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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

So he showed up with paper work… need advice!!! ****UPDATE****

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After all that has happened in the last couple months (getting pregnant, moving across state to be with DH, finding out he was having an affair 2 days after I got here) he shows up this morning at 5am. He said we needed to talk so I let him in. He went straight to my room and sat on the bed. With me not feeling good (being pregnant) I laid down and listened to him…

He proved to me that he is not with the other girl anymore and has not seen her in over a week
and finally called it off with her 4 days ago. Then he handed me papers for marriage counseling he already signed us up for it and he has already seen the counselor for himself. He apologized for everything admitted all of his wrong doings to me and asked me for a second chance.

Should I do it? This is the first time DH and I have ever been through something like this. We have a lot of ups and downs in our relationship but never this. I just don't know if I can trust him to change or not. I'm so confused

Thank you all for your advice… this is a struggle for me because I do love him with all my heart. I'm going to take it slow and keep my main focuse on my children and my health. If things with DH and I go somewhere then so be if not then so be it. I guess now all I can do is sit and wait to see if he changes.
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by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 10:35 AM
Replies (21-30):
Vcoskey
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 12:50 PM
If there's even a remote possibility in your head that you want this to work - do the counseling. In the end, it's not going to HURT anything - and at least you can say you tried. That's better than cutting him out and spending ANY amount of time wondering "what if..."

Good luck momma. Follow your <3!
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OHgirlinCA
by Silver Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 12:52 PM

I would be very skeptical, but he certainly is taking the steps necessary to show you he wants to work on your marriage.  It's up to you if you think you can get past this or not.  If it were me, I'd probably at least try counseling and base my final decision on whether to fight for the marriage or not based on his actions.

lillybug222
by Silver Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 1:00 PM
I think marriage is worth saving. I would do everything in my power to make it work.
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TommyAbby
by Melissa on Mar. 27, 2013 at 1:11 PM

Go. what have you got to lose?


rbailey2414
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 1:12 PM

he is your DH...I would do it.

charity62
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 1:47 PM

 if it was me i would at least go to marriage counseling with him and see if it make thing better  nothing else

Gmgej
by Michele on Mar. 27, 2013 at 3:21 PM

Ok I have been married a long time and have never faced anything like this, and I am so sorry you are having to face this. You dh has taken steps many men never do, to me that shows promise. If it were me I would try, probably as a onlooker for awhile, with some pretty strict hard lines. In the long run you dont want to not give it 110% before walking away, many marriages become stronger when overcoming infedility.

dearg76
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 4:03 PM

I frankly would - it shows you that he is trying to make this work. Frankly if my husband out of the blue said we needed to see a counselor I would because he thought we needed to. If you want to succeed in your marriage you do what is necessary, 

rockinmomto2
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 4:09 PM

I'd say go to at least one session with the therapist. See if you feel differently. And get your son involved for some family counseling as well. You've both been hurt and you both need to be able to express that in a safe environment.

boshs1andonly
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 4:14 PM

I agree with all of this. Anyone can sign up for counseling, but he needs to do the work, or what's the point. Lay it all out and tell him, this is what it will take, if you're not willing to do that, then I guess we're done. 

Quoting furbabymum:

 That's totally up to you. I'd be getting a hell of a lot more active if I were you though. I'd go to counseling with a list of greivances and demands. I'd lay it ALL out for him. I'd want him to know that in no way will I ever EVER tolerate this behavior again. My DH would know that he's going to be forgiven this once and if he ever does it again I'll cut him off at the kneecaps. Then I'd have the demands and he'd better meet them all or I wasn't sticking around. He's got to konw you aren't some doormat he can keep wiping his feet on. He's got to know that you are strong and you don't need him.

So on that note go to individual counseling will ya.


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