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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Hubby and I start marriage counseling tomorrow :/ UPDATE

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And honestly I'm nervous as hell.

We've gone once before...Back in '09-'10, we went for a total of 5 months.  It helped us then, and I'm hoping it helps us now.  But we're so far into this mess we've created that I'm afraid there's no helping us.  I'm afraid 2 deployments and multiple lengthy training exercises have changed my husband for the worst, and as much as I try to talk to him and get him to understand what it's doing to our family, he just doesn't see what the problem is.  We are both on anti-depressants, and I'm also on an anti-anxiety additive as well.  I'm hoping by us going to counseling together again, we will get somewhere and be able to start fixing our problems and turn our relationship back into a loving one, instead of me feeling like the kids and I are just a burden to him.  

We only get 6 sessions with his squadron chaplain, and then after that he can refer us to an actual therapist if he thinks we need more...And I'm hoping he does because I know 6 sessions isn't enough.

3/28 UPDATE:

Well we went to our first session yesterday.  It went really well.  So far the chaplain seems to be pretty fair and unbiased.  We discussed the big major issues that brought us to see him, discussed where we want our relatioship to be, etc.  Right off the bat, he said we will be doing more than 6 sessions with him.  I guess he thinks our issues are that serious, that he wants to spend more time with us than he usually spends doing marital counseling.  Which I am happy about.  He didn't say how many sessions, just more than the normal 6.  We will be seeing him every Wednesday morning unless something comes up with my husband's work, at which point we will reschedule as soon as possible.  

The chaplain did give us a few things to work on at home until our next session.  He gave us each an "assessment" to do, just basically so he can get a feel on how we view each other and our relationship.  


by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 7:03 PM
Replies (11-20):
pookie4907
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 4:32 AM
No cheating. I am very fortunate to say that my husband loves me enough to at least stay faithful. But he's become a lot angrier, a lot more "nonchalant"- just an "I don't care" attitude when it comes to the family and doing things together. He's rather play his video games than spend time with us, we fight a lot, and he's done things to me that no woman should be put through (I really don't want to go into specifics). He treats the kids like they are insignificant and just in the way, and he never used to.

Quoting bmcandmmh:

If i may ask what exactly are the issues you are having? Cheating?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
bmcandmmh
by Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 4:56 AM
Oh I see. Well I think it's a big step for a man to even consider counseling so that's a very big plus for you. I think he needs a reality check from someone who is not inside the relationship. Someone who will gently help him to be more caring and affectionate with the family. Councelling can be super helpful and I'm sure you will get a lot out of the help. I would try though to find a way financially to do one session every two weeks forever though because it sounds like he needs a little push sometimes. It's almost like he forgets himself. So if you can do more sessions than 6 i definetly would.
Quoting pookie4907:

No cheating. I am very fortunate to say that my husband loves me enough to at least stay faithful. But he's become a lot angrier, a lot more "nonchalant"- just an "I don't care" attitude when it comes to the family and doing things together. He's rather play his video games than spend time with us, we fight a lot, and he's done things to me that no woman should be put through (I really don't want to go into specifics). He treats the kids like they are insignificant and just in the way, and he never used to.



Quoting bmcandmmh:

If i may ask what exactly are the issues you are having? Cheating?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
pookie4907
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 5:04 AM
As long as the chaplain refers us after the 6 sessions, our insurance will cover it.

Quoting bmcandmmh:

Oh I see. Well I think it's a big step for a man to even consider counseling so that's a very big plus for you. I think he needs a reality check from someone who is not inside the relationship. Someone who will gently help him to be more caring and affectionate with the family. Councelling can be super helpful and I'm sure you will get a lot out of the help. I would try though to find a way financially to do one session every two weeks forever though because it sounds like he needs a little push sometimes. It's almost like he forgets himself. So if you can do more sessions than 6 i definetly would.
Quoting pookie4907:

No cheating. I am very fortunate to say that my husband loves me enough to at least stay faithful. But he's become a lot angrier, a lot more "nonchalant"- just an "I don't care" attitude when it comes to the family and doing things together. He's rather play his video games than spend time with us, we fight a lot, and he's done things to me that no woman should be put through (I really don't want to go into specifics). He treats the kids like they are insignificant and just in the way, and he never used to.





Quoting bmcandmmh:

If i may ask what exactly are the issues you are having? Cheating?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
TXbornmama
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 5:08 AM

well I hope that it goes great for you.You are in my thoughts.

AStitt
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 7:17 AM
:( sorry you had to go through anything bad enough you can say , as a mil spouse I can relate to the stress of deployments, you & your Hubby are in my prayers. I truly hope the counsling helps again <3


Quoting pookie4907:

No cheating. I am very fortunate to say that my husband loves me enough to at least stay faithful. But he's become a lot angrier, a lot more "nonchalant"- just an "I don't care" attitude when it comes to the family and doing things together. He's rather play his video games than spend time with us, we fight a lot, and he's done things to me that no woman should be put through (I really don't want to go into specifics). He treats the kids like they are insignificant and just in the way, and he never used to.



Quoting bmcandmmh:

If i may ask what exactly are the issues you are having? Cheating?

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
furbabymum
by Gold Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 10:36 AM

 Good luck to you today! I'm so happy your DH is going to go with you. Army guys are usually too "tough" for that.

jsmom01
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 11:41 AM
2 moms liked this

6 sessions is not enough period.  Is this squadron Chaplain a licensed therapist.... that is bologna. Go see a LCPC/LPC, or LMFT, or if you want to see someone faith based,  look for  a Licensed clinician who is also a pastoral counselor.  Love Language books are good to read as a couple as well.  They are great.  You also need someone unbiased... a squadran chaplain  is likely biased. 

I would also reccommend for you exploring mindfulness based stress reduction.  will help with anxiety. (studies show it).  Hang in there.

oscarsmom70
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 12:32 PM

Praying for you and your DH . . . and the whole family!!  

CharlotteRose
by Charlotte on Mar. 27, 2013 at 12:38 PM

 

I agree!!!

Quoting 2lilmamas:

Great move. Im sure will be a good helpful experience.


 

CharlotteRose
by Charlotte on Mar. 27, 2013 at 12:40 PM

 

I agree 6 sessions is like a quick fix - can't fix anything in such a short of a time frame...it only causes unrealistic expectations....

Quoting jsmom01:

6 sessions is not enough period.  Is this squadron Chaplain a licensed therapist.... that is bologna. Go see a LCPC/LPC, or LMFT, or if you want to see someone faith based,  look for  a Licensed clinician who is also a pastoral counselor.  Love Language books are good to read as a couple as well.  They are great.  You also need someone unbiased... a squadran chaplain  is likely biased. 

I would also reccommend for you exploring mindfulness based stress reduction.  will help with anxiety. (studies show it).  Hang in there.


 

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