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So he showed up with paper work… need advice!!! ****UPDATE****

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After all that has happened in the last couple months (getting pregnant, moving across state to be with DH, finding out he was having an affair 2 days after I got here) he shows up this morning at 5am. He said we needed to talk so I let him in. He went straight to my room and sat on the bed. With me not feeling good (being pregnant) I laid down and listened to him…

He proved to me that he is not with the other girl anymore and has not seen her in over a week
and finally called it off with her 4 days ago. Then he handed me papers for marriage counseling he already signed us up for it and he has already seen the counselor for himself. He apologized for everything admitted all of his wrong doings to me and asked me for a second chance.

Should I do it? This is the first time DH and I have ever been through something like this. We have a lot of ups and downs in our relationship but never this. I just don't know if I can trust him to change or not. I'm so confused

Thank you all for your advice… this is a struggle for me because I do love him with all my heart. I'm going to take it slow and keep my main focuse on my children and my health. If things with DH and I go somewhere then so be if not then so be it. I guess now all I can do is sit and wait to see if he changes.
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by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 10:35 AM
Replies (51-60):
pinkcsmtlgy
by Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 7:24 AM

I think yu should at least give it a try. If you don't I'm afraid you'll never know if you could have worked things out.

LilliesValley
by Bronze Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 7:35 AM
If you can move beyond the broken trust and give him a fair shake at it, then yes stay. But if you are going to constantly bring this up to him or even yourself then leave.

I personally couldn't get past someone cheating on me, I would be constantly wondering if he was doing it again and making us both miserable. That's why when dh and I were dating first date actually, I said you cheat I'm gone. I'm not willing to work beyond that.

You just need to really think about can you get past it and rebuild the trust. Counseling is great, but if you just go and sit there then thats not doing anything. How will you handle email, texts messages and phone calls? Will he given you open access to everything? Do you need that access? There's just so many questions like that, that I personally wouldn't be able to work on or through with someone who cheated on me. I don't see the need to put in that sort of effort for someone who blew off our relationship so easily. That's all compounded by the fact that you were pregnant. But this is your life, only you can answer what your limit is, everyones is different. My sil has been cheated on several times by her husband, why she stays I have no idea. But her life, her truth. Same for you. Good luck.
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CutieCrab
by Bronze Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 7:36 AM

No one can tell you what to do hon. Its what you feel in your heart. I say take time to your self...  Close your eyes, and think about what you really want?  Do you feel you'll never trust this man again? Or could you move past it?

Madismom29
by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 7:52 AM

Do marriage counseling. It will take a long time for you to truly forgive him for the affair but at least give counseling a chance

suzyma14
by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 8:29 AM
It was crushing blow to me when my SO did it to me. He gave me reasons, none excused the sex. Made him take responsibility for his part. He did everything to make it up to me, and us. It took a very long time to trust him and not feel anxiety when he was on the phone. He had to convince me that he is with me and how sorry he hurt me and gave up. Overall, we are ok, I'm very strong (its amazing how an affair can make you that way). I dont cower, or afraid to speak my mind. If you feel that your marriage is worth saving, then do it. If yoy forgive him, forgive 100% , if you cant, then give yourself time, your not the one who cheated, so you should not rush to trust or forgive. He needs to make the genuine effort to gain your trust and forgiveness. Especially since your having a baby. He needs to find why he falteted, he needs to find his true heart. You need to find yours. I will pray for your family, for uour peace, and your baby.
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1stTimeMom1982
by Bronze Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 11:27 AM
Yes if your interested in saving your marriage.
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Kitty_Myrick
by Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 2:46 PM

Yes, marriage counseling is a vary good idea

Serenity7
by Platinum Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 3:37 PM

 Trust is a risk. You have to decide for yourself if you want to do it or not. Since it is your life

allthatjazz251
by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 3:39 PM
You have a chance to save your marriage. Take it.
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AnGLInterrupted
by Kendall on Mar. 28, 2013 at 4:37 PM

You have to do what YOU feel is right for YOUR family.  Good luck sweetie.  (hugs)

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