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So he showed up with paper work… need advice!!! ****UPDATE****

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After all that has happened in the last couple months (getting pregnant, moving across state to be with DH, finding out he was having an affair 2 days after I got here) he shows up this morning at 5am. He said we needed to talk so I let him in. He went straight to my room and sat on the bed. With me not feeling good (being pregnant) I laid down and listened to him…

He proved to me that he is not with the other girl anymore and has not seen her in over a week
and finally called it off with her 4 days ago. Then he handed me papers for marriage counseling he already signed us up for it and he has already seen the counselor for himself. He apologized for everything admitted all of his wrong doings to me and asked me for a second chance.

Should I do it? This is the first time DH and I have ever been through something like this. We have a lot of ups and downs in our relationship but never this. I just don't know if I can trust him to change or not. I'm so confused

Thank you all for your advice… this is a struggle for me because I do love him with all my heart. I'm going to take it slow and keep my main focuse on my children and my health. If things with DH and I go somewhere then so be if not then so be it. I guess now all I can do is sit and wait to see if he changes.
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by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 10:35 AM
Replies (11-20):
nicole2884
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 10:54 AM
I would try an go an give it a chance an 6-9 mths if there was still no improvement id throw in the towel
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furbabymum
by Gold Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 10:54 AM

 I understand. When I was working it out with my DH I wasn't fully committed again for months. I was more a detached observer watching what he was doing and assessing it all.

It is a personal choice. Not everyone can get over something like this. It was worth it to me though.

Quoting Ruffnekwife87:

When all this first started he asked me what it would take to save this and told him counseling for him and us but his exact words were "fuck that I don't need that shit" that's why I was surprised when he showed up with the papers that he already signed us up. I have a list of things that he needs to do or this won't work but I'm just not sure I want to do this. He's already trying to prove to me he wants to work this out but I'm not sure I want to try anymore the pain and hurt he caused not just to me but my 8 year old son is not ok


Quoting furbabymum:

 That's totally up to you. I'd be getting a hell of a lot more active if I were you though. I'd go to counseling with a list of greivances and demands. I'd lay it ALL out for him. I'd want him to know that in no way will I ever EVER tolerate this behavior again. My DH would know that he's going to be forgiven this once and if he ever does it again I'll cut him off at the kneecaps. Then I'd have the demands and he'd better meet them all or I wasn't sticking around. He's got to konw you aren't some doormat he can keep wiping his feet on. He's got to know that you are strong and you don't need him.


So on that note go to individual counseling will ya.


 

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Mar. 27, 2013 at 10:55 AM

Nothing you choose at this point is going to be easy. You've got a tough road ahead no matter what you decide to do. Good luck. You have to do what is best for you.

Vilma1979
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 10:59 AM
Omg sweetheart my heart totally goes out to u . This such a hard decision u are going to have to make . You are going to go threw a bunch of emotions being num sadness anger revenge if u want to talk I'm so here for u it's hard but please keep your head up it's just begun I went threw this a year ago and can I tell u I still get pissed off do u have FB ?
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amanda81919
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 11:12 AM

if it was me, id try. give him the chance to try and make up for it, including night runs to the store for chocolate just because. if hes done with her than id definatly give him one more chance, but under restrictions. 

mrsfitz05
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 11:18 AM

 If it were me, I'd have to try since he's making an effort. I would be completely honest with him about your doubts. I think I'd forever wonder "what if" if I didn't try.

TattedReader
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 11:20 AM
2 moms liked this
Yeh now that his dirty little secret is out in the open, why wouldn't he? I'm not sure I'd ever be able to trust my DH again. My dad cheated on my mom when I was 16, they seperated, then got back together but eventually divorced because all trust was lost. It's not that I'd even be worrying non stop about him doing it again, I'd probably just wouldn't be able to get past the fact that he did do it enough to make our marriage work. My DH knows that is the only thing he could do to end our marriage.


Quoting Luv.My.Kidz:

He's trying... it's hard to get over a cheating spouse... but it looks like he's trying to resolve everything with you! I would do it because he's showing effort!


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Mom2wife1
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 12:07 PM

That's good he is trying to prove to you he's willing to work on the marriage. Of course it's going to be hard for you to trust him, that takes time. I would say give it a shot if you want to fix the marriage. Atleast try it and see if you can get over the past. 

mommadana
by Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 12:17 PM

 If he wants to do counseling, I would do it even if it's for me to have a safe place to vent.  If it can't be worked out between you two, you at least have the support to each work through all of your feelings. 

gabyangy
by Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 12:47 PM

Its only been four days that he called it off with her, take your time.

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