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Any counselors here?

Posted by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:19 AM
  • 8 Replies
My DH grew up with abuse in the home. He was abuesed, he watched his mother get abused, and was yelled at A LOT. He is always saying I am yelling when I am not. For EXAMPLE: I call his name from the other end of the house and he comes out angry and says stop yelling at me. And I am like I am not yelling. Or another EXAMPLE: I talk louder because the TV is blaring or whatever and he says I am yelling - and I am not. Another thing he does is he says I am freaking out when I am not as well. For EXAMPLE: If the kids spill something I will immediately clean it up and he is like stop freaking out, you're freaking out, etc. It makes me angry when he says I am doing something I am not. To me yelling is in anger and you are screaming so loud you lose your voice. and Freaking out is breathing hard and going OMG OMG OMG with eye wide open. It gets really frustrating because I feel like I can't move or say anything because he thinks i am freaking out or yelling. My question is - is there a way to get him to realize what yelling and freaking out is? I would really like some advice please. Thanks!!!
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:19 AM
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Replies (1-8):
MagicTemptation
by Christina on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:30 AM
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Maybe it is the tone of voice you are using and not so much the loudness? 

boshs1andonly
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:32 AM
1 mom liked this

I agree. My dad has a tone of voice where he always sounds like he's mad, so even if he raises his voice a little, he sounds like he's yelling and freaking out. 

Quoting MagicTemptation:

Maybe it is the tone of voice you are using and not so much the loudness? 


MrsLondon
by Bronze Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:38 AM

Maybe he needs to get help because he has ptsd from the abuse.

furbabymum
by Gold Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 10:39 AM

 Yeah, counseling. He's not going to magically get over the abuse in his past. Frankly I'm impressed he's not behaving like his father. My DH is 1 of 3 boys and they all show behavioral traits learned from their father and they aren't good let me tell ya.

Otherwise I can relate to him. My DH raises his voice and doesn't even realize it. Then I'm telling him to stop yelling and he's getting mad at me. Mostly I've just learned that he's making himself deaf and has to yell to hear himself. :P

momofsunshine77
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 2:38 PM
Thanks DH works in a loud environment and I swear he is losing some of his hearing. What is he going to do when I have to talk loud for him to hear me. LOL
Quoting furbabymum:

 Yeah, counseling. He's not going to magically get over the abuse in his past. Frankly I'm impressed he's not behaving like his father. My DH is 1 of 3 boys and they all show behavioral traits learned from their father and they aren't good let me tell ya.

Otherwise I can relate to him. My DH raises his voice and doesn't even realize it. Then I'm telling him to stop yelling and he's getting mad at me. Mostly I've just learned that he's making himself deaf and has to yell to hear himself. :P


furbabymum
by Gold Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 3:09 PM

 He'll probably be so deaf it'll sound like normal talking by then. lol

Quoting momofsunshine77:

Thanks DH works in a loud environment and I swear he is losing some of his hearing. What is he going to do when I have to talk loud for him to hear me. LOL
Quoting furbabymum:

 Yeah, counseling. He's not going to magically get over the abuse in his past. Frankly I'm impressed he's not behaving like his father. My DH is 1 of 3 boys and they all show behavioral traits learned from their father and they aren't good let me tell ya.

Otherwise I can relate to him. My DH raises his voice and doesn't even realize it. Then I'm telling him to stop yelling and he's getting mad at me. Mostly I've just learned that he's making himself deaf and has to yell to hear himself. :P


 

lillybug222
by Silver Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 3:12 PM
1 mom liked this
Watch the tone of your voice & your body language.

Perhaps your DH should see a counselor.
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emarin77
by Bronze Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 6:39 PM
1 mom liked this

It is all how he perceives your voice.  Your voice is similar to what he experienced when  younger.  I suggest not calling him from the other side of the house.  Talk to him when he is right next to you.  Your voice needs to be louder for him to hear you if you are further away from him.   

If the TV is too loud turn the volume down so you can talk.  No need for talking loudly.

For cleaning the mess that the kids made that is what you have to do and your husband should respect that.  I suggest your husband attend a therapy session with a psychologist or Clinical Social Worker.  He is showing signs of anxiety and panic toward you.  Seeing a therapist will help him learn how to deal with his past and present.

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