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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

His words were so cruel!

Posted by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 11:46 PM
  • 23 Replies

My husband was dealing wth a tantrum with one of the kids.   I said that I couldn't deal with the situation since I'm very pregnant.  Then he said, it was my "fault"  because he didn't want another child.  My unborn baby is m fault? I know that's not true, and this isn't the first time he's blamed me for our third pregnancy.  Guess I made her all by myself.  Oh, yeah once he found out it was another girl he has been a complete asshole.  I've banned him from the delivery.   I dont want him there.   He doesn't care about her or me and he will just stress me out.  So,  he has to stay home.

He told me he wants us to downsize our home and pull our kids out of this school district, which is why we moved here.  Our oldest has special needs and is going into a school with Autism classes.  I have worked long and hard with the team of therapists, her teaher, and the autism specialist to put together her education plan for next year.  He says we will just have to.  But,  I am not moving anywhere.  He's freakng out and ready to uproot our whole life. 

Who tells an 8month pregnant woman this out of the blue.  He really upset me today and the baby and I need to stay calm.  Even if he's worried about things financially, he handled this poorly.

 

by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 11:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Zazayam
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 12:55 AM

He has indeed handled it poorly, I'm sorry. He's probably just stressed (no excuse, I know..) but hopefully things improve for you soon.

JessM3
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 1:20 AM

 he's prob just stressed! but the fact remains the same!!! it takes two to make a baby.... so you keep your head up! and continue to worry about you and the baby! he'll come around!

you guys are in my prayers!

TommyAbby
by Melissa on Mar. 24, 2013 at 12:43 PM
1 mom liked this

Did he not want anymore kids before you found out you were pregnant??? he may hold that grudge for a long time. I am sorry you have to deal with it :(


lorial58
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 1:29 PM

He needs to learn how to convey his feelings in a way that doesn't blame others or hurt their feelings.  He needs to learn "I" language where he says "I feel like a third child was a bad idea but I want you to know that I'm here for you."  "I am worried about finances and we need to make some cutbacks but we'll talk about that later after the baby is born and on WIC to see just how bad things really are."  "I love all of our children please don't leave me because I'm an ass and not handling this stress well."

queensweet
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 1:43 PM

Wow. (Hugs). Just try to stay as calm as possible so you won't have any complications with your pregnancy. If he wants to move, let him do so. You stay put and do what is best for you and your kids. Be prepared for the possibility tha he is going to quit on you and your kids.

If you think that he will be opened to marriage counseling, suggest it. If he turns it down, then you know what you need to do. You can't make a marriage work by yourself.

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Mar. 24, 2013 at 1:52 PM
Did you know he didn't want any more kids before you got knocked up again?

I'm having a hard time understanding this really, you are married to a man that you had to BAN from your birth because you don't want him near you or your new baby? Are you afraid of him? You say he doesn't care about either you or the baby, yet you want to stay with this guy? I feel like there are more details here. Do you think he's afraid this baby will have autism too and he doesn't think he can deal with that?
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DragonMother10
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 1:53 PM
I'm sorry you are going through that. My husband tells me it's my fault for being pregnant again, but I know he's joking. He never puts the blame on me when we argue. He knows I didn't get pregnant by myself. Let your husband know that, but hopefully he didn't mean it.
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Due9
by Bronze Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 1:55 PM


Quoting TommyAbby:

Did he not want anymore kids before you found out you were pregnant??? he may hold that grudge for a long time. I am sorry you have to deal with it :(



juggling

zoo003
by Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 2:01 PM

Have you had an open, honest discussion with him regarding the hurtful things that he has said to you?  I would highly recommend individual and couple counseling.  He needs to understand that his words are not only hurtful to you, but will be abusive when your dd is born. He also needs to realize that his wanting to uproot the family for no good reason will just cause more stress and issues.   There are quite a few red flags that I see from what you have posted, but hopefully with communication and counseling they can be overcome.  Good luck.   

-Edit-I just wanted to add, if he is ever abusive (verbal, physical, emotional) or you ever feel threatened by him, please call he cops or leave and contact a women's shelter if needed. Your children and you do not need or deserve that (not saying he is abusive, just wanted you to keep that in mind). 

cherylam
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 2:07 PM

He's freaking out too!  I agree he didn't handle it well, but he's scared too. A third child is a big commitment, because in our society most families have one or two children at most, and especially since most (not all) men are male oriented, all they want is sons.  Every man is differant, but I would think he really needs to talk to someone NOW, and don't think once the baby is here he will accept her.  That may not happen unless he gets a chance to get whats bothering him off his chest.

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