend what he wants, when he wants. If he runs out of spending money, that's all his fault, not yours.





Quoting shann77:

Yes, twice this week, he just doesn't seem to get it. We don't agree on how money should be spent. We make a decent amount but need to pay stuff off before we make more purchases. but ya I can't explain anything to do with money to him. He has expensive hobbies and wants!








Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Oh boy. You're married to a spender. Have you sat down with him and showed him, on paper, how bad off you are?


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
MagicTemptation
by Christina on Mar. 22, 2013 at 9:00 AM
2 moms liked this

Oh wow! I am sorry. I don't know that I can offer much advice unless you both are willing to change. And I saw both because prior to this incident you both have alot of debt raked up.

We follow the Dave Ramsey plan. We don't have any credit cards. We believe if we don't have the cash, we really don't or shouldn't spend.  We both drive older used vehicles and we baby them. I have a 2005 Grand Caravan I bought for $800, put a few hundred in it on repairs. It works great. It doesn't look shiny or pretty but that doesn't bother me. He has a 2004 mustang that has been through hell and back. It is also fully paid. Our only debt is our mortgage (a fixer upper). We have basic on all of our bills. We shop at local garage sales and thrift stores, we actually love it bc it is like a treasure hunt for us. We enjoy fixing things up and giving them our own personal twists. 

If you really want to try to change, make a spreadsheet of ALL finances down to the last cent. Then show him where you guys can make cuts, and where you can apply that extra money to beat down other debts you can't get out from under. Show him how much in interest you guys are paying. Show him how long with the way things currently are it will take to be debt free. Most men are visual creatures so they do better with actually seeing it laid out for them. 

xoxRachelxox
by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 9:07 AM
1 mom liked this

Wow... sorry. 

Obviously you aren't being an ungrateful bitch, he's spending money you don't have, on things you don't need or even want. 

I would ask him, what's it going to take to stop the spending? Being out on the street because if he doesn't stop, that's where you're headed. 

Good luck.

LDavis33
by Member on Mar. 22, 2013 at 9:44 AM
2 moms liked this

It sounds to me as though he is an emotional spender.  I get like that when I am bored, I spend money. Although certainly not on that scale, usually it's something like new towels for the bathroom, an outfit for my kids or something along those lines.  I literally get a bit of a "high" from buying things.  There's a little voice inside my head that says "I won't be happy until I have _______".  I've been working on changing this behavior and it is getting much better.

Unfortunately for you, he's not going to change until he acknowledges that it is a problem.  You need to sit down and discuss your finances.  Try tracking all of your families spending (every single penny) for a month or two and them show him the results.  It might be the wake up call he needs.  

Good luck!

furbabymum
by Gold Member on Mar. 22, 2013 at 10:26 AM
2 moms liked this

 My DH and I took the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace classes. We have no debt and could survive a year with no jobs off of our savings. I think you should try to get your hubby on board with that.

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