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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Is it wrong to ask for a bachelorette party?

I'm eloping in June with my fiancé, which means I won't have a bridal party and no one will think a out throwing me a party. I want to have a bachelorette party, but I don't want to throw it for myself. Would it be wrong to hint to people, or ask a few friends to maybe do some type of gathering for me? EDIT: Since many of you are questioning if I'm eloping or not, here's the low down. We are technically eloping because only certain people will know about it, namely our babysitter and 2 of our friends plus my grandmother at the moment. Before we leave on our honeymoon vacation, we will most likely do a court marriage, if the place we are going gives us a hassle about getting married outside of our state. My fiance and I are going to tell more of our friends that we talk to, just because we feel they should be the ones we should tell first. Yes it should be our families, but his family doesnt care if they know or not, and my family will try to sabotage us getting married, just because they hate me. That's a different story that I wont get into.

Jennifergay pride ribbon

by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 2:14 PM
Replies (31-40):
goldilocksbecky
by on Apr. 21, 2013 at 11:38 AM
5 moms liked this

Eloping means it's a secret and no one knows about it.  If no one knows you're getting married, how can the be expected to throw you a party?

If you're not actually eloping and what you really mean is that you're going to the courthouse/JOP for a private or very small ceremony (with either no guests or only a very few), then its still out of line to ask/hint or in any way expect someone else to host a party for you.  You're basically saying to them, "You're not important enough to me that I'd actually go to the trouble/expense of hosting a wedding celebration so you can share in my event, however, I'm expecting YOU to go to the trouble/expense of hosting some type of bridal/bachelorette party for me.  I can't be bothered with going though all the hoopla for you, but I still expect you to put yourself out for me. In other words, I want my friends to celebrate my marriage, but I want the expense, planning and legwork to be somebody else's problem."

I personally think if having your friends celebrate your marriage is important to you, then you need to step up and handle the responsibilities and expenses of the celebration.  Having their friends and family there to celebrate is the whole reason that people host a wedding.  

If you don't want to do a big wedding ceremony, that's fine.  Host a reception of some kind.  Even if its an informal backyard BBQ.  Or if you want just the girls, plan a girls day or bachelorette type party.  Just make sure it's very clear that YOU are HOSTING your friends, simply because you want them to help celebrate your marriage and that it's not an occasion for them to give you gifts.  

Although, I must add that a lot of people are really put out by the idea that you don't want them there to see you get married but you still expect them to show up to a party.  They feel like they are not good enough/important enough for the ceremony itself.  It's really not that hard or expensive to invite people to join you at the courthouse or set up folding chairs and have the ceremony in the backyard so that you friends and family can be there for the actual ceremony.  So if you go the "not for the ceremony, just for the receptio/party" route, don't be shocked if you catch some slack.


Jujubee12
by on Apr. 21, 2013 at 11:46 AM
1 mom liked this

you want people to throw you an expensive party, but you dont want them to be able to see you get married...sounds selfish.

I didnt even ask for a party and I was havin a standard wedding

tansyflower
by on Apr. 21, 2013 at 11:47 AM
2 moms liked this

idk my husband and i eloped and we threw a party for ourselves!  it was fun, we had all our friends meet at a bar and had wings and beer :)

ctfirsttimemom
by on Apr. 21, 2013 at 11:58 AM

My SIL "eloped."  Except, it wasn't really eloping, it was getting married and telling everyone when and where, but not inviting anyone.  She still had a shower and bachelorette.  I thought it was a little odd to have both those parties when everyone knew about the wedding, but whatever.  I wouldn't have planned them for her.  IMO if you "elope"  you're skipping all the traditional stuff, not just having your family and friends there when you exchange vows.  The wedding was local  too. 

la_bella_vita
by Bella on Apr. 21, 2013 at 12:24 PM
Why don't you discuss it with a group of friends?
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mrssummerlin
by Bronze Member on Apr. 21, 2013 at 12:33 PM
I find asking for things like bridal showers, bachelorette party's, and baby showers is super rude.

It one thing if someone offers, but unless you are throwing (and paying for it) yourself then you should expect anyone to do it for you.
That's something that a friend of mine is about to get a hard life lesson on. She is EXPECTING a bridal shower and a weekend long bachelorette party and is under some misconception that myself (who isn't even a party of her wedding party) and all of her bridesmaids can afford to pay for this. She's crazy!
Myself and at least one other bridesmaid have children and simply can't afford it, one doesn't work due to full time college, and one has a piss poor job and bills to pay. The bride is being unreasonable and simply doesn't care about the financial state of the people she is demanding things from.

I'm so glad my wedding was quick and super cheap.
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Pnukey
by Jennifer on Apr. 21, 2013 at 1:05 PM

Yes, it is wrong to ask for a party.

Idntreallycare
by on Apr. 21, 2013 at 1:12 PM

I would talk to your good friends, see if they want to get together and go bar hopping or something without it being a full-on bach. party.

Bethsunshine
by on Apr. 21, 2013 at 1:17 PM

Personally, I think it's rude to ask someone to throw a party for you, especially since you are eloping and aren't going to have a lot of people there anyway. I mean, you're asking people to throw a party for you, but they're not invited to the wedding. That's rude and inconsiderate. If you want to have a party, then throw it yourself.

RobinBright
by on Apr. 21, 2013 at 1:21 PM

Yeah, it is rude to ask someone else to throw a party for you.

It is definitely NOT rude to tell your girlfriends that you want to go out for a girls' night before the big day, and toss around some ideas-- if they are really your friends, chances are they will start planning once they know you're getting married and that you want to celebrate. 

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