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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Would you expect a boyfriend to be a dad figure to your kids?

Posted by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 4:56 PM
  • 30 Replies

I have trust issues, so I probably dont be in a relationship for long time but if you were dating somebody, would you want them to act as a dad to your babies? I think I would like it, but as long as they at least LIKED my son I wouldn't expect anything more than just being nice to him.

If they didn't like him though deal's off. He's part of me so if a boyfriend didn't like him, he must not really like me either.

by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 4:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
DragonMother10
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 5:00 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't have to worry about this, but if that were to happen to me, the relationship would have to be a serious one. I would hope he would accept my kids. I would discuss how he felt about kids that are not his from the get go.
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Fields456
by Silver Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 5:02 PM
I never expected it but my now dh did all on his own.. We are now happily married and have a ds together he is still an amazing father
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mrsfitz05
by Bronze Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 5:04 PM
3 moms liked this

 Well, I've never dated as a mom. However, based on my parents divorce and subsequent marriages, I believe that I wouldn't be with someone who couldn't love my children. I would expect the same thing from my husband if we split. Like it or not when a relationship ends and parents begin dating and marry again, that person becomes an adult influence in your child's life. What's best for the child is that the adults be adults and work together to form a parenting team. I'm thankful that my parents did this. My stepparents are a huge part of my life and are wonderful grandparents to my children. They'd truly be missing out not to have them in their lives.

The number of women on here who despise their stepchildren and the mom's who are all "just because she married their dad doesn't make her a parental figure to my children" just appall me. These kids - even if they act out - did NOT ask for this. I'm thankful for my stepparents looking past me being a brat for awhile and loving me anyway.

I don't think we'd get past the first few dates if someone wasn't interested in having a relationship with my children. I'm not saying replace their dad, but you can be a parental figure without replacing the biological parent.

Mommabearbergh
by Bronze Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 5:04 PM

If something happened like dh passed on and I found myself interested in another guy. Yeah he is going to have to take role on with my children if he wants to be in my life. If anything my kids gotta like him because they are apart of me.

lynda0322
by Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 5:25 PM

I went through this. DH and I split for a while and I was dating someone else for a couple months. I would not let him be a father figure to my kids for one reason. I knew the situation was not permanant. He was nice to my girls but he had no say in anything to do with them.

zanderNerynMOM
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 5:30 PM

I would expect them to be a father figure, not a dad. I would expect them to set a good example for my children... polite, courteous, respectful, etc. I would not expect them to discipline them or be involved in their well being. If he chose to go above and beyond by making a bond with them, then that would be awesome. But not expected.

OHgirlinCA
by Silver Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 5:35 PM

 When my husband was my boyfriend, I did not expect him to be a father figure for my kids.  I didn't have him around them until I knew he was committed to me for the long haul.  Now that we're married, he is a huge and positive role model in their lives. 

eatyourveges
by Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 5:40 PM
1 mom liked this
This. I met my husband when my oldest son was 6 months old and he has always been his best playmate. However, actually acting like a dad didn't happen until it was obvious we were both in it for the long haul.

Now we are married, my oldest is almost three, we have a six month old, and my husband considers them both equally his sons.


Quoting zanderNerynMOM:

I would expect them to be a father figure, not a dad. I would expect them to set a good example for my children... polite, courteous, respectful, etc. I would not expect them to discipline them or be involved in their well being. If he chose to go above and beyond by making a bond with them, then that would be awesome. But not expected.


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xoxRachelxox
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 5:40 PM

My husband is more of a father to my oldest son than his own dad is. 

My son has severe ADHD and can be really hard to deal with. He never lost his cool with him, never put him down and never treated him like he was a pain in the ass. It made me fall in love with him. 

Now we have two sons together and he loves them all the same. 

If something were to happen to dh, I wouldn't be ready to date for a long time and I would take it slow with introducing my children to someone new. 

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Mar. 26, 2013 at 5:44 PM

If I divorced my husband I don't know that I would seriously date another person again until my daughter was like, grown and going away to college. I don't trust another man around my child, (maybe I watch too much Dateline NBC and too much news), even if he seems all well and good. Her father will always be her father, I would never ask, or expect, another man to step up and do his job for him.

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