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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Would you expect a boyfriend to be a dad figure to your kids?

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I have trust issues, so I probably dont be in a relationship for long time but if you were dating somebody, would you want them to act as a dad to your babies? I think I would like it, but as long as they at least LIKED my son I wouldn't expect anything more than just being nice to him.

If they didn't like him though deal's off. He's part of me so if a boyfriend didn't like him, he must not really like me either.

by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 4:56 PM
Replies (21-30):
frogbender
by Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 9:54 PM

First and foremost: I would NEVER introduce a boyfriend to my child unless I was sure that it was going to be a serious, long-term relationship. This is probably why I just didn't bother dating for nearly 6 years. Second: Yes, as it turns out, I did finally meet someone that I did want a serious relationship with, and it was important that he liked my child. However, I don't expect him to act as a father-figure currently, as it is not his role. Now, if it looks like this relationship is going to result in marriage, then at that point I would hope that he would like to take on the role. 

oliver92
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 11:33 PM

I wouldnt date just to date someone, they would have to be all in or not at all in order to even meet or spend time with my kids. No casual dating, there are a lot of great men that make great dads and then there are a lot of the opposite, so you have to be careful who you introduce your children too.  Your right you are a package and that package comes with some baggage, but dosent everybody these days...

mom2jasper
by Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:56 AM
1 mom liked this
A boyfriend would have to start out as a good role model. Then after it became apparent that the relationship would last, he could take on more of a father figure role. My son was 1 1/2 when I met my fiancé. We had been together about 5 months when he started calling him daddy all on his own. (The first time he heard a waitress refer to us as his mommy and daddy and just repeated it. But it has stuck ever since) My fiancé has been a great role model and father figure to my son, which is why I plan on marrying him
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NikiH0302
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 10:28 AM

Honestly, if the relationship isnt going to last I wouldn't want my child around the person long enough for them to act as a father figure bc it would just hurt the child when the relationship ended.  When me and my dh got together I told him that in front of my cildren (from my xh) we were only friends, bc I didn't want my kids getting attatched to someone who wasn't going to be sticking around.  But we quickly became very serious, but up until he proposed to me my kids thought we were friends, then I sat and talked to them about how they felt about him and I getting married and they were very happy bc they love him.  Now my dh and I have a dd and one on the way and he treat all the kids the same.  

printerr
by Bronze Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 10:50 AM

If I were not married to my son's father, and were dating....let's see.....early in the relationship I would NOT want him to be a father figure, but would expect him to be a positive male role model and to respect my relationship with my son.  If we were serious (as in, engaged), then I would want him to start taking on some of the "father figue" role, but still mostly be more of a positive male role model than anything else.  If we got married, then he would obviously become the step-father, and depending on the kid(s), might be able to transistion right into the role, or might need to ease into it.

jojo_star
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 11:11 AM

Not at first, no. I had a son when my husband and I started dating, and he did as well. At first, we kept the kids out of it, though of course we talked about them, but once we realized that we were meant to be together, yes, we introduced each other to our children, and we slowly slid into the roles of mom and dad to them. 

WritingMom777
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 11:43 AM

I have a brother that has been in many marriages - I think 7 at last count!  Almost all the women he dated first had kids.  He loves kids and always treated them like they were his own.  And I know he still has feelings for those kids in spite of the divorces (still supporting several I think).

I think it depends on the person.  My brother doesn't have a whole lot of luck in relationships - he has always been the one that got cheated on.  I wouldn't expect a guy to be a dad figure unless you have been dating for awhile.  But a guy should be friendly and understanding about you having a child if he is going to bother dating you at all.  As long as the child is not a surprise -- as in he thinks that you are simply a single woman with no kids -- then you have the expectation of him treating you and the child decently.  But I think that is something that you would want to have a conversation about right up front.

MJP76
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 12:26 PM

Just dating.. NO.

living together, yes. I'd expect a certain amount of dedication to my children.

kaiyahsmommy
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 12:59 PM

my fiance stepped in and IMMEDIATELY started acting as a father figure to my daughter. He has 4 kids of his own and my daughter's father is still in her life but not as involved as he needs to be. the only reason that i am okay with this is that i had known him 7 months before we even became a couple. he always tells me "i can't be involved with you and not love her because she is a part of you. if i did for you and our daughter (we are expecting) and not her i would be horrible. she's my daughter now too." lucky i have a good guy like that 

Zazayam
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 3:43 PM

I would expect someone I'm in a serious long term relationship with to be available as a (step)father figure to my children, and would love them like they were his own. Not just any old boyfriend, and not every guy I dated.

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