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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Fell out of love with my husband, in love with someone else.

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I've been with my husband for over 10 years, and married 8 in July.  Over the past 2 years, I've felt a disconnection with him.  Looking back, I don't believe I was ever in love with him and just settled.  Sex is about once a month, if anything, but even when we are intimate, I feel disgust, and I think he can tell, but doesn't say anything.  We have a semi open relationship, where he lets me have a girlfriend, or be with girls. We're both ok with this because they are girls, and he feels I will never leave him for another girl.  Those were his words exactly.  Anyways, I'm not really into girls as much as I need a man.  Long story short, I'm part of an online chat community and met a guy.  We talked as friends before, and he recently confessed his attraction towards me.  He said he would like to ask me out, but knows i'm married.  My reply was... ok, and?   It took him by surprise.  I talked to him how I've been unhappy with my husband, how he neglects me, how his friends come first, his band comes first, and how he's very selfish in many ways, and I feel more like his room mate than his actual wife.  We text and talk on the phone, and have met a few times.  This guy is WONDEFUL.  He's 12 years old than me, divorced, and such a gentleman.  He holds doors, lets me order first, treats me like a princess.  I've fallen in love with this guy, and I want to be with him.  Problem is, I'm scared to death on how to let my husband know that my love for him is non existent, what will happen to the kids, how will they react.  I'm just tired of feeling unwanted, not desireable, and this man gives me what I need.  help. :( 

by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 5:49 PM
Replies (11-20):
sdbcoach
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 6:21 PM

You say you love your husband. Look into working on your 10 yr. marriage, especially with kids involved. Imago Therapy anyone? It really works in reconnecting when your lost in your relationship - at any stage. Good luck. I have no judgement. You will do what you think is best for your family.

furbabymum
by Gold Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 6:37 PM

 You are always beating me to it. Dang it!!!

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Wow. This is pretty skanky behavior. 

 

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Mar. 27, 2013 at 6:42 PM
1 mom liked this
We're just on the same wavelength. I can feel your displeasure from 3 states away lol.

Quoting furbabymum:

 You are always beating me to it. Dang it!!!


Quoting ReadWriteLuv:


Wow. This is pretty skanky behavior. 


 

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NDADanceMom
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 6:43 PM
3 moms liked this

this is how decent folk handle it-  When you are losing the spark initially you make a plan.  Start a hobby together and figure out how to work on things.

If that doesnt work you start counseling and if that doesnt work you go for a trial separation.  If you find that you are better off apart you get a divorce and then you look for a new relationship. 

See how that works? 

boshs1andonly
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 6:43 PM
5 moms liked this

He's not a gentleman if he's hitting on married women. Real mean respect relationships, not just happy ones.

zanderNerynMOM
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 6:49 PM

You need to be honest with your husband first. Before you get involved with another man.

Anryan
by Platinum Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 6:50 PM
2 moms liked this

lol i was thinking the same thing, your good at beating me to the punch lol

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

We're just on the same wavelength. I can feel your displeasure from 3 states away lol.

Quoting furbabymum:

 You are always beating me to it. Dang it!!!


Quoting ReadWriteLuv:


Wow. This is pretty skanky behavior. 


 


pittymama
by Silver Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 6:52 PM

Feeling disconnected from your husband shouldn't mean you run off and meet someone else. You end it FIRST, if that's the way you want to go. This is just terrible. Imagine how you would feel if your husband did this to you.. disrespect at it's finest.

Anryan
by Platinum Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 6:55 PM
3 moms liked this


Quoting va11ey.gir1:

I've been with my husband for over 10 years, and married 8 in July.  Over the past 2 years, I've felt a disconnection with him.  Looking back, I don't believe I was ever in love with him and just settled.  Sex is about once a month, if anything, but even when we are intimate, I feel disgust, and I think he can tell, but doesn't say anything.  We have a semi open relationship, where he lets me have a girlfriend, or be with girls. We're both ok with this because they are girls, and he feels I will never leave him for another girl.  Those were his words exactly. 

this should have been a flag to you that he wasn't actually ok with the whole open marrige thing just didn't want to deal with it.  Seen that tons in the poly world and it always backfires.  You guys should have talked more about it.

Anyways, I'm not really into girls as much as I need a man.  Long story short, I'm part of an online chat community and met a guy.  We talked as friends before, and he recently confessed his attraction towards me.  He said he would like to ask me out, but knows i'm married.  My reply was... ok, and? It took him by surprise.  I talked to him how I've been unhappy with my husband, how he neglects me, how his friends come first, his band comes first, and how he's very selfish in many ways, and I feel more like his room mate than his actual wife.  We text and talk on the phone, and have met a few times.  This guy is WONDEFUL.  He's 12 years old than me, divorced, and such a gentleman.  He holds doors, lets me order first, treats me like a princess.  I've fallen in love with this guy, and I want to be with him. 

the grass is never, ever greener on the other side of the fence when you are still sitting in your own fenced in yard.  You find him amazing because you are getting all those wonderful, girly, yummy feelings  you get when you get into a new relationship, there is even a term for it New Relationship Energy..look it up, it's true.  So of course he seems like heavan on earth right here for you.  BAD BAD IDEA.  You have a 10 yr marriage that you have allowed to fail...yes you, not only you but you had a part in it.  If you aren't woman enough to pull yourself up and either work on it or get out you deserve all the BULLSHIT you reign down on yourself.  You are hurting people and that is wrong on many, many levels.  Be a real woman and deal or get out.

Problem is, I'm scared to death on how to let my husband know that my love for him is non existent, what will happen to the kids, how will they react.  I'm just tired of feeling unwanted, not desireable, and this man gives me what I need.  help. :( 


Anryan,

Wife to.....

  David    and   Irish

TommyAbby
by Melissa on Mar. 27, 2013 at 7:10 PM
2 moms liked this


of course all the responses I would have put down were done while I was out shopping..   -_-

Anywho...

Leave your husband and let him find a woman who actually loves him and doesn't just put up with him. I honestly don't think you care too much what he or your kids think. You are already out the door. 



Quoting Anryan:

lol i was thinking the same thing, your good at beating me to the punch lol

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

We're just on the same wavelength. I can feel your displeasure from 3 states away lol.

Quoting furbabymum:

 You are always beating me to it. Dang it!!!


Quoting ReadWriteLuv:


Wow. This is pretty skanky behavior. 


 




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