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So he showed up with paper work… need advice!!! ****UPDATE****

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After all that has happened in the last couple months (getting pregnant, moving across state to be with DH, finding out he was having an affair 2 days after I got here) he shows up this morning at 5am. He said we needed to talk so I let him in. He went straight to my room and sat on the bed. With me not feeling good (being pregnant) I laid down and listened to him…

He proved to me that he is not with the other girl anymore and has not seen her in over a week
and finally called it off with her 4 days ago. Then he handed me papers for marriage counseling he already signed us up for it and he has already seen the counselor for himself. He apologized for everything admitted all of his wrong doings to me and asked me for a second chance.

Should I do it? This is the first time DH and I have ever been through something like this. We have a lot of ups and downs in our relationship but never this. I just don't know if I can trust him to change or not. I'm so confused

Thank you all for your advice… this is a struggle for me because I do love him with all my heart. I'm going to take it slow and keep my main focuse on my children and my health. If things with DH and I go somewhere then so be if not then so be it. I guess now all I can do is sit and wait to see if he changes.
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by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 10:35 AM
Replies (31-40):
Bigmetalchicken
by Bronze Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 4:16 PM

You are the only person that can answer that.  However, if it was me, and there was no residual mistakes from his affair (like a child with the woman), I would not feel right ending it without exhausting every single effort to save my marriage.  Not for him, but for my own piece of mind.

mama.samm.2.3
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 4:25 PM
Honestly I wouldn't ever be able to trust him again. So therefore if it were me it would be a waste of time to try and work it out. To me cheating is the ultimate game over factor. But at the end of the day you have to follow your heart. Do what feels right to you. Nobody but you can make this choice. Good luck!
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xoxRachelxox
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 4:26 PM

You have to decide if being hurt again is worth it. 

You could give him a second chance and hope it doesn't happen again but I wouldn't be too shocked if it does. 

LClark1973
by Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 4:52 PM

I agree with this, no matter which road you choose it is going to be difficult. Hopefully though you can fix what is broken. If you go it will be tough. If you stay it will be a long road. Hopefully though you can work together, and meet in the middle. 


Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Nothing you choose at this point is going to be easy. You've got a tough road ahead no matter what you decide to do. Good luck. You have to do what is best for you.


Krysden
by Platinum Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 6:41 PM

If you want things to work then absolutely do it.  He is showing you that he's taking the steps to try to repair what he broke.  It won't be a quick fix, he will have to EARN your trust back.   Good Luck no mattter what you decide.

eatyourveges
by Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 6:43 PM
If even the smallest but of you wants it to work I suggest going to the counseling. If in the end it doesn't work, at least you will know you didn't let your marriage go without a fight.


Quoting Ruffnekwife87:

That's my worry is that I will never trust him again. In a way I want it to work but I'm scared




Quoting lanceandhailey:

 I would never be able to trust him again.



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catrig
by Bronze Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 6:58 PM

Have you guys had problems besides this other woman?  Have their been others?  I'm not saying it's her fault, I'm just trying to gauge the situation.

Mommyfish831
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 7:05 PM

 My honest opinion, being that I have been in your exact situation.  Right now is not the time to make a decision either way.  I would suggest telling him that you are not sure of your feelings about the situation right now.  Counseling is a good idea, but I do not suggest separate houses but separate rooms.  You could go through this and start fixing things or eventually decide you don't want to stay with him.  I am sorry that is not a direct answer but its the best I can tell you.  This situation is really really horrible and right now you are in the mix of it.  Eventually with time you will see if it will work or not. 

My heart goes out to you, I am so sorry.  If I can be any help please don't hesitate to ask. 

Schmiddy
by New Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 7:08 PM

I would give the counseling a chance.  If my ex had wanted to do counseling (we went once and he declared it stupid and wasnt going anymore) who knows? Anyway, its your marriage, which is a big thing.  Fight for it.  If it doesnt turn out right or he starts up again, then you can leave without wondering what if.  However, if you already know in your heart you are done with him then take this opportunity to get out now. I gave mine a second chance, 3 years worth.  I do not regret it because I ended up with my second child, and I know in my heart I did everything that I could to save my marriage.

sstripedmonkey
by Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 7:09 PM
That's totally up to you, but if that was me, I'd be showing him the door, there's no forgiveness from me
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