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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

I need help coping

Posted by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:48 PM
  • 27 Replies
I apologize if this is long but I have been feeling like I have no one else to talk to. I am 25 weeks pregnant and having a really hard time coping with an incident that happened on my birthday the other day. My husband, lately, has been having a serious issue with his anger and jealousy even though I have been faithful to him for the 5 years we have been together and provided him with a beautiful little girl and this nugget on the way. The night of my birthday he drank too much again and started just emotionally beating me down criticizing that I wasn't "pure" when I met him and essentially insinuating I'm a slut because I had dated 3 men prior to him and wasn't a virgin. Note the conversation began when i had mentioned to my mother that a friend is friends with an ex boyfriend. The title ex boyfriend set him off. Nonstop he was insulting me as soon as everyone left. Then he took my phone away so I wouldn't call someone to talk him down and began pushing me away or on the bed to keep me in our room while he went through my phone. He wouldn't out of the room let alone out of the house to go to my mother who happens to be my neighbor. It finally reached a peek when he slapped me across the face as he yelled at me calling me crazy and demanding to know all my passwords to everything he already knows. The hit was so strong it knocked me off my feet and left me utterly stunned. i tried to run out to my mother by he blocked the door in tears saying i did this to myself because i "changed". The hit on my birthday not only physically hurt me but it emotionally destroyed me. My mother wasn't help when she finally came over, she told me to keep quiet or DCF will take my child away and i shouldnt go to the hospital to make sure the baby was okay from all of the pushing he did to keep me locked in the house. I felt and still feel utterly alone and depressed. For the past two days I'll just start crying hysterically. My husband knows what he did was beyond wrong and has sought professional help to cope with his anger issues and alcohol issues the very next morning and has tried to make it up to me but I can't bring myself to trust him completely. I'm terrified of him. I have bruises all over my arms and that hit keeps replaying in my head over and over again and I begin to hysterically cry. I love him and I'm happy he's getting professional help but I feel like I just can't get past what he did to me. How does one even recover emotionally from that? To top it off both my mom and my husband doesn't want me to tell anyone or talk to anyone about it for fear of getting him arrested and having my child taken away. I feel like I'm trapped in a dark hole that I can't get out of. Anyone move past this in their relationship? He's never been this violent or unstable until recently. He becomes two different people then comes crawling back telling me he's sorry and knows he has a problem. He wants me to do couples counseling with him on top of his therapy. I just don't know. I can't even bring myself to put my wedding ring back on and sleep in the same bed as him. I'm utterly hurt and feel like I'm alone in this. :'(
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by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
PISCIS29
by Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 1:01 AM
Idk what to say hun all I can say is that I'm here any time you need to talk. Hugs.
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Zazayam
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 1:23 AM
2 moms liked this

Idk what to say really, I'm sorry.

But first of all if you WERE to call someone they would not punish you or take your child away. If you're worried about the baby you SHOULD go to the doctor or something and get checked. What he did is not ok and it's great that he's getting help. It's up to you if you want to keep working on it... Your mom should be more supportive :(

TommyAbby
by Melissa on Apr. 6, 2013 at 4:03 AM
2 moms liked this

They would only arrest him if you pressed charges. 

They wouldn't take your child away. 


You need to see someone and I would HIGHLY suggest going with him for therapy. You will learn ways to cope with what happened and to help you move on. 


paganmommy4
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 4:16 AM

DCF will take your child because you arent protecting your child from  your abusive husband. Pregnant women get abused more and it wont stop. You need to leave him right this minute and not look back.. 

cajun_lady_swla
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 4:19 AM
They wont take your kid, but they might haul your mom down as an accessory. Quite frankly she deserves it if she thinks physical contact is ever okay regardless of the level of inebriation involved.

Him seeking help is a start, but he's got a long way to go yet. Go to the counseling with him and you'll be able to lay out all these feelings on the table. Be cautious and practice some self preservation because there's a good chance all of this is not over yet.

His hands should never touch you in anger..... Never..... Ever .... Period. You have a duty to that child of yours and the unborn to protect them from danger, and if he'll hit you who's to say the little ones won't be his next targets? Good luck and use your head! You gotta look out for you in this crazy world!!
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paganmommy4
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 4:19 AM

How the system works:

You or someone calls DHS ( do not call them yourself)

Or the police come,  you state domestic violence and CPS will come an investigate

They will ask you what are you doing to keep your children safe?

If they have an inkling that you plan to stay with him, they will remove your child because its called failure to protect

Then you will have to deal with getting your child back out of foster care and if your child is in care, they will remove your baby from the hospital because you are now viewed as a threat because you didnt protect them from your abusive husband

You will then be both court ordered to therapy, parenting classes, DV group and anger management.. 

If you want to prevent this, You need to leave RIGHT NOW... Pregnant women suffer abuse more and it DOES NOT GET BETTER

notabosley
by Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 9:55 AM
Amen, the abuse escalates, don't let this destroy you. I've been there op.

Quoting paganmommy4:

How the system works:

You or someone calls DHS ( do not call them yourself)

Or the police come,  you state domestic violence and CPS will come an investigate

They will ask you what are you doing to keep your children safe?

If they have an inkling that you plan to stay with him, they will remove your child because its called failure to protect

Then you will have to deal with getting your child back out of foster care and if your child is in care, they will remove your baby from the hospital because you are now viewed as a threat because you didnt protect them from your abusive husband

You will then be both court ordered to therapy, parenting classes, DV group and anger management.. 

If you want to prevent this, You need to leave RIGHT NOW... Pregnant women suffer abuse more and it DOES NOT GET BETTER

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paganmommy4
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 8:15 PM

I know because I am currently dealing with them and it sucks ASS.. And FYI if you get referred to A DV shelter and then decide to go home when the abuser leaves, they (DHS) doesnt take kindly to that.

Quoting notabosley:

Amen, the abuse escalates, don't let this destroy you. I've been there op.

Quoting paganmommy4:

How the system works:

You or someone calls DHS ( do not call them yourself)

Or the police come,  you state domestic violence and CPS will come an investigate

They will ask you what are you doing to keep your children safe?

If they have an inkling that you plan to stay with him, they will remove your child because its called failure to protect

Then you will have to deal with getting your child back out of foster care and if your child is in care, they will remove your baby from the hospital because you are now viewed as a threat because you didnt protect them from your abusive husband

You will then be both court ordered to therapy, parenting classes, DV group and anger management.. 

If you want to prevent this, You need to leave RIGHT NOW... Pregnant women suffer abuse more and it DOES NOT GET BETTER


Pagan, Pro-choice, Pro-vaxing, Pitbull Advocate
MomRocs1102
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 9:27 PM

I wouldn't stay and while looking at him different, i would look at mom differently as well.  That's sad im sorry this happened, but if i knew then what i know now i would be taking my own advice and packing up myself, and child to never look back.   Good Luck

Join Adorable Ladies Group, where women can have free uncensored conversations, and discussions minus the bashing and drama. 


www.cafemom.com/group/118542




ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Apr. 6, 2013 at 9:32 PM
1 mom liked this

Where is your self respect? Where is the respect for the lives of your children? 

You will never get over this. Never. Nothing he can do will make this ok.

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