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Fell out of love with my husband, in love with someone else.

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I've been with my husband for over 10 years, and married 8 in July.  Over the past 2 years, I've felt a disconnection with him.  Looking back, I don't believe I was ever in love with him and just settled.  Sex is about once a month, if anything, but even when we are intimate, I feel disgust, and I think he can tell, but doesn't say anything.  We have a semi open relationship, where he lets me have a girlfriend, or be with girls. We're both ok with this because they are girls, and he feels I will never leave him for another girl.  Those were his words exactly.  Anyways, I'm not really into girls as much as I need a man.  Long story short, I'm part of an online chat community and met a guy.  We talked as friends before, and he recently confessed his attraction towards me.  He said he would like to ask me out, but knows i'm married.  My reply was... ok, and?   It took him by surprise.  I talked to him how I've been unhappy with my husband, how he neglects me, how his friends come first, his band comes first, and how he's very selfish in many ways, and I feel more like his room mate than his actual wife.  We text and talk on the phone, and have met a few times.  This guy is WONDEFUL.  He's 12 years old than me, divorced, and such a gentleman.  He holds doors, lets me order first, treats me like a princess.  I've fallen in love with this guy, and I want to be with him.  Problem is, I'm scared to death on how to let my husband know that my love for him is non existent, what will happen to the kids, how will they react.  I'm just tired of feeling unwanted, not desireable, and this man gives me what I need.  help. :( 

by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 5:49 PM
Replies (31-40):
Chocolatediva81
by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 2:33 AM
3 moms liked this
And some women say there are no good men.I hear you complaining about simple stuff I haven't heard he cheats,hits me,doesn't support his kids!!!Helllo chicks like you fuck it up for a good woman that knows what to do to keep her man interested,and want to say screw hanging with the band I'm doing home to screw my wifes brains out.Maybe you suck in bed or better yet don't suck it enough to keep that mans attention.Get your shit together!!!!
Quoting TommyAbby:


of course all the responses I would have put down were done while I was out shopping..   -_-

Anywho...

Leave your husband and let him find a woman who actually loves him and doesn't just put up with him. I honestly don't think you care too much what he or your kids think. You are already out the door. 



Quoting Anryan:

lol i was thinking the same thing, your good at beating me to the punch lol

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

We're just on the same wavelength. I can feel your displeasure from 3 states away lol.

Quoting furbabymum:

 You are always beating me to it. Dang it!!!


Quoting ReadWriteLuv:


Wow. This is pretty skanky behavior. 


 





JennPearce
by Jenn! on Mar. 28, 2013 at 2:37 AM
Please be honest with your husband. You've invested 10 years with this man and if you have any respect for him at all, you'll figure out what you're doing before you destroy your family any further. The grass may seem greener but it's a new relationship so of course it's going well. Regardless if it's "harmless" to you, it's still adultery & it's not right.
2m2t
by Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 7:14 AM
1 mom liked this
I don't want to be unsupportive but... I would not divorce my husband for another man. If I would get to a point where I did everything possible for my marriage and nothing worked, I would divorce and be single for a while, I would need some time to rebuilt myself.

I would also try to find other qualities in a man than holding the door, allowing me to order first or making me feel like a princess. This is just learned behavior to impress women, there is no guarantee that this is the real him. Plus, why do you think he invited you out knowing that you are still married? Does he seem honest and well intended by doing it? Does he seem to respect your marriage or marriage in general? Do you think that by divorcing your husband and being with this man you would be reallly happy?

I am not saying these things as critique but... you need some critical thinking before telling your husband such a thing.


Quoting va11ey.gir1:I've been with my husband for over 10 years, and married 8 in July.  Over the past 2 years, I've felt a disconnection with him.  Looking back, I don't believe I was ever in love with him and just settled.  Sex is about once a month, if anything, but even when we are intimate, I feel disgust, and I think he can tell, but doesn't say anything.  We have a semi open relationship, where he lets me have a girlfriend, or be with girls. We're both ok with this because they are girls, and he feels I will never leave him for another girl.  Those were his words exactly.  Anyways, I'm not really into girls as much as I need a man.  Long story short, I'm part of an online chat community and met a guy.  We talked as friends before, and he recently confessed his attraction towards me.  He said he would like to ask me out, but knows i'm married.  My reply was... ok, and?   It took him by surprise.  I talked to him how I've been unhappy with my husband, how he neglects me, how his friends come first, his band comes first, and how he's very selfish in many ways, and I feel more like his room mate than his actual wife.  We text and talk on the phone, and have met a few times.  This guy is WONDEFUL.  He's 12 years old than me, divorced, and such a gentleman.  He holds doors, lets me order first, treats me like a princess.  I've fallen in love with this guy, and I want to be with him.  Problem is, I'm scared to death on how to let my husband know that my love for him is non existent, what will happen to the kids, how will they react.  I'm just tired of feeling unwanted, not desireable, and this man gives me what I need.  help. :( 
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Mrs.Fields05
by Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 7:22 AM
Hmm,as someone who has been at the ass end of an affair...I'm just going to LIKE all the comments,that say what I can't say "tastefully"......
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CutieCrab
by Bronze Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 7:39 AM

 You talk to your husband and seek counseling. You should do those things before running into another man's arms....

Madismom29
by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 7:50 AM

You married your husband for a reason. You have convinced youself that you had "settled". You said your wedding vows and you are forsaking those vows now. Your husband needs to be #1, not some guy you met online. How would you feel if your husband was talking to another woman behind your back?

You and your husband need to sit and have a long talk. If divorce is the answer, then so be it. But don't be unfaithful. That goes against the sanctity of marriage. If you and DH don't want a divorce then you both need to put in equal effort to fix this. You married your husband for a reason, you loved him enough to marry him and vow to love him for the rest of your life.You didnt vow to love him when it was easy and cheat on him when you didnt feel like his world revolved around you.

Being a child of divorce because my mom couldnt be faithful, I will tell you that I still resent my birthmom for hurting my father, my siblings and myself the way she did, all for another mans attention. You need to tell your husband everything. You are the one to blame in all this, you started the affair with this other man, you sought out the attention, you should have went to your husband for it. Doesnt matter how busy he is, you are his wife and you are supposed to be there for him no matter what.

dinc
by Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 9:43 AM
1 mom liked this

The grass often looks greener on the other side of the fence.  Work on your marriage.  Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel.  Tell him what you feel is missing and ask him for his inputs. 

Love isn't so much a feeling as a choice.  Do you show your husband love?  Treat him the way you want him to treat you.  Maybe it is over but unless you give your husband a chance to step up and fix things, you will never know.

It is easy for the other guy to be good to you.  He doesn't deal with you on a daily basis.  What does it say about him that he is willing to go out with a married woman.  If he is willing to be with you then if you were to marry him, he would probably be willing to do this to you also. 

Fix what you have or leave it before starting something else.  Your family deserves better.

briebaby123
by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 9:58 AM
3 moms liked this

I was going to reply in anger...because this is EXACTLY what my mother did to us.
Instead, i'll let you know what happens :
You divorce, you ruin your relationship with your kids, the guy turns out to be like EVERY OTHER GUY, you miss your ex, you become depressed and fat, and SETTLE for another man who you fight with at least twice a week.
All because you didn't go to counseling and talk with your husband and let him know your needs/wants/desires.
He may need to hear it from another person in order to get it. But he'll get it if you give him a chance.

thatislife
by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 10:15 AM

A man who is taking up with a married woman is no gentleman.  Your kids will do very bad with a relationship that ends with you having an affair.  If your marriage is not right get out of that first long before you start up with others.

nsparky1964
by Bronze Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 11:02 AM
Emotional affairs are more deadly to a relationship that just a physical one..if you're that unhappy with hubby LEAVE and let him find happiness too...you're stringing along your husband, playing with another man, you're an adult for crying out loud, quit the game playing, and either divorce your husband, or end it with the other guy..man up for christ sake...


Quoting va11ey.gir1:

i didn't want to think it was an affair, since there hasn't been any physical contact apart from a hug... but emotional affair seems just as bad. :(  I still love my husband, but its the same kind of love i have for friends, i care, but not in love. 


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