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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Would you be upset and is it cheating.

Posted by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 10:28 AM
  • 37 Replies
1 mom liked this

 

Poll

Question: Would you be upset if your SO was texting someone else?

Options:

Would you think it was innocent and be ok with it?

Would you think your SO was cheating


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Total Votes: 63

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My ex fiancé and i have been together for 6 years. Recently things had been feeling really strained and the harder I tried the more he pulled away. About a month ago we got into an argument and we broke up. I broke up with him. He was so rude and didn't see what it was that he had done. I asked him for almost a year if we could do premarital counseling and he said yes, but wouldn't go. It was excuse after excuse, but always my fault. The best one was that he would go, but it still wouldn't make me happy. I made a lot of mistakes, but I would call myself on it. Like I didn't talk a lot. I would text him or email. We didn't live together. I thought he would listen better if he wasn't able to interrupt and deny.  He stopped apologizing because he said he was tired of being the bad guy. He was doing stupid stuff. He "joked" about having a kid so much that I don't know if he has one. He would say he did then say it was a joke. Stupid things like that. Anyway, I just found out that he was texting some other female all hours of the night and morning. I would text him and he wouldn't answer, but he always answered her. The worst part is that she goes to my church. She would sit there and stare at us. It was creepy. I would tell him and he would say it was me. One day she walked by and touched his arm and he laughed and denied it. He says they are just friends and that I'm insecure and looking for something. I talked to her. She was as rude as him. I feel like he cheated. Why would an engaged man be talking to another women at those hours and so much. I don't see how this is friendship. Do you think I'm overreacting? I keep asking him how he would feel if things were reversed and he won't answer. He put it on me. He was always texting and acting funny, so I would ask him about it. He always said it was nothing and showed me text from his brother. He gave me a reason to feel like something was up. I didn't make it up. I feel like he cheated, he says they are friends. I'm hurt and confused. On top of that I now have to go into a church and sit with the chick who is partly responsible for breaking up my fiancé and I. I blame them both. I don't know what to do with this. I don't really have any friends to talk to, so please help me through this. I feel like even IF nothing physical happened between them, he had an emotional affair. 





Update: I want to thank every one for your kindness. This has been very difficult for me, but I'm trying to move on. He has been texting me, but the more he text, the better I feel. He continues to tangle himself in lies. I've found out that he has spent time with her even though he assures me if was innocent. I'm not buying that though. We were trying to work things out when this all came to light, but not anymore. I know it's going to be a long road ahead of me, but I'm going to work on it. I took out a gym membership and have found some new friends that I didn't even know cared. As much as this hurts, and believe me it hurts a lot, I'm finding a few blessings in this. My kids are ok, and thanks to all of you I have realized that I wasted a lot of time on a man who didn't care the way I did. I'm going to spend some time taking care of me for a while, thanks again.

by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 10:28 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lwalker270
by Bronze Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 10:32 AM
It doesn't sound good, hon.

Have you reconciled? If not, I'd probably cut my losses and if you have, I'd insist on counseling as a condition of staying together.
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mrs.hartman12
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 10:34 AM
13 moms liked this
If you have been together six years, still are nit married, and he is texting another woman all night.....honey walk away now! She can have him. Don't waste another minute on him. The right man will only have eyes for you, and won't waste time!
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Two_Hearts
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 10:34 AM
2 moms liked this

That is having an emotional affair imo.

I say to find a different church to go too, there is no reason why you should have to put yourself in that situation 

You say he is an ex , and i say good riddance! 

Trust me , that is not someone that you want to marry.


MamaScho88
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 10:34 AM
2 moms liked this

 If you have a gut feeling then you are probably right...sounds like he either cheated, or is thinking about cheating...this is definately emotional cheating IMO...a man does not text a woman all hours of the night if she is "just a friend"

Bertieb
by Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 11:30 AM

He is not committed to you or respectful and kind to you like you deserve. It doesn't take six years and all these problems to make a lasting relationship.  I havent' even known my husband that long, and he has never been rude to me or even made me suspect him of any interest in someone else. You broke up with him, now find someone that puts YOU first, and worries a little about you talking to someone else, there is someone like that out there!

Mom2wife1
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 12:25 PM
1 mom liked this

If you have a feeling something happened and he is giving you a reason to think that, than he probably did. You don't sound happy and It doesn't sound like he is willing to do what he needs to do to ease your mind. It's been 6 years and he thinks he can have a texting relationship with another woman and possibly cheated on you. That's not ok. You should probably move on from him. He doesn't sound like a man you should marry. He isn't willing to put you first. You deserve better.

CorpCityGrl
by Bronze Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 12:29 PM

It doesn't sound good.

In my opinion, he had an emotional affair and you are better off walking away.  It sounds like he didn't really even respect you or your relationship by the way he spoke to you and his evasiveness.  He was hiding things and wasn't being open and honest with you and projecting and placing blame on you - that is not how a loved one acts. 

WritingMom777
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 12:30 PM

Run, run as fast as you can sweetie.  You deserve to have somebody be totally in love with you.  I had a guy friend once tell me that if men felt bad about breaking up with a woman then they would act really bad and nasty so that the girl would break up first and then they wouldn't feel so bad.

This may not be happening in your situtaton, but you deserve better.  Period.

sunflower37
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 12:36 PM

I agree.. 


Quoting mrs.hartman12:

If you have been together six years, still are nit married, and he is texting another woman all night.....honey walk away now! She can have him. Don't waste another minute on him. The right man will only have eyes for you, and won't waste time!


 

Maevelyn
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 12:40 PM
2 moms liked this

yeah throw that one back. 

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