Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

How to choose between your family and your fiancee'

Posted by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 8:27 PM
  • 200 Replies

 So here's the story. My mom has not liked my fiancee' since we first started dating. almost every time I talk to her she's asked me to leave and be smart and not stay with a bum. She is always mad because she thinks he is lazy and he is controlling my life. She gets pissed because he won't drive me down to see my family ever ( I don't have a drivers license). My husband doesn't trust my mom. He thinks she is always talking bad about him and that every time she drives four hours to my house to pick me up to spend a few days with her, shes not going to bring me back. The last time was it for me. My mother offered to help my buy an amtrak ticket to visit her at her new place and made a comment about how i should move in with her  and my husband said he didn't want me to leave for six days and claims its because he thinks she isn't going to drive me to the station to come home. He offered instead to drive me. Problem is, He forgets everything and then when it comes time he won't do it because he forgot gas  or he has to go do some work for his parents or something and my mom will be pissed because he didn't do what he said he would do. I love him and I love my family. How am I supposed to choose between the two? How do I tell one or the other that basically they won't be part of my life? I shouldn't have to choose right?

by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 8:27 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
bcauseimthemom
by Bronze Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 8:29 PM
9 moms liked this

Is he your husband or your finace??  You shouldn't have to choose.... they are both acting like children.

HasNoIdea93
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 8:34 PM

 We had the marriage ceremony, but it wasn't official. Lame I know. I know I shouldn't have to choose, but I feel like I can't be stuck between them anymore. And I know that if I lose my family I will blame my fiancee' and If i leave my fiancee' I will blame my mother....

Nynnie
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 8:34 PM
7 moms liked this
Tell them they can both get over it and be there for u, or u can't be there for them. Tell both of them that. That being said it's bs he forgets shit to not take u, then says it's ur mom who won't take u. If it comes down to it pick ur mommy, she always has ur best interest at heart
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Brittanyk3
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 8:34 PM
you are right and you should not have to choose between then. i would sit them both down (at different times) and say i love _____ and im going to be with him. if you want to continue to be in my life you need to accept that. please stop talking bad about him to me. then sit him down and tell him and say i love my mom and you need to accept that. i could be wrong but it seems to me he "forgets" everytime you are suppose to go see your mom.
MJP76
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 8:34 PM
5 moms liked this

You have to make a choice. One or the other. Once he becomes your husband (if he does) then you have to choose him, or your marriage will be in a world of hurt.

if you are close with your mother and have a good relationship with her, then I'd listen to what she has to say. She older and wiser. And unless she is crazy and belongs in a loony bin then there has got to be some merit behind what she is saying about him being a bum, and controlling. I wouldn't be with someone like that.

if you're not close to your mom and she does belong in a loony bin, and she has no clue what she is talking about then stand by your man.

HasNoIdea93
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 8:37 PM

 Actually he forgets alot of stuff, Its not just going to see my mom. I was getting a new pet off craigslist and I needed to be there at 11;30 and I needed 20 bucks and he was supposed to put the cage in the car. I told him this for three weeks. When the day came, He forgot the 20, the cage, and I was almost two hours late.

HasNoIdea93
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 8:39 PM

 My mom is def not looney and she thinks he is a bum because he doesn't have alot of money.. or a job, but thats because his ex wife is making him pay out the butt for child support when we have two other children to take care of and he lost his job and he still has to pay 800 plus a month.

Luv.My.Kidz
by Bronze Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 8:40 PM

In that situation... I would tell your mother that if she wants to spend time with you she can come visit you. 

At that point as well... you need to speak with her and him and they need to respect eachother, she needs to respect the fact that you're married to the man you chose and he needs to accept that she's your mom and will always be there.

HasNoIdea93
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 8:43 PM

 My mom can't visit. She lives 3 and a half hours away and works in a hospital... not alot of free time there and my husband knows this.

boshs1andonly
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 8:48 PM

Should you have to choose? In a perfect world they would get over themselves and realize that they need to get along but some people can't do that. I originally had an agreement with my mom that I would wait until after graduation to get married, and she would pay the bills (he knew this and was okay with it). something changed and my whole family basically told me, its us or him. so I called him, told him to pick me up and I moved out that same day. everyone eventually came around, things aren't great but I haven't cut anyone out over it.  at the time I chose him because I knew I wanted to be with him and they were being unfair about the situation. even if they had never come around, I made the right choice. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN