I'm new to cafemom, but am looking for some advice and guidance from you experienced ladies! My husband and I have been married for almost three years now, and he was overseas for one of those years. Shortly following his return home, we found out we were expecting! What I wasn't expecting was the intense PPD, which affected him as well.
When our girl was about 4 months old, my husband began to speak to girls at work outside of work (texting, FB email/IMing) and hide it from me. When I saw the conversations on our phone bill, he would lie about it..then come clean, say he wouldn't do it again and then we would be okay for about a month. Then it would happen again...He would get angry with me for being paranoid, controlling him etc. I know he was stressed from the baby and working so much, but I was going through PPD and working full time, and parenting by myself a lot due to his job. He would also work more so that he wouldn't be home with us as often, making my feelings of resentment so much worse. He acted like I didn't contribute to the house financially..which is insane.
I would talk to him about how upset I was with our relationship when we would have our monthly "blow outs" and he wouldn't offer much more than I'm sorry, and I will do better. We almost called it quits when he lied to me about going fishing with a female he works with. We decided to see a counselor and work on things, and they have been better. Until recently... I discovered that he had been planning to leave me a year ago, when this whole thing started. He had been saying things about me to his female co-worker that were untrue, and painted him a victim of unfair treatment. His whole family knew. His whole work was saying that he and this other woman were "together." Now that we are rebuilding our relationship, the doubt is overwhelming when he tells me he is being honest. I don't want to keep punishing him with my anger and resentment, but it seems relentless. I also can't help but feel I am walking a tightrope of not pushing him into the arms of someone else by holding him accountable for what he put our child and myself through.
What I want to know is how to get over this feeling of betrayal, embarassment, shame of people knowing how awful he felt about me, and the fact that he would consider leaving our child...I am working on getting through these feelings, and he is going to counseling now. I still have a hard time not thinking of this everyday, and I wonder if someone else has advice for navigating the murky waters of rebuilding trust, when it was shattered again and again. Thanks!