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Jealous or Justified?

Posted by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 2:45 PM
  • 89 Replies

I really need some advice here. I'm teetering between crazy wife and concerned wife. I really need someone to tell me if I'm not crazy or crazy.

I have had this friend for many many years. She is married with children as am I. Went we first moved down here I would send my husband out with her since it's hard to find a babysitter and I wanted him to get out and enjoy this town. Over the last few years he invites her out to lunch pretty regularly and they get to have nice hour long converstations. Well recently her husband has had to go out of town for work. My husband goes over there once or twice a week to check up on her, bring her lunch or whatever she needs help with. I am very busy with my schedule and his schedule is super lax so she calls him when she needs something.

There have been a few times I have been completely left out. Like I will try to get a hold of her with no luck and a few hours later I will call my husband and he'll be over at her house. He always asks me if I have a problem with this and he knows it irritates me, but I'm not the type of person to restrict him on anything. It's his life too and why should he not have friendships? 

I don't know if I'm jealous about the fact that she has a great support system and when I needed a support system when my kids were young, no one was there for me. Or am I jealous that my husband does all these thoughtful things and has conversations with another woman and not me. Or am I worried that this is going to go farther than I want it to go? 

I haven't talked with her about it, because I don't want to be that person. I want to know if I'm crazy first. She has been a friend for many years and I should trust her too, right? I've told my husband in more that one situtation that it bothers me and he will either get deffensive about it  or give me the "fine, I won't see her anymore" line in an angry tone that makes me feel selfish and crazy.

What do you think?

by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 2:45 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Mommabearbergh
by Bronze Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 4:28 PM
14 moms liked this
I was raised around women so anything I say will come from what they taught me. Never ever leave another women around you man because although he might step out of line she may. You not crazy or jealous you voice is telling you something isn't okay and your not listening to it. Listen to it
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SoKamele
by Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 4:33 PM
9 moms liked this

Totally unacceptable. You threw open a door and invited major trouble into your marriage.

Do not be surprised if they have already crossed that line............you practically gave them the all go.

good luck.

KrazyLoveMommy
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 4:33 PM
This. ..
And I know I'm crazy.


Quoting Mommabearbergh:

I was raised around women so anything I say will come from what they taught me. Never ever leave another women around you man because although he might step out of line she may. You not crazy or jealous you voice is telling you something isn't okay and your not listening to it. Listen to it
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villagemamma
by Bronze Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 5:08 PM
3 moms liked this

I think that this is definitely something to start being concerned about. my husband has several female friends but we have pretty set guidelines for interactions. hes allowed to go out with them without me if there is going to more then just the two of them attending. My husband never is alone with just her in our house or hers.

I would definitely tell your husband and your friend your concern. If shes really your friend she will understand and be respectful. I really hope that nothing is happening already because i would never want anyone to go through that kind of thing but usually when nagging in the back of your head gets to loud to ignore its because something is up. Trust your instincts. Good luck

MomRocs1102
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 5:12 PM
1 mom liked this

Your friend and your man shouldnt be that close, not all women are loyal.

Join Adorable Ladies Group, where women can have free uncensored conversations, and discussions minus the bashing and drama. 


www.cafemom.com/group/118542




ProudMommy51006
by Bronze Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 5:16 PM
2 moms liked this
I think it has gone from innocent to inappropriate.
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JC2223
by Bronze Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 5:18 PM

 You gave them the opportunity and permission to carry on a friendship outside of marital boundaries. Now it's hard for them to comprehend why you would have an issue with it. I would explain to your DH that you and your home should be a priority and new boundaries need to be discussed. If you are ok with his lending a helping hand, then just explain that his focus should be on you before her. If you are close with her, I would explain that though you encouraged a friendship between them, it's getting to a point that you and your needs are being neglected and that it part of it is not acceptable.

beeky
by Alexandra on Apr. 7, 2013 at 5:22 PM
1 mom liked this

 

I have to agree with this.  Your post raised some major red flags.

Quoting SoKamele:

Totally unacceptable. You threw open a door and invited major trouble into your marriage.

Do not be surprised if they have already crossed that line............you practically gave them the all go.

good luck.


 

Ilaynasmommy
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 5:42 PM
2 moms liked this
I wouldn't go for that. Emotional relationships can form easily. It sounds fishy. I had one friend that this started with dh. I put a stop tp it quick. If its causing you worry he should have no problem not being alone with her. To dh it wasn't worth is arguing. I had one friend I would have always trusted with dh. We lost touch for 2 yrs. I still would have trusted her no problem but she came over this wk and after watching dh with our kids and hers she expressed that she was jealous. She came over a few days later to pick up a pacifier she forgot. I answered the door and gave it to her. Dh was at the end of the hallway and she kept looking at him with eyes that said what she wanted. If you listen to your gut and he gets angry at you for bringing it up your probably right.
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Ilaynasmommy
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 5:46 PM
4 moms liked this
I asked my dh for a mans opinion. He said your going to lose your man. So know you are definately absolutely not crazy.
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