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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

need advice plz

Posted by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 12:17 PM
  • 10 Replies

 well my husband and i had our 9th anniversary yesterday. im feeling like hes not wanting to b around our children and i, he seems to always wants to go do what he wants. he dose things without talking to me. the first thing that bothers me is that i had got into a car accident in town at the gas station and the ladys insurance gave me 3,200 dollars they totaled out my car and my husband took that money when i plained to buy a new car not sure what he did with that money. we got our taxes we plained to buy a new sectional instead he goes and buys a 4 wheeler without talking to me and just buys it. it seems like hes  not been coming home after work and ill call and hes at the mechanic shop in town hes been going there for a while and stays till dark. ive talk to him about it because i told him i feel a lone and that he puts him self first . he says i need to find friends or a hobbie. it just really makes me mad that he does things without talking to me, like he does stuff behind my back. im a sahm and i take care of my kids all day i take my oldest to school for half a day and we wait for him to come home. i told him how i feel and all hes says is i need to find friends or get a hobbie but i just want us to be a family and spend time together. i dont mind him helping someone out or if he wants to buy himself something, but it seems he always gone and im still waiting for him to get me a car but i dont know what else to say to make him understand that i feel like the kids and i are put last .

by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 12:17 PM
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Replies (1-10):
tihone77
by Bronze Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 12:36 PM

The first thing that comes to mind is, how are you supposed to get friends or a hobbie without transportation?  Do you live somewhere that you can walk everywhere?  I don't know about the rest, he sounds like he's being an ass and the only things I can think of right now wouldn't be very mature.

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Apr. 8, 2013 at 1:19 PM

 I'm sorry HUGS : (  He is seriously in the wrong here in various ways!

My first advice would be to sit him down and have a heart to heart talk with him but it sounds like you already did that. I would next say, that if that isn't working that you need to toughen up a little and put your foot down and stand your ground and let him know what you FULLY EXPECT to change starting immediately!

You are supposed to be a partnership and a team and make decisions TOGETHER and spend time together not live separate parallel lives and him doing stuff behind your back. If he won't listen to you and your firm new boundaries and expectations then you may need professional counseling.

YVONNE

Jeanna03
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 2:33 PM

 thank you ladies for your advice. everytime i try to tell him how i feel it seems to end up in an arrgument and he wants to take off for a while. he had this bar he use to go to awhile back playing cards. he would go shower and shaved but dosnt do that when we go out so i was thinking is he out looking for someone else or a piece we fought about it all the time and he would just walk out the door and go anyways. i feel like i cant win no matter what i do

AlannaMaria
by Alanna on Apr. 8, 2013 at 3:07 PM
I would start making plans with friends and tell him he needs to be home at a certain time so you can go hang out with your friends. Or, when he gets home, say " see you later, I'm going I hang out with my friends" good luck, I wouldn't tolerate that for a second! You need to put your foot down and demand changes!
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furbabymum
by Gold Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 3:37 PM

 If my DH took that kind of cash and blew it without my knowledge I would strangle him to death.

Ah read your reply. He's got a gambling addiction probably. I know guys around here blow a lot of money playing poker all the time. That would have to stop imo.

Otherwise it sounds like he's already out of the relationship. You need to stand up for yourself and your kids. Demand change or make the change yourself.

xoxRachelxox
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 3:50 PM

I would sit him down and say, all purchases that either of you make need to be discussed. It's only fair. 

That was your money to get a new car, he shouldn't have just spent it. 

Does he think because he is the one working that he gets all the money? If that's the case, ask him how much money he'd have if you went to work and he had to pay daycare. 

Jeanna03
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 8:32 AM

 thank you ladies for your advice i have said and thought about every reply. it gets me know where he just says i dont understand. last night he didnt come home till 2 a.m he was at the casino i knew he was cause he wouldnt answer his phone. so know idk what is going to happen next

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:24 AM

I agree completely with you needing friends and/or a hobby, but the part about him taking the insurance money is really not cool, especially if you need a new car. How did he get that money, did you give it to him? Do you share a bank account that you have full access to, or does he give you an "allowance"?

(This is partially why my husband and I keep separate money, this would never happen to me!!!)

Jeanna03
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 8:57 AM

 

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I agree completely with you needing friends and/or a hobby, but the part about him taking the insurance money is really not cool, especially if you need a new car. How did he get that money, did you give it to him? Do you share a bank account that you have full access to, or does he give you an "allowance"?

(This is partially why my husband and I keep separate money, this would never happen to me!!!)

 he just took it out of my purse but we do share a joint account i went cashed it and he asked me about it told him i cashed it and said he had plains for the money and i told him no i wast going to give it to him i need to get a car and he went digging in my purse and found it and took it from me

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Apr. 10, 2013 at 9:47 AM

You took out $3000 cash? Why on earth would you walk around with $3000 in cash? That's ridiculous.

Why did you want him to go and buy you a new car? Why couldn't you do it on your own?

More women, not just you, need to take control of their lives. Just because you are a SAHM does not mean you are a helpless little lamb, unless you allow yourself to be one. This entire situation baffles me. Grow some balls. 

Quoting Jeanna03:

 

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I agree completely with you needing friends and/or a hobby, but the part about him taking the insurance money is really not cool, especially if you need a new car. How did he get that money, did you give it to him? Do you share a bank account that you have full access to, or does he give you an "allowance"?

(This is partially why my husband and I keep separate money, this would never happen to me!!!)

 he just took it out of my purse but we do share a joint account i went cashed it and he asked me about it told him i cashed it and said he had plains for the money and i told him no i wast going to give it to him i need to get a car and he went digging in my purse and found it and took it from me


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