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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Are you with the right partner?

Posted by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 11:25 PM
  • 27 Replies
7 moms liked this
I saw this on FB and I really like it. It is not to bash anyone that has gotten a divorce or anything, because there are many reasons that people need to split. I just like this post. ARE YOU WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER? During a seminar, a woman asked," How do I know if I am with the right person?" The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind replied the author. Here's the answer. Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love. People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU. Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown. The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found. People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this): The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found. SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable. Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 11:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
HyrulianHeroine
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 11:27 PM
1 mom liked this
Absolutely lovely and I am with the right person. :)
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HyrulianHeroine
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 11:27 PM
1 mom liked this
Absolutely lovely and I am with the right person. :)
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Hottmomma607
by Trica on Apr. 11, 2013 at 12:25 AM
1 mom liked this

Yes,I wouldn't have married him if I he wasn't the right one!

AnGLInterrupted
by Kendall on Apr. 11, 2013 at 1:22 AM
1 mom liked this

Thanks for sharing!!  :)

little.worthen
by Tessie on Apr. 11, 2013 at 1:26 AM
1 mom liked this
I agree. Although some people just can't learn to love each other no matter what.

Lucky for me I married the perfect person (=
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pittymama
by Silver Member on Apr. 11, 2013 at 1:58 AM

regardless of the problems Dh and I have had, he's the person for me.

gigis1
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 2:02 AM
This is depressing just cause I still feel like that "beginning" stage with SO... the fuck ? So I'm gonna hate him eventually ??? >:/
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smurfbitebug
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 2:05 AM
Yes.

But it will be OK.


Quoting gigis1:

This is depressing just cause I still feel like that "beginning" stage with SO... the fuck ? So I'm gonna hate him eventually ??? >:/
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gigis1
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 2:13 AM
I've known him 7 years and felt this way the past 6, even though we werent even together. I can't see this feeling go away. We've been apart and it was unbelievably painful. Idk how I'd handle not wanting to be with him at times. I hope it's not so bad when it happens :/

Quoting smurfbitebug:

Yes.



But it will be OK.




Quoting gigis1:

This is depressing just cause I still feel like that "beginning" stage with SO... the fuck ? So I'm gonna hate him eventually ??? >:/
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
smurfbitebug
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 2:33 AM
2 moms liked this
It will probably be worse for you because y'all are so very much in love right now that when the imperfection comes it will be a massive blow.

I don't say that to be mean. I know, because DH and I didn't have one argument before we married, after we married.. not one. Then the fights began, and they got to the point of needing counseling.

Stress, my dear. It does a marriage bad.

But again, it will be OK. And perhaps it won't be as bad as it was with us. Maybe. Hopefully not.

But if it is... it will pass. And if you kind of keep your head down and bear with it, and try really hard not to kill him in his sleep, you will both be stronger and more bonded for it.
Your eyes will be a little more open. For instance.. I know that my husband is really dumb about all things human. Anything with a machine, using his hands, working.. he is brilliant. Dumb with anything else. Also, he is an asshole. Complete asshole. Talks shit for the fun of it always takes things too far..asshole. He's funny, but he is still an asshole.
BUT I can know these things about him and still love him. I can even love him FOR these things. I do love his asshole ways most of the time. Why? Because I'm not perfect either and I'm an asshole too. Lol Along with many, many other imperfections. And I also know his strengths. Really KNOW them. And love him for that too.

So really.. it isn't a bad thing to go through the bad times and relearn to love your partner. You know them so much better afterwards anyways, without being blinded by circumstance or emotion. I think it's better this way. You're more ride or die for each other if you can make it to this point. It is an amazing bond.


Quoting gigis1:

I've known him 7 years and felt this way the past 6, even though we werent even together. I can't see this feeling go away. We've been apart and it was unbelievably painful. Idk how I'd handle not wanting to be with him at times. I hope it's not so bad when it happens :/



Quoting smurfbitebug:

Yes.





But it will be OK.






Quoting gigis1:

This is depressing just cause I still feel like that "beginning" stage with SO... the fuck ? So I'm gonna hate him eventually ??? >:/
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
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