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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Would you be upset and is it cheating.

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Poll

Question: Would you be upset if your SO was texting someone else?

Options:

Would you think it was innocent and be ok with it?

Would you think your SO was cheating


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Total Votes: 63

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My ex fiancé and i have been together for 6 years. Recently things had been feeling really strained and the harder I tried the more he pulled away. About a month ago we got into an argument and we broke up. I broke up with him. He was so rude and didn't see what it was that he had done. I asked him for almost a year if we could do premarital counseling and he said yes, but wouldn't go. It was excuse after excuse, but always my fault. The best one was that he would go, but it still wouldn't make me happy. I made a lot of mistakes, but I would call myself on it. Like I didn't talk a lot. I would text him or email. We didn't live together. I thought he would listen better if he wasn't able to interrupt and deny.  He stopped apologizing because he said he was tired of being the bad guy. He was doing stupid stuff. He "joked" about having a kid so much that I don't know if he has one. He would say he did then say it was a joke. Stupid things like that. Anyway, I just found out that he was texting some other female all hours of the night and morning. I would text him and he wouldn't answer, but he always answered her. The worst part is that she goes to my church. She would sit there and stare at us. It was creepy. I would tell him and he would say it was me. One day she walked by and touched his arm and he laughed and denied it. He says they are just friends and that I'm insecure and looking for something. I talked to her. She was as rude as him. I feel like he cheated. Why would an engaged man be talking to another women at those hours and so much. I don't see how this is friendship. Do you think I'm overreacting? I keep asking him how he would feel if things were reversed and he won't answer. He put it on me. He was always texting and acting funny, so I would ask him about it. He always said it was nothing and showed me text from his brother. He gave me a reason to feel like something was up. I didn't make it up. I feel like he cheated, he says they are friends. I'm hurt and confused. On top of that I now have to go into a church and sit with the chick who is partly responsible for breaking up my fiancé and I. I blame them both. I don't know what to do with this. I don't really have any friends to talk to, so please help me through this. I feel like even IF nothing physical happened between them, he had an emotional affair. 





Update: I want to thank every one for your kindness. This has been very difficult for me, but I'm trying to move on. He has been texting me, but the more he text, the better I feel. He continues to tangle himself in lies. I've found out that he has spent time with her even though he assures me if was innocent. I'm not buying that though. We were trying to work things out when this all came to light, but not anymore. I know it's going to be a long road ahead of me, but I'm going to work on it. I took out a gym membership and have found some new friends that I didn't even know cared. As much as this hurts, and believe me it hurts a lot, I'm finding a few blessings in this. My kids are ok, and thanks to all of you I have realized that I wasted a lot of time on a man who didn't care the way I did. I'm going to spend some time taking care of me for a while, thanks again.

by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 10:28 AM
Replies (21-30):
Proud2bamomma
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 9:09 AM

If you had a daughter who was going through your situation, what would you tell her? That is what you need to do for yourself. So many women let themselves put up with garbage because they think they aren't worthy of anything else. Good luck to you.

jj4ij
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 10:14 AM
1 mom liked this

 First of all... He is playing WAY too many games with your head.  It will only get worse.  That is a very "controlling" behaviour.  TRUST ME when I tell you this, If you are free of him, be glad it was that easy and move on.  I am 38, you look very young in your picture.  I have been with my SO for almost ten years now, and he is EXACTLY The same way.  Constant head games, that is to keep you confused so that you do not see what is really going on.  The whole he has a kid thing?   That is crazy.  He is trying to keep your head messed up and off focus.  That is what I deal with daily.  It gets so much worse.  Also once you live together, which eventually would happen... he would take full control of you.  It destroys you as a woman and I know because I speak from experience.  He tells me how I feel.....  WTF?  I know how I feel, but he will tell me otherwise and I let it go to avoid conflict, which just gives him more and more control.   Please avoid that.  I am moving next week, 5 whole hours away to get out of this relationship.  That is so crazy.  But I cannot wait, I cannot wait for happiness, relief, peace of mind.  I have been craving it for years.  My children too have been effected, even my 5 year old knows that his father is "off".  He is always checking up on me, asking me if I am ok, if daddy is being mean to me.  That is so horrible and makes me feel like I am failing him so bad.  Me and my kids are so happy to be getting away from this situation I have gotten us in.  I pray that you let him be gone and do not find yourself in my shoes.  Fact is from day one, I knew he was "off" too, but I was SO in LOVE, and nobody could tell me that I was making a mistake.  But my gut always told me I was.  I blame myself for it all.  Don't put yourself in that predicament.  Be safe and Good Luck.  (((HUGS)))

JaSeaKnight3
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 11:33 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm w this one. The guy I'm w is very friendly but he def only had eyes for me. & I'm divorced & w 3 kids, 1 special needs & a toddler. You don't need to be worrying rest of your life about it.


Quoting mrs.hartman12:

If you have been together six years, still are nit married, and he is texting another woman all night.....honey walk away now! She can have him. Don't waste another minute on him. The right man will only have eyes for you, and won't waste time!

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
CharlotteRose
by Charlotte on Mar. 27, 2013 at 12:52 PM

 

Great advice!!

Quoting mrs.hartman12:

If you have been together six years, still are nit married, and he is texting another woman all night.....honey walk away now! She can have him. Don't waste another minute on him. The right man will only have eyes for you, and won't waste time!


 

CharlotteRose
by Charlotte on Mar. 27, 2013 at 12:56 PM

 

Love can make even the most rational level headed person fall for someone just like the person you described!

Quoting jj4ij:

 First of all... He is playing WAY too many games with your head.  It will only get worse.  That is a very "controlling" behaviour.  TRUST ME when I tell you this, If you are free of him, be glad it was that easy and move on.  I am 38, you look very young in your picture.  I have been with my SO for almost ten years now, and he is EXACTLY The same way.  Constant head games, that is to keep you confused so that you do not see what is really going on.  The whole he has a kid thing?   That is crazy.  He is trying to keep your head messed up and off focus.  That is what I deal with daily.  It gets so much worse.  Also once you live together, which eventually would happen... he would take full control of you.  It destroys you as a woman and I know because I speak from experience.  He tells me how I feel.....  WTF?  I know how I feel, but he will tell me otherwise and I let it go to avoid conflict, which just gives him more and more control.   Please avoid that.  I am moving next week, 5 whole hours away to get out of this relationship.  That is so crazy.  But I cannot wait, I cannot wait for happiness, relief, peace of mind.  I have been craving it for years.  My children too have been effected, even my 5 year old knows that his father is "off".  He is always checking up on me, asking me if I am ok, if daddy is being mean to me.  That is so horrible and makes me feel like I am failing him so bad.  Me and my kids are so happy to be getting away from this situation I have gotten us in.  I pray that you let him be gone and do not find yourself in my shoes.  Fact is from day one, I knew he was "off" too, but I was SO in LOVE, and nobody could tell me that I was making a mistake.  But my gut always told me I was.  I blame myself for it all.  Don't put yourself in that predicament.  Be safe and Good Luck.  (((HUGS)))


 

jenmomx3
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 12:57 PM

 I think that it is cheating.  If you are doing something that you feel you have to hide, or lie about, then you are doing something wrong.  If you are already broken  up, I think you might want to consider staying that way.  He is disrespectful, and joking about outside kids is not funny.

LilliesValley
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 12:58 PM
I think if after six years you are having all of these problems are worried about cheating and everything else its just time to move on. Don't settle for this because you are just comfortable with him.

Yes, he may end up with this lady and that will be hard. I've been there but you'll move onward to and find someone else. Relationships have sacrifice but shouldn't be all sacrifice. Be a little uncomfortable on your own for awhile and figure out what you want. Six months from now to a year it mltn won't be him.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
rbailey2414
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 12:58 PM

doesnt sound right!

jj4ij
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 1:34 PM

 It is crazy huh?  I cannot believe the situation I am in now.  But, good may be to come.  When I leave I don't know what to expect.  It will be an adventure.  I am staying positive.  Hey, maybe I will become something wonderful out there!  But fact is, I had to give up my job... which I have been at over a decade and my home that I have lived in for 12 years and all of my friends and my kids school and daycare.  I am giving up so much to "run".  That is just so sad to me.  I pray for better out there.  It is 5 hours away.  I currently live in Philadelphia, which I do Hate anymore.  I used to love it here, but it has turned so bad.  I do want to get my kids out of here.  Where I am going it is a super small rural town!  Only 2000 people!  That is a BIG difference for me.  It will take some getting used to, but I will be safe and able to relax and be "MYSELF".  I miss me.  He has turned me into someone I am not.......  I hope OP does not let this happen to her.  She is lucky she was not living with him. 

Quoting CharlotteRose:

 

Love can make even the most rational level headed person fall for someone just like the person you described!

Quoting jj4ij:

 First of all... He is playing WAY too many games with your head.  It will only get worse.  That is a very "controlling" behaviour.  TRUST ME when I tell you this, If you are free of him, be glad it was that easy and move on.  I am 38, you look very young in your picture.  I have been with my SO for almost ten years now, and he is EXACTLY The same way.  Constant head games, that is to keep you confused so that you do not see what is really going on.  The whole he has a kid thing?   That is crazy.  He is trying to keep your head messed up and off focus.  That is what I deal with daily.  It gets so much worse.  Also once you live together, which eventually would happen... he would take full control of you.  It destroys you as a woman and I know because I speak from experience.  He tells me how I feel.....  WTF?  I know how I feel, but he will tell me otherwise and I let it go to avoid conflict, which just gives him more and more control.   Please avoid that.  I am moving next week, 5 whole hours away to get out of this relationship.  That is so crazy.  But I cannot wait, I cannot wait for happiness, relief, peace of mind.  I have been craving it for years.  My children too have been effected, even my 5 year old knows that his father is "off".  He is always checking up on me, asking me if I am ok, if daddy is being mean to me.  That is so horrible and makes me feel like I am failing him so bad.  Me and my kids are so happy to be getting away from this situation I have gotten us in.  I pray that you let him be gone and do not find yourself in my shoes.  Fact is from day one, I knew he was "off" too, but I was SO in LOVE, and nobody could tell me that I was making a mistake.  But my gut always told me I was.  I blame myself for it all.  Don't put yourself in that predicament.  Be safe and Good Luck.  (((HUGS)))

 

 

 

OHgirlinCA
by Silver Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 1:37 PM

 If he's your ex fiance, why do you care?  Move on! 

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