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Fell out of love with my husband, in love with someone else.

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I've been with my husband for over 10 years, and married 8 in July.  Over the past 2 years, I've felt a disconnection with him.  Looking back, I don't believe I was ever in love with him and just settled.  Sex is about once a month, if anything, but even when we are intimate, I feel disgust, and I think he can tell, but doesn't say anything.  We have a semi open relationship, where he lets me have a girlfriend, or be with girls. We're both ok with this because they are girls, and he feels I will never leave him for another girl.  Those were his words exactly.  Anyways, I'm not really into girls as much as I need a man.  Long story short, I'm part of an online chat community and met a guy.  We talked as friends before, and he recently confessed his attraction towards me.  He said he would like to ask me out, but knows i'm married.  My reply was... ok, and?   It took him by surprise.  I talked to him how I've been unhappy with my husband, how he neglects me, how his friends come first, his band comes first, and how he's very selfish in many ways, and I feel more like his room mate than his actual wife.  We text and talk on the phone, and have met a few times.  This guy is WONDEFUL.  He's 12 years old than me, divorced, and such a gentleman.  He holds doors, lets me order first, treats me like a princess.  I've fallen in love with this guy, and I want to be with him.  Problem is, I'm scared to death on how to let my husband know that my love for him is non existent, what will happen to the kids, how will they react.  I'm just tired of feeling unwanted, not desireable, and this man gives me what I need.  help. :( 

by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 5:49 PM
Replies (21-30):
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 7:22 PM

The grass always seems greener on the other side, you have meet someone new its exciting, I get it, 10 yrs is a long time to just let advice, leave this guy alone, get some marriage counseling , try to work on your marriage, good luck :)

by Michele on Mar. 27, 2013 at 7:30 PM
2 moms liked this

Help with what? You actually pissed me off with a post, wow thats a first.

by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 11:41 PM
2 moms liked this

I personally consider anything online or you meeting this guy cheating, but that dosent mean your marriage cannot be repaired, we fall out of love when we dont tend to each others needs its easy for someone to temporarily fill that void when you havent felt loved or cherished etc.  but counseling,  etc can get you back to a great couple, if thats not what you want and your already out the door, be honest and seperate. 

by Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 11:49 PM
All I can say is the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

And just so you know, if this guy is talking to you, meeting up with you, etc. He is anything but a gentleman. It seems like instead of wanting to work on your marriage, you are wanting to trade it in for something you think is better. You're already cheating on your DH, how would he feel about that?
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by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 12:05 AM

I guess others have kind of already said this but......

Dont leave your husband for another guy. Leave for you. If youhave no desire to fix your marriage then be honest and tell him. But think about it. If before this new guy "won you over" were you wanting to fix the marriage? If so, that tells you that you are just in the excitement of a new guy, and you need to take a step back and look over everything. And it would probably be best to let him go and tend to your marriage instead. And I say this because any guy can act like "the best guy in the world" when he knows your hurting and thats how to get you on his side. Not saying thats what this guy is doing, but you truely do not know.

And if you are actually asking how to tell your husband you want to leave, rather than asking what you should do about the new guy, you just need to tell him. There is NO easy way to do so. Just be honest, that you are no loner in love, and you feel it is time to move on.

But again, dont leave for this guy. This new guy should have absolutely no sway in whether you leave your husband or not. It needs to be solely for you (and your kids).

by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 12:26 AM

The worse thing you could have done is start a relationship while still married.. But let me address the open relationship issue. Really??/ Your marraige is not a marraige if you decided to have an open relationship. At that what if your kids find out? How will they look at you when they find out that their mom has been sleepin with other women but yet love men. I'm sorry but you made your bed and now gotta lie in it. It is on both you your husband. You guys need to sit and talk about what you wanna do, sleeping with other people will only make the problem worse. I must say you are making very poor and  irresponsible descisions. Sounds like to me you need to get hat divorce and be alone for a while, you might only be in love with him because you think that how he treats you is better than how your husband does which can completely change as soon as you are free.. Be man free and enjoy life..

by Bronze Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 12:28 AM

I understand how you feel but this is messy as hell.

by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 12:28 AM

You should tell your husband ASAP before things get even uglier. 

by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 12:31 AM
Omg I have a friend who is going threw the SAME exact problem right now !!
Hey maybe it's you!
by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 12:49 AM

grass is always greener on the other side then you realize that crap is just a fake imposter............the man is not a gentleman if he is with a married woman- he is scum, he seems like what you want until you leave the man you really love...................wakeup and ditch the open relationship.................if you are so concerned about your children, you wouldn't have gotten yourself in this mess, work on your marriage.

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