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Once a cheater always a cheater? Forgive or move on?

Posted by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:45 PM
  • 45 Replies

When I was seven months pregnant and my husband was being weird so when I checked his phone records there's This number that he kept talking to and texting so I ended up finding out that it was a girl. He said that it was the salespersons from work and that I shouldn't be worried about it. when I was about eight months pregnant he came home late. I just about had it I knew he was lying to me so I packed Up his stuff and kicked him out. I found a txt  talking about Sex not about them doing it but talking about the theme. is itnjjust me or is that inappropriate? Til this day he says he didn't cheat on me. He did stuff with her after we had separated, mind you a week later!!!!!!! I was depressed during the final months of my pregnancy.

i hated him. He had never done this, he had recently too go a dwi, lost his job during our seperation. 

Now he tells me how sorry he is and how much he regrets it. Mind you he's still talking to that cunt that ruined our marriage....yes yes I know.

anyway, I told him that he needs to stop talking to her if anything is going to happen btw us. If it is. I told him that I might not want to work it out. But he still agreed to stop talking to her.

as of right now, I don't see us getting back together. He hurt me way too deep, and even if I still love him, I think it's best to divorce rather than get hurt again. 

Pam I right? Or what advice is there?

by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:45 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ilovemyrileybug
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:55 PM
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To be honest if he loved you he would've been trying to make things right instead of getting busy with the cunt after you threw him out. I may have some inappropriate conversations with co workers both men and women but that's at work, I don't text other men that I work with. Thats a line I don't cross. Its sad to see a family break up but better to now before your child gets used to having daddy around. You can't stay together for the sake of your child, that can do more harm than good for child. It doesn't sound like you want him back anyway and that should tell you something. Go with your gut and good luck.
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Sophias_momma18
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:06 PM
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He states that the reason he didn't try was because I told him we were done, I told him that shouldn't have mattered he still should of. But said that he was very hurt bc I kicked him out the way I did. 

I just don't want to regret not trying again, but I don't want to go through this again because I'm finally "okay". My heart is saying one thing, but my mind is saying dont be stupid.....


and for once I think I'm going to listen to my mind instead of my heart.

Hottmomma607
by Trica on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:27 PM
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I have no advice! Either way you have to move forward with or without him! Good luck!
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bbjade
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:47 PM

I believe couples can reconcile. but trust your gut. How long have you been separated? You said this all happened in the last months of your pregnancy and your DD looks pretty young (??) so i'm guessing only a few months if that? I think you should allow yourself time to think it over and see proof of his true effort. maybe use this time to sort your own feelings and work on your self esteem/depression. And speaking from experience with my ex, with the DWI & losing his job, it sounds like he's dealing with other issues. Is that something he's ready to talk about/you're ready to handle right now? If you decide to give him a chance I would maintain separation while going to counseling. You're in a stronger position to make things work, by being separate, IMHO. GL and I'm sorry you're dealing with this ((HuGS))

Sophias_momma18
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:53 PM
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We will be separated for four months now. He just got rid of his dwi and got a really amazing job.

i agree on counseling, and that I need more time. I just dont know if it will ever work again.

Bluetick
by Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:54 PM
1 mom liked this
I would move on... Personally I have a hard time trusting men anyway so there's no way I could feel comfortable with him JMO
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bbjade
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:58 PM
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I don't know if you can ever be sure.. just a day at a time and see how it goes.

Quoting Sophias_momma18:

We will be separated for four months now. He just got rid of his dwi and got a really amazing job.

i agree on counseling, and that I need more time. I just dont know if it will ever work again.


SareyF
by Sarah on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:59 PM
1 mom liked this
If it were me, I'd be done.
Him being hurt about the way you threw him out? Seriously? Who gives a crap! He was the one doing something wrong!
A repentant man would stop all happenings with the other woman and bust his ass to try and make things right for as long as it took. He's not showing you he changed or had a temporary lapse in judgment and character. He showed you his true colors.


Quoting Sophias_momma18:

He states that the reason he didn't try was because I told him we were done, I told him that shouldn't have mattered he still should of. But said that he was very hurt bc I kicked him out the way I did. 

I just don't want to regret not trying again, but I don't want to go through this again because I'm finally "okay". My heart is saying one thing, but my mind is saying dont be stupid.....


and for once I think I'm going to listen to my mind instead of my heart.

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sweetr0se
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 12:22 AM

I've tried ot fight for my marriage after he cheated on me WITH my best friend! However, all I thought about was how he lied to me and broke my trust and sleeping in the same bed made me resent him and me crying myself to sleep, eventhough I have forgiven him and have tried to put it out of my mind. It did happen again and I wished I would have left him sooner! 


I have cheated on him (after he cheated on me) and I do beleive people can change but I don't think that you should be with someone who cheated on you because it's always going to be in the back of your mind and you won't have any peace! However, I believe you can be with someone who's cheated in the past and has changed. My boyfriend and I have both cheated in the past but we are VERY faithful to one another because we have grown and matured out of it!

Sophias_momma18
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 1:55 AM

Thank you, you are all right in some way or another.

ive been with him 5 years and this is the first time he has done something like this. The only reason I'm even considering maybe is for my daughter. We both grew up with step dads and well  I wanted her to have a family with both parents. I under stand that I shouldn't want to give him a chance just for her, but I still love him? As crazy as it sounds he is the father of my child. 

But like mentioned before, I don't know if I'll ever get over it, and it will always be in back of my mind. Forever. 

And I don't want to hold a grudge and then do it to him. It's not healthy.  It breaks my heart that things happened that way and I guess that's what breaks my heart. I stood by him through boot camp, through everything. Now it has gone through shits. I mean I wasn't no angel but I never cheated on him.

i just don't know what kind of person those this to a pregnant woman.

i think I'm done with him, but I also think I'm going to give it another month, to make sure it's what I want. 

I want to move on without any regrets, and knowing none of this is my fault. 

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